Oct 23, 02
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a sample
k..i attempting to write a novel and i thought id just put a piece of the first draft here, its only the first page...
a little overview though first... Its a story of damien scott (my writing name) and his life (not mine) Its how he faced depression and went to partyin only to get so into the drug scene that he slowly looses everything; then in an attempt to leave it behind he runs; away from problems and life blah blah blah blah blha :) but yeah it goesa on for a while.. heres a piece.. 
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Oct 23, 02
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Once when I was older, I took 27 pills of ecstasy while drinking and choked on my own vomit as I forced more down my throat. It wasn’t the worst I’ve been feeling, but at the time it sounded like a good idea, see, e makes you feel better, it takes the pain of life away, it dissolves the world you once knew and replaces it with one that in your mind is flawless, this time it didn’t work. This time after my first six and the first was just kicking in all I could do was cry, I cried so long, hours seemed to go by but when I looked at the clock not even a minute passed, where was that world I so at this time craved to be in? I lost it forever I thought, I could never go back to the happy times and relive those moments I hold dearest. My world would be forever gray, colorless with a lack of joy.
The cigarette smoke swirled up into the air, I needed more pills, if not to take me from this world then to make those tears stop. I didn’t want to cry forever anymore. My sadness dimmed the air around, the vibrant depression I carried sifted about the room. Dark shadows cast from candlelight and loomed over my vacant body. I Sat in a state of mind numbing thoughts, every so often glancing at the bag that still sat in front of me; 94 tiny little gel tablets, MDMA. I bought them earlier, they were meant for selling, but instead I looked at them as a way out. The smoke hit the ceiling and spread with the darkness, slowly fading into air and disappearing forever. I could do that. I could be that smoke, and no one would notice. I would just vanish and be forgotten about, eventually everyone is forgotten about; we become that anonymous voice that was once a great person, if we even become a voice at all. I am lifeless. I hold the capsule between my fingers. Eyeing it carefully looking for the answer it provide me with so many time before this moment, wondering why it doesn’t show itself now. Why now? Suicide only hurts if you fail. Combine one glass of water, with 21 pills; that’s how old I was, 21. Then drink the shot down. Hold it in. Wait. 5…4…3…then pain, it jolts your body so strongly you cant help but vomit. I didn’t want to though. So in desperation I grabbed a handful of caps and forced them into my mouth trying desperately to swallow. Time stands still. In this moment, I feel pure. This is real. If anything before could be thought fake, I knew I could feel this moment real. Maybe when you become a child this will all make sense. You live life backwards long enough you watch time slow down, until it stops for one pure moment, then you watch it go in reverse. You see everything for what it was. You live those good moments that were once warm thoughts. They are this moment; I have found my new escape. After death, no drug can be your escape; you taste purity in its best form and become addicted.
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Oct 23, 02
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a bit of both... it has my standard a bit about myself in it so i can relate with the character, but alot of the extreme things is purely fantasy.. for the most part.
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