Favortie Family Guy quotes!

[DJDeeb]

Here are some of mine:

Guy 1: Hey, you want a piece of gum?
Guy 2: Oh, thanks.
Guy 1: Ha ha! That was joke gum.
Guy 2: What do you mean?
Guy 1: Now you're addicted to heroin. [laughs]
Guy 2: [laughs then shivers] I'm cold.


Peter: "Doctor, I got this really strange growth around my groin"
Doctor:"Peter that's your Penis..."
Peter: "Oh, so that's what that is...what about -"
Doctor: "Testicles.."

CHRIS: Oh my God!! The government is here! Run, E.T. RUN!
E.T.: Waaeyeeeyeeee!!

Quag: "AAAL-RIGHT"
or
Quag: "Gigidy Gigidy Gigydy Gigidy Gigydy"

Chris, (after finally grabiing the twinkie that he was chasing )
"HAHA, got you! Now i'm gonna turn you into poo!"


OK.....now let see your favorite!!!!

[Kazuma]

the first epsode Peter is explaining how he never passed gas until he was 30..

*flashback*
(Peter sitting on a beanbag chair)
*silent*
he farts..
Peter - WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT?!!?

[MC Hammered]

When Peter was Death and he accidentally touches a plant and it wilts and says "Not to self: do not go to the bathroom!"


and in my sig.

[KStar]

*young peter* "why did all the dinosaurs die??

*peters teacher* "because you TOUCH YOURSELF AT NIGHT!"

[Taddy_Bare]

Quagmire finds the head cheerleader tied up in the washroom and says:
"Dear Diary: Jackpot!"

[DJDeeb]

Originally posted by Taddy_Bare
Quagmire finds the head cheerleader tied up in the washroom and says:
"Dear Diary: Jackpot!"

lol....good one!

more! more people!!!!!

[pbreak]

i don't remember anything specific, but Stewy rocks...

[kimmay candy]

Quagemire: "huhuhuh...911...its caught in the window this time..huhuh oHHH YEAH!! quagemire"
Stuie: "GONE!!"

when the everyones in the court room at peters trial..and everyone say: "OH NO, OH NO, OH NO... *koolaid jug busts in the court room wall and yells "OHHH YEAHHHHH" lol and tip toes out slowly~!

[Flip]

Quagmire shows up at Meg's friend's party and this blond chick opens the door:

Quagmire: "And how old are you little lady?"

Blond Chick: "16"

Quagmire: "18? Alright, you'll be first!"

Blond Chick: "Mom!"

Quagmire: "I like where this is going. Gigiddy gigiddy"

[MC Hammered]

Timdareez is the Quagmire of FnK

[Hot Karl]

Girl: You are the weakest link. Goodbye!

Stewie: Oh gosh that's funny. That's really funny. Do you write your own material? Do you? Because that is so fresh. "You are the weakest link, Goodbye!" I've never heard anyone make that joke before. Mmm. You're the first. I've never heard anyone reference, um reference that outside the program before. Because that's what she says on the show, right? "You are the weakest link, Goodbye!" And yet you've taken that, and used it out of context, to insult me in this everyday situation. Gosh, what a clever, smart girl you must be, to come up with a joke like that by your self. Mmm. That's so fresh, too. Any Titanic jokes you want to throw at me while we're hitting these phenomena at the height of their popularity? Because I'm right here. God you're so funny!

Peter: Make like Siamese twins and split... and then one of you die.

Quagmire: Hey there sweetie! How old are you?
Girl: 16.
Quagmire: 18! You're first.
Girl: Mom!!
Quagmire: I like where this is going! Gigity-gigity-gig-i-ty.

Peter, to children sitting around him on the floor, reading from the bible; "And if your real good, when you die you get to go to heaven, a wonderful place in the sky"

Children stare on eyes wide, smiling.

Peter: "Nah, just kidding, you just rot in the ground"

[ash1ee]

Quagmire: in the 80's i was always in bed by 8 .......... and home by 11! Oh!

Qagmire: Want another lemon snowcone peter?
Peter: thanks but the last one you gave me did not taste like lemon it tasted like...
oh you are an ass hole !

Fat Stewie: Damn u ice cream. come to my mouth

Farmers wife:(talking to stewie) I bet your hungry.
Stewie: Yes and i bet you lost your viginity to a mechenical bull...NOW CHANGE ME!

Stewie: Cut my eggs.
Butler: [cuts eggs] Your eggs are cut sir.
Stewie: Cut my milk!
Butler: I can’t sir, it’s liquid.
Stewie: Imbecile! Freeze it, then cut it, and if you question me again I’ll put you on diaper detail and I promise I won’t make it easy for you.

Quagmire: What? Fat bitches need loving too... but they have to pay

[Partizan]

when the dog's mom died.. and stewie was there when they went to bury her

cant quite remember how goes...
something along the lines of this:

dog: Say something!
stewie: What?
dog: Just say something please
stewie: Oh for god's sake! Umm ... uhh ... yae and god said to Abraham, "you will kill your son Isaac" and Abraham said, "I cant hear you, you'll have to speak into the microphone".. and God said, "oh I'm sorry, is this better? check check ... check. Jerry pull the high end out im still getting some hiss back here"

[ash1ee]

Peter: Hey Lois, give Chris a break. I mean, no TV? So he failed a class, it's not like he felt up his cousin in the garage that Thanksgiving when I was nineteen.

Chris:Meg, now try to guess the word i'm thinking, and it's not kitty.
Meg:Is it kitty?
Chris:OH MY GOD, GET OUT OF MY HEAD, AHHHHH!

Stewie: Time for a sexy party!!!!!!!!!

[Hot Karl]

http://www.cinescape.com/0/editorial...8&obj_id=39564

i am your new god. you are welcome

[KStar]

peter:i see ur bum

stewie:oh great y dont u take a picture u pervert so i'll have sumthing to bring to court!

Isn't bribe just another word for love?" -Peter

Peter - "Oh my god, Brian there's a message in my alphabets. It says ooooooo!!!"
Brian - "Peter, those are Cheerios."

Chris and Peter at an aquarium looking at a whale:
Chris- "Dad, what's the blohole for?"
Peter- "I'll tell you what's its NOT for..and then I'll tell you why I am no longer allowed to go to SeaWorld."

"I felt guilty once...but she woke up halfway through" -Quagmire

Stewie: "If you have sensitive hearing, here this (mouths inaudiibly fuck you)
Brian: "I'm telling"
Stewie: "No wait, I said vacumn!"

"When I stick this toy soldier's gun up my nose, I can feel my brain....OW!...now I don't know Math." -Chris

"Remember, Mr. T says I pity the fool who does drugs!- News guy

[KStar]

"You have to be this beautiful to ride the Quagmire!"

"Silly rabbit, Trix are for kids. Damned long-ears trying to take easter away from Jesus." - Peter

"Oh I feel so delightfully white trash! Mommy, I want a mullet!" - Stewie

"Oh, look at me! Look, my finger is in a very naughty palce!" - Stewie
"Kid, you're talking to a guy who uses his tongue for toilet paper." - Brian

[Beaker]

My favorite Family guy moment of all time----Stewie's "coool" rendition of ROCKETMAN Captain Kirk style...

[KStar]

Peter's and his buddies' bar had been turned into a British pub. As they entered:
British Bartender: "Evening gents, how about a nice warm larger?"
Brit 1: "And help yourself to a packet of crisps!"
Brit 2: "Or a ruddy nice plum pudding!"
Peter Griffin: "Holy cráp! It's a gay bar!"

(Peter in French class)
Teacher: "In french, when you want to say yes, you say 'Wee wee'."
Peter: "You gotta be kidding me! Oh my god, that is hysterical. Ah ha ha! Oh, man, what do you say for no, 'doo doo'? Ah Ha Ha! Hey, I'll be right back, I gotta take a wicked 'Yes'."

(After Brian pees in a store)
peter: Geez Brian, where do you think you are, Payless?

[beat_farmer]

Chris: "That place(chcuky cheese clone) is soooooo cool. They have this game wear you put in a dollar and you get four quarters. I win every time!!"


B//F

[Twista]

Stewie's teeth (he's teething):

First tooth pops out.

First tooth: Ah-Ha! I claim this mouth in the name of INCISOR!

Second tooth pops out.

Second tooth: Not so fast!
First Tooth: Bicuspid! We meet again...
Second Tooth: I challenge you to a duel!

Both teeth struggle violently towards each other, obviously with no result.

First Tooth: Very well...shall we bite the tongue then?
Second Tooth: On Three! One, Two...

Stewie: OOOOOwwwwwwww!

[DJDeeb]

^^


Stewie after taking Meg's glases: " Heres an eye exam. ( holds up a long brown object ) Is this a Toblerone or a poopie?!"

[omega_image]

i cant believe none of u put down the stapler line

[this is not the actual quote, just what i remember]

Peter: Are you going to eat that?
tv guy: thats a stapler
peter: wanna split it?

[Jrock]

after having sex

Social worker - "Glen, honey, I have a question for you. What do you do for a living?"

Quagmire - "I have a question for you to, why are you still here?"


Black and white film - "And remember, nothing says goodjob like a firm open hand slap on the behind"

Brian - "I'm not drunk. All right? I just have a speech impediment." Throws up
"And a stomach virus" Falls off stool "and an inner-ear infection"


Brian - "Where are the bags?"

Stewie - "What the deuce do you mean where's the bags? They're right-"

Stewie - "Rupert! I told you to watch the bags" "You were watching the boys again, weren't you?" "It's that steward, isn't it?" "The one that looks like Tab Hunter!"

-jay :209:

[beat_farmer]

bAH. Mines still the funniest cause it came from chris :P




B//F