consider

[Ragga_Wh0re]

consider it passionate surrender,
when my body wont stop
touchme...tease me..tempt me forever
...ive reached the top

where do we go from the top?
no where but down,
be there to catch me when i fall,
let it be your name...
that i call.

consider it choreographed surrender
when the bassline comes into play...
when my heart wont stop beating
and when my legs dont fail me.

[Goat]

sorta choppy, good effort though.

suggestions:

consider it passionate surrender,
when my body wont stop
touchme...tease me..tempt me forever
until ive reached the top

where do we go from here?
things can never be the same
be there,catch me when i fall,
let it be your name...
that i call.

if you're gonna have two rhyming stanza's i'd suggest finishing with a third.

just suggestions. keep writing.

[junglequeen]

good stuff
i think that the last lines of each stanza need to be the same amount of syllables
thats just my two cents though


consider it passionate surrender

when my body wont stop
touchme...tease me..tempt me forever
reach the top

where do we go from the top?

no where but down,
be there to catch me when i fall,
let it be your name...
that i call.

consider it choreographed surrender
when the bassline comes into play...
when my heart wont stop beating
and the legs beneath me wont stay

that didnt really fit but you get what im saying

[Ragga_Wh0re]

it fit to me.

:)