Oct 02, 03
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dating
There was a young pretty virgin girl who lived with her grandma.
She was invited to go on her first date. Before the date her grandma took her aside and said to her, " The boy is going to try to kiss you; you will like that. But don't let him do it. The boy will try to feel your breast; you will like that. But don't let him do it. The boy will try to put his hands between your legs; you will like that. But don't let him do that. The boy will try to get on top of you and have his way with you. Most certainely don't let him do that. He will disgrace your dear family if you let him do that." The girl went on her date and when she came back her grandma asked her how it went. The young girl said, "It was just like you said Grandma! But, to reassure you. When he tried that business with getting on top of me, I rolled him over, got on top of him, and disgraced HIS family!" 
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Oct 02, 03
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The Top 10 Reasons Why It Sucks To Be A Dick
10. You've got a hole in your head. 9. Your master strangles you all the time. 8. Your head is disproportionate to the rest of your body. 7. You shrink in cold water. 6. You never get a haircut. 5. You always hang around with 2 nuts. 4. Your closest neighbor is an asshole. 3. Your best friend is a pussy. 2. Your scalp gets cut off if you're Jewish. And the number one reason why it sucks to be a dick: 1. Everytime you get excited, you throw up.
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Oct 02, 03
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Final Exam
A teacher was wrapping up class, and started talking about tomorrow's final exam. He said there would be no excuses for not showing up tomorrow, barring a dire medical condition or an immediate family member's death. One smart ass, male student said, "What about extreme sexual exhaustion?" and the whole classroom burst into laughter. After the laughter had subsided, the teacher glared at the student, and said, "Not an excuse, you can use your other hand to write."
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Oct 02, 03
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What a Woman Says...What a Man Hears
What a woman says: This place is a mess! C'mon, you and I need to clean up, Your stuff is lying on the floor and you'll have no clothes to wear, if we don't do laundry right now! What a man hears: blah, blah, blah, blah, C'MON blah, blah, blah, blah, YOU AND I blah, blah, blah, blah, ON THE FLOOR blah, blah, blah, blah, NO CLOTHES blah, blah, blah, blah, RIGHT NOW
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Oct 02, 03
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The Nudge
A man is in a hotel lobby and wants to ask the clerk a question. As he turns to go to the front desk, he accidentally bumps into a woman beside him and his elbow pokes her in the breast. They are both quite startled. The man turns to her and says, "Ma'am, if your heart is as soft as your breast, I know you'll forgive me." She replies, "If your penis is as hard as your elbow, I'm in room 436."
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Oct 02, 03
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Lesbian in a Bar
A guy walks into a bar and sits down next to a girl and starts flirting with her. She turns around and says, "You know, I'm a lesbian." He just nods and keeps flirting. So she turns around again and says to him, "Do you know what a lesbian is?" He replies no. She says, "You see that woman there. I want to strip her down and have open sex with her all over the floor." Upon hearing that, the man starts sobbing. She asks, "What's wrong?" And he says, "I think I'm a lesbian too!"
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so true
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Oct 02, 03
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no problemo - i was felling kinda down myself - these helped me a bit
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Oct 02, 03
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Here's a few one liners that are pretty good;
Q) Why is divorce so expensive? A) Because it's worth it. Q) What's the fluid capacity of Monica Lewinsky's mouth? A) One US leader. Q) What do you call a smart blonde? A) A golden retriever. Q) What's the fastest way to a man's heart? A) Through his chest with a sharp knife. Q) What did the blonde say when she found out she was pregnant? A) Are you sure it's mine? Q) Why does Mike Tyson cry during sex? A) Mace will do that to you. Q) What does it mean when the flag at the Post Office is flying at half-mast? A) They're hiring. Q) How do you get a sweet little 80-year-old lady to say the F... word? A) Get another sweet little 80-year-old lady to yell *BINGO*! The Tyson one is so good...
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Oct 02, 03
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I got a chuckle out of all of them :hehe:
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Oct 03, 03
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baaaahaaa
half mast means their hiring!! love it
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