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Mar 20, 03
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The Very Secret Diary of George W. Bush
***I stole this off a LJ... thought it was really funny***
http://www.livejournal.com/users/cygnusfap/ The Very Secret Diary of George W. Bush Day 1: Am bored. Nothing to do in White House. Day 2: Cheney says we can't find Osama whoeverthehell he is. He says we need a new enemy to fight to show everyone that we kick ass. John Ashcroft suggests the Democratic party. Colon says that's unconstitutional. Fuck the Constitution. Day 3: New Enemy will be either Iran, Iraq, or North Korea. Dick says they're an 'Axis of Evil'. What's an axis? Day 5: Iraq's easiest to invade, so it's them. Condi's taken the map, so I don't know where Iraq is. I hope there isn't a press conference soon! Cheney says he's still the prettiest. Am inclined to agree. Day 8: We need an excuse for war. I said why the hell do we need one, we've just gotta show everyone who's boss! Colon said we won't get any allies that way, but no-one else thought that was a problem. Someone said that we could invade because Saddam's a racist dictator who allows no civil liberties or freedom of speech, but John Ashcroft glared at him. Day 13: Have invented excuse. Saddam is a threat to our security. Colon says no-one will believe us, but Dick said that doesn't matter, no-one does anyway except the core voters. Day 18: Have found Iraq on map! Go me! Day 23: Some idiot said that Saddam doesn't have any missiles that can reach us, so how is he a threat? He's a threat because Rummy says he is. Have delivered smackdown. Day 28: Still not king. Day 31: Weapons inspectors are in Iraq. Cheney says that dude with a stupid name had better find the weapons we gave Iraq back in the '80s. Day 37: Have beaten personal hi-score on golf CD-ROM game! Didn't have time to read Dr Blix's report though. Oh well. Day 42: Chirac is such a fucker. We saved France's butt back way back when, what right does he have to take a moral stand? Day 44: Losing allies. Colon wibbling. I don't see why we need allies anyway, everyone knows we're great, so what's the problem? Day 46: Protests everywhere. WTF? Cheney says they're commie tree-hugging baby-killing damn liberals. Better take no notice then. Day 50: Overheard Rummy telling Dick he was the prettiest. Day 55: Saddam destroying weapons. This means we can't have war. Wah! Day 56: Rummy says we can have war anyway. Whee! All we need to do is discredit Blix, demonise Saddam, wave our nukes around, undermine the UN, bad-mouth the French and Germans, and get Tony to help us so we can have diplomatic cover. Wait...let me remember...we discredit Tony, undermine the Germans, get dimplomatic cover from Rummy, wave Blix around, demonise the French (yay!), and bad-mouth the UN. Works for me! Dick says I should take an early night. Day 63: Saddam still disarming, but Colon trumped him on a technicality. Looks like war, at last! Rummy already looking at maps of North Korea. I told him to calm down. Real go-getter, that one. Day 66: Phone call from Tony. I suspect he may be prettier than Dick. Dick wibbling. Did I just say that? Day 69: :makes schoolboy jokes: Day 70: UN won't do what we want, so we're ignoring them. Off to war! It's evil time! 
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