The Rum Scooter

[Miss T]

How many times have you woken up in the morning after a hard night
drinking and thought, "How on earth did I get home?" As hard as you try,
you cannot piece together your return journey from the pub to your house.

The answer to this puzzle is that you used a "Rum Scooter".

The Rum Scooter is a mythical form of transport, owned and leased to the
drunk by Bacchus, the Roman God of Wine. The Rum Scooter works in the
following fashion - The passenger reaches a certain level of
drunkenness and the "slurring gland" begins to give off a pheromone.
Bacchus or one of his many sub-contractors detects this pheromone and
sends down a winged Rum Scooter.

The Scooter scoops up the passenger and deposits them in their bedroom via
a Trans-Dimensional Portal. This is not cheap to run, so a large portion
of the passenger's in-pocket cash is taken as payment. This answers the
second question after a night out, "How did I spend so much money?"

Unfortunately, Rum Scooters have a poor safety record and are
thought to be responsible for over 90% of all UDI (Unidentified
Drinking Injuries), such as bruised legs, stubbed toes, scratched
hands and a sore spot on the top of your head.

An undocumented feature of the Rum Scooter is the destruction of time
segments during the trip. The nature of Trans-Dimensional Portals dictates
that time will be lost, seemingly unaccounted for!
This answers a third question after a night out, "What the hell
happened?" With good intentions, Bacchus opted for the REMIT (Removal of
Embarrassing Moments in Time) add on, that automatically removes, in
descending order, those parts in time regretted most.
Unfortunately one person's REMIT is not necessarily the REMIT of
another's and quite often, lost time is regained in discussions over a period
of time.

Independent studies have also shown that Beer Goggles often cause the
Scooter's navigation system to malfunction thus sending passengers to the
wrong bedroom with the wrong person, often with horrific
consequences.

Rum Scooters come equipped with Thump-A-Lot boots (Patent Pending).
These boots are designed in such a way that no matter how quietly you
tip-toe up the stairs, you are sure to wake either everyone else in the
house or your downstairs neighbours. Special anti-gravity springs ensure
that you bump into every wall in the house and the CTSGS
(Coffee Table Seeking Guidance System) explains the bruised shins.

Don't forget the on-board heater, which allows you to comfortably get home
from the pub in sub-zero temperatures, wearing just a small
outfit for the ladies or for the men no jacket. Rum
scooters.........the wonders of modern technology.......

Have you ever had a ride on one??!!