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Apr 20, 04
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booooooo
This sucks so bad... i found out not to long ago that my dad is going to marry the 'neighbour lady'. She lives in Vienna, Austria and we call her that b/c she lives next to my aunt out there. Anyways it really sucks cus i dont like her... I dont like the fact that she will make out with my dad right in front of me and she talks dirty to him in german... YUCK! She also doesn't speak english and neither does her son. Now im supposed to act all happy when she moves out here at the end of may?!. Well i guess that means i'm gonna be in pitt meadows a lot more now! Cus i gotta lay claim to my room at my dads house before her son does. One good thing outta this is, rumour has it that they're going to get married in Austria... which means i will probly get to go out there again!!! Maybe at the wedding i will be the one to stand up and say that I dont agree haha.... but i dont have that much guts and i do kinda want my dad to be happy but i really think she is just using him to become a Canadian citizen. I just don't know what to say to my dad cus he doesn't really talk to me about it... i hear it from the rest of my family. Have any of u gone through parents remarrying? and not liking the person? maybe i should pull the parent trap trick like in the movie lol and drive her outta here!
Last edited by ~Sc@ndelu$~; Apr 20, 04 at 02:35 PM. 
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Apr 20, 04
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I HATED my mom's new husband at first, and i tried to pull the whole parent trap schpiel. But then a month before the wedding he left my mom, and my mom was so upset, i just wanted her to be happy, and luckily they got back together. I didnt go to the wedding because at the time i didnt feel the need to go, as i wasnt out to support it, and tho now im glad theyre together i dont regret my decision one bit. Plus I have a crazy cool "step brother" and i dont have to worry about my mom being a "single mom" and having to live paycheck to paycheck. 2 government employed workers in one household= good money!!
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Apr 21, 04
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i can't say i know how that feels. i'm sure it feels terrible...my parents getting divorced would already devastate me, let alone either one of them getting remarried, having kids, having step siblings, etc. i guess i can't really be one to say anything...but as hard as it is, try to be happy for your dad. i know you don't like her, and you don't have to always put on a good face and suck it in. it's not good to always repress your emotions, but i know you love your dad to pieces and i also know that his happiness is very important to you. hoping for you that it will get better and easier with time. <3 hang in there.
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Apr 21, 04
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awww thanks u guys thats so nice for the support, i totally appreciate it <3
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Apr 21, 04
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I can't really give any good advice here seeing how I am sort of in your situation, and I have not really dealt with it at all.
My dad met a woman in the Phillipines when he was there vacationing with a friend. He went back and saw her a couple times and married her the 3rd time seeing her. He sent her loads and loads of money (her making the excuse she needed money for her son to go to private school, a maid and numerous immigration papers in which the government had "lost"). She moved here about a year ago with one of her three children (where the other ones are I don't know). And I still have not met her nor do I really want to. Then again I probably see my dad 3-4 times a year. She's caused so many problems in his life, I don't trust her, and don't feel the need to even know her or her son (my step brother). I guess the only thing I can say is you're close to your Dad I'm assuming, so try to give her a chance. Then again I shouldn't really talk.
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Apr 21, 04
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Apr 21, 04
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I know how it feels!
My mom had this really good friend who was also a close friend of my late father that was around a lot, he was like an uncle growing up. Well, strangely enough, he started hanging out A LOT, not too big a deal because he was a family friend. I was a teenager, the typical bitchy daughter who thought nobody could replace her father, who hated any possible suitors for my mother just by default (and made it quite difficult for me to get along with them). This 'uncle' was also a heavy drinker, and sometimes really got on my nerves, etc. Well it turns out that him and my mom were dating for years and the entire family (EVERYBODY!) knew and kept it a secret from me to 'protect' me (because I was just so darn difficult!). I remember the day I found out, I was probably 15 and watching TV. My mom walks in (and yes, I was a teenager, so I didn't have the best relationship with her at the time, I was also into drugs, etc. and had a horrible attitude) and was like 'so myra, let's talk' I just half ignored it, didn't make eye contact and said 'fine' and then she attempted to ask what was going on in my life, etc. typical smalltalk, then I finally asked her to tell me what she wanted to instead of bullshitting. "So I'm getting married to Graham" I remember staring at her with just the most angry look in my eyes because the relationship wasn't even something I knew about, she then got mad because I wasn't "happy" for her. I remember being so angry because I kept thinking about how it effected me. Needless to say, days after that news I got the first flight possible to Calgary and lived there for a few months with my boyfriend at the time, limiting all possible contact with my family because I really felt angry. But really, you have to think that after all that your parents have done for you, after all the sacrifices they made, sometimes, even if it's hard, you have to be happy and supportive if they are doing something that will make them happy. It took me years, but I was able to do that.
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Apr 21, 04
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For Scandelus: ^ :( You're not close to him because of her, not cool on his part if that's what he's doing. Well, my Dad was never really a Dad even though he lived with us for 17 years of my life, so seeing him or getting to know his knew family was likely not to happen. Maybe try talking to your Dad about you're feelings, I wish I would have at some point. Maybe then you'll understand what's going through that head of his, I know how hard that would be though. And go with your instincts and judgement on this new lady of his, but also try to be open minded. I don't know, maybe it's not too late to slowly build a friendship with her?
hee hee maybe I should try taking my own advice! But I think all the unbelievable scheming things that this one has done, I think it's too far gone to create any sort of relationship between us.
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Apr 21, 04
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^^ Geminiz*yeah ur right.. u should take ur own advice too! lol but yeah it is really hard... i dont know why dads seem to do this to us. I mean ur dad obviously luvs u and mine luvs me but they dont know how to show it i guess? I bet when you get older sumthing will happen and u will talk or see him more often just cus hopefully he will open his eyes and realise what he missed out on or is missing out on. Although it may already be too late right.
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Apr 21, 04
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And Scandelus, yes he loves me in his own way, but is too selfish to show it. Doesn't really care to make the effort for me. We'll see what happens in the future. :)
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Apr 21, 04
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It wasn't, everyone I think goes through a different situation with these kinds of things, and I think that no matter what the situation, it's still just as hard for the kids :(
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Apr 21, 04
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Apr 21, 04
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^^ bahaha i think i still might try and pull it off!
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Apr 21, 04
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my dads remarried 3 times. Its hard to accept things at first, but eventually you will get used to the "step mom" then he will divorce her... haha well at least thats what happend in my case, hopefully your dad will have better luck with marriage. Unless this lady is a total nut-case i'm sure you will eventually like her. She'll probably try to suck up to you, the attention sucks at first but you just gotta learn to take advantage. heh heh heh...
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Apr 21, 04
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i know exactly how you feel.
my parents got divorced in like 1997, then my mom remarried in 2000 and then my dad remarried in 2001, so i had trouble getting used to having a new parent in my life. i didn't like either of them at first, but once i realized that the new step parents made my parents happy again, i liked them. :)
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Apr 21, 04
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^^ hmmm well hopefully i can make myself like her... even if i have to pretend
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Apr 21, 04
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Apr 21, 04
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Ergg brigns back bad memeories...
I remember beign like 7-13 having to deal with my parents and their gf's/bf's. Somtimes they were seeing someone I actualy liked but it was very difficult to feel un acward about it. I would feel bad for the other parent too If they :( I think its a lot easyer when your older cus you can escape it or understand how much it means to your parents. I helped scare aways my moms last bf like 10 years ago... she hasnt seen anyone since so I feel kinda bad... then again I thought he was a weird wanker. My dad has been with his last gf for the past 6 years... He usualy see's her when im not around or visiting my mom. Wasnt too enjoyable goign on vacation with her once... Cus im older my dad will start discusing how their relationship is going. He doesnt feel they really have anythign in common and rather be jsut freinds... but I think she really likes him so he still sticks with her... Advice? Dont be ignorant and scare her off. I know the feeling... its not easy but give her and her son a chance and ewww I hate it when there so sexual around each other. But I highly sugest talkign to your dad. Your adults now and care about each other... you should both open up to how you feel about such a big disition. Im surprised he hasnt asked what yout think of her?
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Apr 21, 04
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I realized a long time ago that my mother did her best to raise me, and now that her children are grown, and can take care of ourselves, I have no right to say anything about who she chooses to be in a relationship with, or eventually marry. She did her best for me, and now it is time for her to live her life the way she wants to.
I would certainly resent her interfering or meddling any way in my love life, so I can't really say anything about hers.
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Apr 21, 04
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I know what it's like to be judged without being given a chance - my current boyfriend's family (mainly his sister, a bit his mom and dad) really dislike me and have done their best to make him think I'm something I'm not. Did it ever occur to you that you may just be jealous of a perfectly good woman because your dad seems to pay more attention to her than you? This is definitely the case with my boyfriend and I (at least IMO) - he spends most of his time with me and his friends, and doesn't see his mom and sister that much (since they don't live together). Try to step back out of the situation and think of how you would feel if you were her. Take into consideration that maybe she really DOES love your dad. After all, it's not easy to pick up your life and move it half-way around the world - I doubt that she's doing this as an easy way to become a citizen. I also know what it's like to be in your position - my parent's were divorced when I was 5. By the time I was 10 my dad was engaged and my mom had a live-in boyfriend (who had a son that was a year younger than me, and a year older than my little brother). He and his son moved in with us after only three months, but he made my mom happy so I never said anything, even though we got along well enough, he wasn't my favourite person in the world. He had double-standards when it came to his son vs my brother and I (eg. his son had the latest bedtime, yet I was the eldest), but I didn't feel it was my place to say anything as long as my mom was happy. When I was 15, my dad passed away, and my mom's boyfriend then tried to over-parent and control my brother and I. I wasn't cool with this, and it caused a lot of tension in the house, also, my mom's boyfriend wasn't contributing to the household duties and chores like he should have been, and my mom ended up getting really upset. Just after Christmas when I was 16, my mom came to me and asked me what I thought she should do about the situation - if she should try to work it out or ask him to leave. I told her that she didn't seem happy lately, and that I wanted her to be happy, and that she should do what made her happy. He moved out a month later. The moral of the story is - be happy for your parents as long as they're happy. If you see them unhappy, ask why, and let them know that you're there for them and that you want them to be happy. After all, life is all about happiness - it doesn't matter if you're a child, a teen, or an adult, everyone deserves to be happy.
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Apr 21, 04
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aww margie u whiner :D hahaha just joking, u know i heart u!! u know how i feel about this whole situation.. booo to the new lady!! her son taking ur room, bullshit!
i just say u try to be happy and not take it out on ur mom.. cause ur mom rocks.. and she gives u everything u want when u want - she just wants u happy.. u just don't see it. its really ur dad u should be choked at... he's the one that only cares about himself and this new girlfriend.. stick up for urself and tell him how it is. tell him that u think he's trying to push away from u.. :/ i know its hard, but really, what are u getting out of telling allthese people whats going down.. when really u should tell him.. then he'll realize what exactly he's doing... ps, people reading this post aren't gunna get most of what i said. LOL
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Apr 22, 04
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I think a lot of us have been through similar things - it is an age after all with huge percentages of marriages breaking up in divorce
and us kiddies get tossed into the mix Parents deserve to be happy at certain ages its hard forr kids to really see anyones feelings but their own -- even the most mature teen has the same hormones to deal with as the most immature teen -- I, like Myra was rather selfish at moments when my mom just wanted me to understand her happiness and though my step father had been around since i was 4 I was cruel to him about the whole 'you're not my real dad' thing and I idealized a 'real' father who was NEVER there for me ever and it's really only as i have entered adulthood that I can see how selfish some of my actions have been What's the point? Sometimes you have to remember your parents are people wants and needs - and if you've ever felt lonely - know that your parents have too, if you've ever felt like you'll never meet anyone who 'gets' you, know that your parents have too If you ever been scared no one could ever love you ...guess what ...your parents have too and I can only imagine how much scarier all those emotions get when you go through a divorce and suddenly it seems every one you know is a part of a marriage and you are single Maybe your eyes are more open because you see this woman from a perspective that your father can not or maybe you have your blinders on because you don't understand her (literally) and it's your father who is involved If you've ever asked your parents to 'trust you' or ever told them that you are 'grown up' you have to allow them the same liberties
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Apr 22, 04
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[quote=~Sc@ndelu$~] i really think she is just using him to become a Canadian citizen. I just don't know what to say to my dad cus he doesn't really talk to me about it... i hear it from the rest of my family. [quote]
I've never been through anything like that, so i can't say much about the situation you are in. However, an alarm went off in my head when you mentioned her possibly using him for citizenship. If you or anyone in your family have any feeling this might be true you really really should talk to him about it. You might not be the best person to mention it, he may just take it as you being bitter about the whole arrangement and possibly trying to ruin the marriage plans; especially if you've already expressed the fact you don't exactly like the woman. Maybe a sibbling or parent of his can mention it, because besides the fact that it would be devestating for him to marry someone with those intentions, if she moves to this country and marries your father he is obligated to support him (and probably her dependant(s) as well) whether they are still married or not up to TEN years. So, if she is using him for that purpose, she doesn't even have to stay married to him. She could bugger off and stick him with her bills for a whole fucking decade. NOT COOL, so if I was in your situation I would be pretty worried about at least educationg your father about what this could mean IF by any chance she is the kind of person to fuck him over. Hopefully this isn't the case and she really loves him, vice versa and that you one day get along with her (even though I agree its REALLY rude to have her paws allover your dad in front of his child) and her son.
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