hypothetical question.

[Sammy Skillz]

There's a building down the street that is home to many people with HIV and AIDs. It is some sort of housing co-op in which doctors visit them and the residents recieve help in anyway they need it.

It made my friend Jess and I start thinking.

If you were to meet someone who you honestly thought was your so-called "soulmate", and after a few dates, he or she told you that they had HIV would it change your perception of them? Would you still date them? Would you have sex with them? Keep in mind that before knowing this fact, you were head over heels for this person.

Does something so insignificant, yet so signifant at the same time, affect one's perception of someone they feel so strongly towards in matters of the heart?

I personally don't know how I would react. I think I'd have to say YES it would obviously change my perception of the person. I honestly don't know if I could carry on my relationship with the person. Perhaps it's the fact that I really haven't experienced Love per se. Perhaps it's the fact that I don't neccessarily believe in the word Love. I think I would have to have experienced the feeling of wanting to be with someone forever to really answer the question but at this point in time in my life, if i were in that situation, I think I would have to end the relationship.

-s.

[NeVeRLooKBacK]

oh wow
thats one dilly of a pickle
....
I guess it wouldnt change my perception on the person themselvse
but in carrying out a relationship the sex life would definately be a serious topic of discussion

[Jingles]

I don't think this is much of an issue ...well the staying with the person part
HIV is not a death sentence
in fact there is actually no proof that AIDS is caused by HIV - it's just that anyone who has died of AIDS also had HIV

People can live out relatively normal, long lives with HIV provided they take proper care of themselves
it's AIDS that is the killer
and it doesn't noramlly take too long to do it either. So if you are scared of losing your new love to death...well that is areal fear with anyone, we could all die from something no one ever saw coming
At least when you know your partner has a chance of going early you know to cherish all your time together

But no disease would change my perception of the person who has it. My perceptions of people are changed based on their own actions -- there are ways to prevent AIDS and HIV, but let's not forget many of the people who have it nw got it through means that were not their fault

and many of them have it because they engaged in a one time activity with another person -- Most of us are guillty of having unprotected sex at one time or another
and you can tell me all you want that you always know your partner's history and you always go to the clinic together and get checked out
it's easy to talk about doing those things but actually putting them into action is another - I know for fact some on here that have said 'know your partner' have had sex with peeps before they knew

But Sammy, when you meet your soulmate - things are different. If you are meant to be together then yes, you might struggle with the idea that they are facing a life threatning disease. But a soulmate isn't like Mr Hot ass you pick up at the bar....there's some sort of connection that you can't ignore - your heart recognizes that other person
and soul mate doesn't = lover all the time either
I think there are soulmates that are our friends for life

transmission of HIV through anal or vaginal intercourse is a real worry - but there are so many other things you can do to express your love love physically that are a very low risk --
Again, you asked about soulmates
and I think that's something that is hard to comprehend until you actually experience it

[*STARFISH*]

wow.
i dont think i could make a decision
unless i actually was put in a situation like that..
i would definately still date them..
no sex though...
and it would depend on how long i knew them
and how deep into the relationship we were before they spilled the beans.

[*Geminiz*]

This is a very very difficult question to answer even hypothetically. I would have say I would not stay with them in a romantic relationship (no sex, no "dating"), I would def be friends with them though and it wouldn't change my mind on how I view them as a person in any way. I don't know too much about HIV or Aids, so I would have to do my research, but if there was a gaurantee that when we had children it wouldn't be passed on to them - then I would consider staying in the relationship (in the case that it would also be gauranteed that I could live long enough to be in their life for quite some time). But I don't think this is possible and since I want children in my lifetime, I would have to end any romantic envolvement. If I were not able to have children for one reason or another - I would stay with them for sure.

[G-Style]

This is proberly the most intense question I have seen on the pages of F&K and must give props to Sammy for bringing up such a great topic compared to the usual topics on F&K. Forme I thinnk it would be tough for it not to change the way you feel about someone a little and I think anyone who says it wont is lying to themselves a little bit because AIDS and HIV have had such an impact on our generation. And I also agree with Jingles that everyone at some point or another has had some sort of unprotected sex. As far as a long term relationship I can honestly say I just don't know. This is one of those scenarios that unless you are placed in the situation it would be hard to answer with 100% accuracy. I too have never been in what I would classify as love some I don't know what that feeling would do to me and my judgment and decision making proccess. Tough question but a good one. Nice
G

[candytabi]

WoW. That is a very hard question. But honestly I wouldn't have sex with that person... Sad but true.
But I really can't tell how I would react if I were really head over heels for this person.... I don't think I could handle that one very well. I would probably end the relationship, but not the friendship. If that is possible. It all depends on how long we would have been together and how intense the relationship is, plus not to forget, if the person could handle being friends after that.
Really tough....

[Sammy Skillz]

Originally posted by G-Style
This is proberly the most intense question I have seen on the pages of F&K and must give props to Sammy for bringing up such a great topic compared to the usual topics on F&K. Forme I thinnk it would be tough for it not to change the way you feel about someone a little and I think anyone who says it wont is lying to themselves a little bit because AIDS and HIV have had such an impact on our generation. And I also agree with Jingles that everyone at some point or another has had some sort of unprotected sex. As far as a long term relationship I can honestly say I just don't know. This is one of those scenarios that unless you are placed in the situation it would be hard to answer with 100% accuracy. I too have never been in what I would classify as love some I don't know what that feeling would do to me and my judgment and decision making proccess. Tough question but a good one. Nice
G

thanks. i figured people might find a topic like this a little more...refreshing, for lack of better words.

-s.

[cinist]

i wouldn't even speculate on how i might feel

cuz i honestly dont kno

[MC Hammered]

You search your entire life for that one person and something like AIDS would make you back away? If that is the case then your quest will never be fulfilled.

If I was truly in love with the person and they were my soul mate then no affliction they could have would change that fact for me.

In fact it would make me charish the time I had left to spend with them knowing that their passing would soon come.

There is much more to life than having sex with a partner and those other moments and memories last forever.

[brokencrayon]

Originally posted by MC Hammered
You search your entire life for that one person and something like AIDS would make you back away? If that is the case then your quest will never be fulfilled.

If I was truly in love with the person and they were my soul mate then no affliction they could have would change that fact for me.

In fact it would make me charish the time I had left to spend with them knowing that their passing would soon come.

There is much more to life than having sex with a partner and those other moments and memories last forever.

agreed! totally what I was thinking.

[jawa]

Originally posted by Sammy Skillz

I personally don't know how I would react. I think I'd have to say YES it would obviously change my perception of the person. I honestly don't know if I could carry on my relationship with the person. Perhaps it's the fact that I really haven't experienced Love per se. Perhaps it's the fact that I don't neccessarily believe in the word Love. I think I would have to have experienced the feeling of wanting to be with someone forever to really answer the question but at this point in time in my life, if i were in that situation, I think I would have to end the relationship.

-s.

Exactly how i feel about it. I would continue a friendship, but no sex. If however the friendship progressed to more over time, perhaps. But there is always the fear of losing someone close to you. A close friend of mine recently passed away from AIDS and i don't know if i could deal with watching my significant other deterioating(sp?) and dying in front of me. But then again i've never been in love, and like SAmmy don't neccessarily believe in it either. Maybe my opinion would change if in the situation though.

[Ragga_Wh0re]

if i really truely loved the person,id accept it and still continue my relationship with the person.

[KÄÕ§]

hmm that would be a tough one .... untill that time comes i'd have to deal with it then... but for now ... hhmm very tough call unlees you are in that situation.... as far for the sex part no.... as for releationship no but as for friendship goes yes.... that's what i would have to say for now on my behalf...

[Kandyapple]

I have no clue what I would do in this situation. I must admit it is one that has crossed my mind from time to time. Every partner I've been with, I have always had the have you been tested talk. And most times the answer is no.
I think if it was someone you saw as your soul mate it would be one of the hardest decisions to make. On one side you are giving up something special with someone you truly love. But on the other had you need to spend that time worrying about the day they will be gone. And you can't say that that will not be on your mind. I know everyone says it's better to have loved and lost. But I have seen the pain that a death of someone close can do to a person. To lose your soul mate would be so hard. And also knowing that sexual intamacy could also endanger your own health just puts another spin on it.

Love is a powerfull thing and I could never give a straight answer because at the moment i'm not in that situation. I believe it would be hard to be with a person with Aids. But it would be ignorant to just say that you couldn't have a relationship with someone because of there disease. I'm sure people make it work. But again going through life worrying about someone you care about that much would be very draining and also depressing. It may sound a bit selfish considering what they must be going through.
But I guess that's just how life is sometimes.
Good topic. I'm stumped.

[Chet]

I'd like to think I could look past it
but I can't say for sure

[hardstylin]

i dont believe in soulmates

[Veni*C]

Originally posted by MC Hammered
There is much more to life than having sex with a partner and those other moments and memories last forever.

i completely agree with you on that one.

[*spacecase*]

i volunteered with AIDS Calgary for about 4 years....

I worked with a woman who's fiance was HIV positive. He got it when he decided to get his ear pierced while at a house party. The piercer didnt clean his equipment and that passed on the human immunodeficiency virus to the poor unsuspecting dude.

So, what did the couple do?

They have safer sex. Granted, there is no guarantee that it is completely safe. But there are measures you can take to try to lessen the risk of transfer.

In my opinion, if i met my soulmate and they happened to have HIV, i wouldn;t presume they were a bad person. Cuz shit happens. Anyone can get it. As i used to say to people "HIV doesn;t discriminate"

I would still sleep with the person, but i would be HELLA careful. if you're in love, how can you not make love?

but thats just me..... not sayin i'm right or anyone else is wrong.

:keebler:

[Bevvy Swift]

hmmm now that's a good question.....

i dont think my perception of the person would change, but i wouldnt be able to have sex with them. as nice and honest and deep as i would like to think i am, im still shallow at bottom. i would probably break off the relationship.

[zarlon]

if i truly loved them

but if i didn't know them very well, id only be friends with them until i got to know them better
and if my feelings remained... perhaps i'd still do that, just in a reallyyyyy safe way.

[diva]

Originally posted by Jingles
I don't think this is much of an issue ...well the staying with the person part
HIV is not a death sentence
in fact there is actually no proof that AIDS is caused by HIV - it's just that anyone who has died of AIDS also had HIV

People can live out relatively normal, long lives with HIV provided they take proper care of themselves
it's AIDS that is the killer

HIV is the virus that causes AIDS. According to the CDC anyways. The HIV virus causes Acquired Immune Difficiency Syndrome.

A healthy person has about 1000-1500 T-cell (also called CD4 cell, they help fight off infection). When someone gets HIV, they loose about 50 CD4 cells a year. The fewer T-cells one has, the higher the HIV viral load they have.

The World Health Organization states that HIV turns into AIDS when their T-cell (CD4) count drops to below 250 (I think the US waits until patients have a CD4 count of below 200 so they can avoid treating them as long as possible).

That's why it can take someone with HIV 15 years to develop full blown AIDS.

I don't think the residents of the Downtown Eastside get their anti-retroviral treatment until they develop AIDS.

But Maryah's right. People don't actually die of HIV, they die of Acquired Immune Difficiency Syndrome (AIDS) because it totally destroys their immune systems. Regular viruses we can fight off become life threatening to them. They develop a whole bunch of really common illnesses, and since they can't fight them off, they die.

But back to your original question:
If I was in love with the person, I wouldn't let the fact that they were HIV+ affect our relationship. If they were newly diagnosed with it, I'd potentially have 20 years to spend with them if they took care of themselves properly. Anything can happen in 20 years. A cure could be found even.

I've learned at school that a lot of couples who are affected with HIV can continue to enjoy sex. If someone with HIV stays on top of their illness (thank goodness we live in Canada and don't have to worry about spending the 15k/year it takes to treat the disease), they can keep their viral load down to virtually undetectable levels. So yeah, if I loved the person, I'd stay with them.

On a semi-related note: Did you guys know that a pregnant woman with HIV only has a 1/4 chance of passing the virus onto her baby when no preventative measures are taken? If she takes all the prophylactic meds and stuff and has a cesarean section, she can reduce the chance of passing the virus to her baby to 4%.

I think this disease can be defeated. The pharmaceutical companies should be lobbied to death until they stop spending billions of dollars on marketing and researching non-life saving drugs like Viagra, and refusing to allow developing nations to manufacture generic versions of their HIV drugs.

It costs $15, 000/year to treat someone with AIDS with brand name meds, but only $200 with generic meds. Isn't that insane? Brazil recently won a case that now allows them to manufacture their own generic drugs.
India's moving towards that direction as well.

Sorry for the rant. It just makes me really angry when I can see that the only thing coming between certain death and an increased quality of life is $$$$$$.

:(

[galaxie]

^ Esi, you're the fucking best.

[LostBoyScout]

If I loved them, yes, I would certainly stay with them. How it would change our relationship I am not sure, I would have to do more reading on the disease and its dangers. Basically high risk activities I would stop, and stick to low risk activities. Hopefully there would still be plenty of relationship satisfaction ( I am sure there would be.. just being in the presence of the one you love is enough to be happy, I find). I think if the person loved you back, they would not want to cause you unnecessary harm as well.

Being currently in love with a long term girlfriend, and having gone through medical tough times, I've discovered how love can respond to tough times and simply grow so much stronger - provided you really loved the person to begin with. (I learned the answer to that question for me, was yes)