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Dec 13, 07
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What I Learned When I Got Fired
So I got fired today. Which is mind boggling on a level I'm sure I
l'd never really be capable of conveying to everybody. Suffice to say that I personally ran Support & New Client Provisioning for 1300 companies by myself for 30 days, with 1 other untrained newbie for 60 days, with 1 other trained support agent for the other 30 days. Originally we had a crew of 5 trained staff. I've never seen a more clueless decision by an unexperienced manager (he's been there 2 weeks) in my life. I was fired for (finger quotes) "poor attendance" which involved me taking 3.5 sick days when I was legitimately sick (I tried to come back early and we sent home. By our Lawyer) and two late mornings, 1 of which I gave notice of as it had been caused by extensive work after-hours emergency issue. I'll admit it, I slept clean though two alarms this morning, but fuck it, I WAS that burnt out! You can only work 16hr days and weekends for so long before you loose your marbles. But I digress, I'm here to impart my pearls of wisdom upon you so you won't have to suffer through the immense frustration and stress I've had/am having to deal with: NOTE: THIS ADVICE IS INTENDED FOR THOSE OF YOU WHO ARE SERIOUSLY WORKING. IT DOES NOT APPLY TO YOUR McJOB. FEEL FREE TO GO McBANANAS ‘CAUSE THAT SHIT DOES NOT APPLY. UNLESS YOU THINK IT’S A CAREER. IN WHICH CASE THE FACT YOUR LITERATE IS A GODDAMNED MIRACLE. #1. Do not ever take on more than you can handle, even if it screws over somebody else at work. This might seem like the most straight-forward, common-sense thing to do ever, but we've all 'covered' for somebody at work at some point in time. There's nothing wrong with covering for anybody. Its when you take on duties to help out overloaded co-workers that it can get out of hand awfully fucking fast. As soon as word gets out that you helped out Douche bag A, Douche bags B through G will show up doing their best impression of an over-wrought, over-worked 80-year-old Widower who cares for orphans or some shit. You were hired to do a job with a specific role in the company. Trust me on this one, if they figured your job wasn't enough to keep one person busy, you wouldn't be there full time. They'd have pawned it off on some other sap that was already there or they'd have hired you full time. Your employer will hire staff if their work force can't hack it, so long as you're not all fiddling with your testicles and/or tits instead of working. Overloading yourself can only end with Douchebags A, B, C, D,E F, & G bitching about how you haven't done all that shit that they were supposed to do in the first place. #2. Unless you have stock (and lots of it) don't bother getting personally invested in your company. The owner of your company? They the ones who stay up at night worrying about the company. Depending on the size of your company there will either be shareholders or personal investors who have a stake in the company. They won't want to loose money, so they'll make sure shit gets done. Worrying about your company will manage because, for example, a third of your team quits, leads to problem #1. You can ask anybody whose ever worked for EA, your company will keep "crunch time" on for as long as they can keep it up. Remember that for every 2 employees busting their ass to do the work of 3 your company is save the salary of 1 whole employee. Which is awfully nice since those 2 suckers are still working for the same wage. I'm not saying don't pitch in when its needed, I'm just saying pitching in shouldn't ever last more than a month. 30 days is enough time to fix pretty much any personnel problem. #3. If you hang out with people from work, for the love of God, don't complain about work when you do. Hell, its best just not to talk about work. Your co-workers work with you. That's why they call them "co-workers". Unless your company is a lumbering bureaucracy and they're in some other department, they know what happened at work that day and if they are in some other department your company is officially to large that any benefit will come from venting about work. It might feel really good to have a communal bitch session about Douche bag H but it won't actually accomplish anything, even if they're a totally... well, y'know. More often than not you'll all just end up looking like extras from King of the Hill afterwards; sipping beer and occasionally saying "Yup" or "Mmm-hmm" or "Damned Douche bag" when you're all really thinking "damned, I have nothing more to bitch about, what do I talk about now". That'll be when you realize that, not only are you bitter far before your time, the only reason you hang out with your co-workers is to bitch about work and in the history of man there has never, ever been a worth while relationship based on that. You won't ever see two old dudes sitting on a park bench reminiscing exclusively about some Douche bag. They'll have something else to talk about, like Margie from the retirement home, whose got a new hip and is putting out like WWII just ended again, or about how good the meatloaf was last night. That reminds me, tell your grandparent you love them, you selfish bastards. #4. Abe Lincoln was a freakin' genius, so take heed: you cannot, ever, please all the people all the time. The sooner you learn that the better. Learn to say "Sorry, no, I can't help you". Everybody at work has their own little priority list of shit they need to do and, while I still am of the belief that people are generally good, they will try and tangle up as many people as possible to help them complete that list as possible. Its not that they're assholes, its just that their list is just more important to them, personally, than your list. While your employer might occasionally buy "I was helping this Douche bag" as an excuse as to why your list of shit isn't completed, if you make it a habit you will get the axe, not the Douche bag offloading on you. This one is heavily related to my first piece of advice, and that's because its fucking important. I guarantee that you have probably been fucked over at some point in time at one of your jobs by this exact thing. Or maybe you count rare gophers by yourself in Trail for Environment Canada. If that's the case, the gophers are looking to make you do their jobs, don't let them fuck you over. #5. Leave with some semblance of dignity, but don't be humbled. If you are fired, accept it as fact, pack up, say goodbye and leave. Try not to bawl your eyes out like you’re 8 and your leaving camp, and for, Christ sake, don’t start going ballistic and yelling. Don’t be that guy, nobody respects that guy, that guy is a Douchebag. You have never heard anybody ever raise a toast fondly to Bob, “Left Screaming in a Straight-Jacket” Smith. If you did, it was done in jest; nobody was getting all misty eyed. The bottom line is your employer had, what was in their mind (however tormented & twisted you may feel it is), some justification for firing you. Even if it was just because they couldn't stand your punk-ass because your hair was too long and you wouldn’t get off their lawn, the fact remains that when you’re gone they will very likely still be in the exact same place. Even if you do what everybody expects you to do, and freak-out, its very, very unlikely to make a shred of difference. If you want to try and haggle your way back into a job, you will have to do so rationally and calmly. When you apply for your next job, they’re gonna wanna know where you just worked, in as much detail as possible. Getting a reference goes a long way to your next job, getting a restraining order, well, its not exactly what you’d call a ‘incentive to hire’ for your future employers. If you have friends at work, it’s unlikely they will stand up and voice their disagreement to your dismissal, don’t fault them for that, I’m sure you’ve done the same thing when one of your former co-workers was fired. It doesn’t make them wrong, it just makes them spineless pussies the likes of whom are the reason why the world is filled with such loathsome apathy towards tyranny and oppression (Fucking man-up and grow a mustache, the lot of you!). Lastly, revenge is a dish served chilled at exactly half-past never. Unless you hooked your boss up with your sister and then he fired you (in which case, he’s fair game) getting tasty revenge is just gonna come back to haunt you. Unless you're a strategical genius the people you used to work with are more than likely going to bear the brunt of your wrath, they're think you're a petty prick and, like a bunch of chatty Cathy's they'll tell fucking everybody about it. A few years back, probably wouldn't have been a big deal. With the advent of Facebook, MySpace, etc. social networking world has built a gossip super-collider enabling their diminutive view of you, your actions and your dog to spread around the internets so fast it'll be a god damned miracle if you don't turn up on YouTube under a sheet in eyeshadow screaming to be left alone. However, in the event you just don’t give a fuck, then feel free to getcho your six-four and roll up on dem bitches, dawg. 
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Dec 13, 07
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^ I agree. They can't let you go without proper documentation. Your lates would have had to be documented - they have to give you one verbal warning first, then move to first written, second written and final written before you can be dismissed. Sounds to me like you have a legit wrongful dismissal case. Also, regardless of working overtime, by law you are entitled to 8 consecutive hours off work between shifts.
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Dec 13, 07
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that's harsh dude, but don't worry, u'll find somethin else.
the job market is still good. -- "Also, regardless of working overtime, by law you are entitled to 8 consecutive hours off work between shifts." no, smartass. CLE: Analysis: High technology exclusions from the Employment Standards Act High technology exclusions from the Employment Standards Act Introduction Exclusions from certain provisions of the Employment Standards Act have been introduced in respect of "high technology professionals" and employees of "high technology companies". High technology professionals are exempt from the hours of work, overtime and statutory holidays provisions of the Act (Parts 4 and 5). In addition, special overtime provisions exist in respect of other employees of high technology companies. .
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Dec 13, 07
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was it contract based or?
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Dec 13, 07
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This memo is to announce the development of a new software system. We are currently building a data center that will contain and manage all yearly employee attendance data. The program is referred to as the "Manage Yearly Attendance Software System". (MYASS).
I've noticed that some of the less technical personnel are somewhat afraid of MYASS. Just last week, when asked to enter some information into the program, I had a secretary say, "I'm a little nervous. I've never put anything into MYASS before." I volunteered to help her through her first time and when we were through, she admitted it was relatively painless and she was actually looking forward to doing it again. Oh a side note, we are sorry to hear thebombman will no longer be with us here at ASS DIK & HOL LTD. Our best to him. We know he will resolve his issues favorably and move onto better horizons.
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Dec 14, 07
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Dec 14, 07
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You want to be hired back? Like seriously? I wouldn't.
I say go the legal route man. If they're firing you for sick days that's absolutely wrongful dismissal, esp. if you've been working for them longer than 90 days. It's illegal, your manager should know that. Now make the company pay. _He_ will probably end up getting fired as a result.
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Dec 14, 07
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So agreed there. One thing that always boggled me growing up was how surgeons can't help but talk shop incessantly at the dinner table. It's tough for you to lose my appetite when someone says something gross, when you grow up at a dinner table that involves the word "bowel" at least once a month.
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Dec 14, 07
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They're sitting there with a piece of meat in front of them and knife in their hand. What else are they supposed to talk about?
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Dec 14, 07
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They're always awesome stories though. That's the crazy thing. It's fantastic dinner conversation if you can get past the fact that he's talking about partially digested food being splattered all over internal organs.
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Dec 14, 07
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