#1
THE ATKINS DIET you can't even eat an apple anymore without some bacon chugging ketosis-zombie telling you about the insane amount of carbs inside. It's bad enough that they're selling low-carb toilet paper in the grocery stores to appeal to these idiots, but they're putting such a drain on the beef supply that I can't buy a good steak without taking out a second mortgage on my house. I just keep thinking about the line Daniel Stern's character said in "City Slickers" after Curly died, "The man ate bacon at every meal...you just can't do that!" Here's a tip, when the autopsy they performed on the guy that founded your diet shows that his veins had turned into a network of Slim Jims and Vienna Sausages, it's time to rethink your plan.