Hilarious Shorts!

[DJDeeb]

Not sure if this has been posted before but.......enjoy!

HOW DO YOU GET HOLY WATER?
You boil the hell out of it.

WHAT DO FISH SAY WHEN THEY HIT A CONCRETE WALL?
Dam!

WHAT DO ESKIMOS GET FROM SITTING ON THE ICE TOO LONG?
Polaroids.

WHAT DO YOU CALL A BOOMERANG THAT DOESN'T WORK?
A stick.

WHAT DO YOU CALL CHEESE THAT ISN'T YOURS?
Nacho Cheese.

WHAT DO YOU CALL SANTA'S HELPERS?
Subordinate Clauses.

WHAT DO YOU CALL FOUR BULLFIGHTERS IN QUICKSAND?
Quattro Sinko.

WHAT DO YOU GET FROM A PAMPERED COW?
Spoiled milk.

WHAT DO YOU GET WHEN YOU CROSS A SNOWMAN WITH A VAMPIRE?
Frostbite.

WHAT LIES AT THE BOTTOM OF THE OCEAN AND TWITCHES?
A nervous wreck.

WHAT'S THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN ROAST BEEF AND PEA SOUP?
Anyone can roast beef.

WHERE DO YOU FIND A DOG WITH NO LEGS?
Right where you left him.

WHY DO GORILLAS HAVE BIG NOSTRILS?
Because they have big fingers.

WHY DON'T BLIND PEOPLE LIKE TO SKY DIVE?
Because it scares the hell out of the dog.

WHAT IS THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN A HARLEY AND A HOOVER?
The location of the dirt bag.

WHY DO A PILGRIM'S PANTS ALWAYS FALL DOWN?
Because he's wearing his belt buckle on his hat.

WHAT DO YOU CALL SKYDIVING LAWYERS?
Skeet.

HOW ARE A TEXAS TORNADO AND A TENNESSEE DIVORCE THE SAME?
Somebody's gonna lose a trailer.

[Candy-Kid]

:kam: 9/10 i hadnt read before... lol i cant wait to say these to poeple