March 13, 1887
Dear Governor,
Members of Her Majesties Parliament have raised concerns regarding the demeanor of Island folk. It has now come to my attention that the savages West of the idylic lower mainland have indeed shown signs of treason in their communiques, and moreover have threatend the sactity our most sacred crops. Is it possible that these beasts-of-men have right to utter such treachery in the colonies? Are they not aware they are subject to the whims of Vancouver's elite, both economically and culturally? Is their ignorance so pervasive that Texada, 100 Mile or Vernon are unbeknownced to them? And further to this, are they not aware that we are importers from such lands? Have they not experienced the labours of our loyal proletariate?
It is my humble opinion that we, the righteous, crush the savage folk who speak such blasphemy. Should Her Majesty will, I will happly lead a contingent to the Island to punish these rogues for their lack of respect to we, their physical, and intellectual superiors. I might remind the statesmen that it is "Vancouver's Island" after all.
Lt. Iano Ponzorro
Protector of All that is Good and Right
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