9 helpful hints for those in need

[Gilkayo]

Helpful Hint #1

If you are choking on an ice cube, don't panic!
Simply pour a jug of boiling water down your throat
and presto! The blockage is almost instantly removed.


Helpful Hint #2

Clumsy? Avoid cutting yourself while slicing
vegetables by getting someone else to hold them
while you chop away!


Helpful Hint #3

Don't buy expensive 'ribbed' condoms, just buy an ordinary one and slip a handful of frozen peas
inside it before you put it on.


Helpful Hint #4

Putting just the right amount of gin in your
goldfish bowl makes the fishes' eyes bulge and cause
them to swim in an amusing manner.


Helpful Hint #5

An empty aluminum cigar tube filled with angry
wasps makes a wonderful inexpensive vibrator.


Helpful Hint #6

Avoid arguments with the missus about lifting
the toilet seat by simply pissing in the sink.


Helpful Hint #7

High blood pressure sufferers: simply cut
yourself and bleed for a while, thus reducing the
pressure in your veins.


Helpful Hint #8

A mouse trap placed on top on of your alarm
clock will prevent you from rolling over and going
back to sleep.


Helpful Hint #9

If you have a bad cough, take a large dose of
laxatives. Then you will be afraid to cough.

[KenJi]

I like #2. That way I don't cut myself if I make a mistake, I cut someone else instead haha

[Sue Bitch]

very helpful

in a pinch :sick:

[mojo]

pissing in the sink
priceless

[strawberr_E]

the cutting one is kinna scary but the rest is halarious

[RiceDumpling]

Don't buy expensive 'ribbed' condoms, just buy an ordinary one and slip a handful of frozen peas
inside it before you put it on.

Hmm, i'll have to try that one sometime. But for some reason, I dont think it'll work. the peas'll add too much girth, and what would happen when they thaw out?

[alkatraz]

hahaha nasty vince! ^^

[MissZiggy]

^^ hahaha I just like your sig!