Jun 09, 03
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I
I’ve been feeling very lonely lately. Being around people doesn’t seem to help though, at times it just makes it even worse. At least when I’m alone I don’t have to pretend I’m having fun, people get uncomfortable when you’re not happy being with them. What’s so important about being happy? I can have an interesting and valuable time with people without being in a positive mood necessarily, but if it wasn’t a fun experience people seem to look down on it, regard it as a waste of time. People, people, people… I’m always talking about them, but I don’t really consider myself part of the society of people, so maybe I’m missing out on something that everybody knows about, some secret connectivity that you gain by being a member of the tribe, some hidden bond. I often feel it’s the other way around though, that I know something that these ‘people’ don’t, they just fail to realize something, they just don’t get it, even though I can’t explain what it is, or how I’m able to understand said something. Occasionally I’ll glance at someone, and I can see in their eyes that they know what it is, and they’d desperately like to tell me, but they don’t know how... I wonder if that’s what they see when they look into my eyes, and I’m just fooling myself, it doesn’t exist and all that remains of it are these bastard trickster emotions that convince me otherwise. Perhaps I think too much, maybe I should shrug off this weary longing for communication and just focus on having fun.
[edited_out : fucking 'bond' icon] Last edited by [edit_out]; Jun 09, 03 at 01:29 AM. 
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Jun 09, 03
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i dunno bout the rest of the world but i think the same way.
but from the other point of view i can say that i feel like its my fault when someone im hanging out with isnt 'happy' (or putting on that stupid pretend happy face everyone wears) (which is so transparent, i dont know why more people dont point out the fact that alot of people are never happy but are just pretending to be happy) but i guess i am kinda among the masses on that one, seeing as i often pretend to be happy for someone elses sake....
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