Cigarettes and Tampons,Wife vs. Husband and other interesting tales...

[dapimpstress]

Woman's Perfect Breakfast

She's sitting at the table with her gourmet coffee.
Her son is on the cover of the Wheaties box.
Her daughter is on the cover of Business Week.
Her boyfriend is on the cover of Playgirl.
And her husband is on the back of the milk carton.

Cigarettes and Tampons
A man walks into a pharmacy and wanders up and down the aisles. The sales girl notices him and asks him if she can help him. He answers that he is looking for a box of tampons for his wife. She directs him down the correct aisle. A few minutes later, he deposits a huge bag of cotton balls and a ball of string on the counter. She says, confused,
"Sir, I thought you were looking for some tampons for your wife?
He answers, " You see, it's like this, yesterday, I sent my wife to the store to get me a carton of cigarettes,
and she came back with a tin of tobacco and some rolling papers; cause it's sooo-ooo--oo-ooo much cheaper. So, I figure if I have to roll my own ............ so does she.

( I figure this guy is the one on the milk carton! )


Wife Vs. Husband
A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word. An earlier discussion had led to an argument and neither of them wanted to concede their position. As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats, and pigs, the husband asked sarcastically, "Relatives of yours?"

"Yep," the wife replied, "in-laws."


Words
A husband read an article to his wife about how many words women use a day... 30,000 to a man's 15,000.
The wife replied, "The reason has to be because we have to repeat everything to men...
The husband then turned to his wife and asked, "What?"



Woman's Revenge

"Cash, check or charge?" I asked, after folding items the woman wished to purchase. As she fumbled for her wallet I noticed a remote control for a television set in her purse. "So, do you always carry your TV remote?" I asked. "No," she replied, " but my husband refused to come shopping with me, and I figured this was the most evil thing I could do to him legally."


Understanding Women
(A MAN'S PERSPECTIVE)
I know I'm not going to understand women.
I'll never understand how you can take boiling hot wax, pour it onto your upper thigh, rip the hair out by the root, and still be afraid of a spider.


Marriage Seminar
While attending a Marriage Seminar dealing with
communication, Tom and his wife Grace listened to the instructor, "It is essential that husbands and wives know the things that are important to each other."

He addressed the man, "Can you describe your wife's favorite flower?"
Tom leaned over, touched his wife's arm gently and
whispered, "It's Pillsbury, isn't it?
The rest of the story gets rather ugly, so I'll stop right here.

[zarlon]

golden.

[dapimpstress]

Originally Posted by zarlon

golden.

wow. why thank u. i was jus thinking a similar thing in re: your post re: girls gone retarted.

[zarlon]

good shit. would you happen to also be at wrk?

[dapimpstress]

Originally Posted by zarlon

good shit. would you happen to also be at wrk?

yes. why however did you know? and, let me guess, you are as well?

[zarlon]

why however did i know.. i just had a hunch, madame.

excellent deduction! exxxccelllent. fuck i'm bored. there's nothing to do here.

i will soon run rampant (even more so rather) on fnk.

[dapimpstress]

Alas, my days of running rampant (i LOVE, LOVE, LOVE... this phrase BTW) on FnK have become boring and drab, the threads are endlessly the same, and work is not serving to entertain me enough. I have been forced to become a hi5 whore, due to the increasing receipt of invites from my friends.

[zarlon]

damn, yeah i've been getting ridiculous invites from hi5 as well as friendster. funny because I NEVER add anyone, and all i do is go on there to laugh really. i dunno the iq of hi-5 seems relatively low imo.

fuck man. i wish i could run rampant with a bottle of liquor right now. scotch preferably. on the rocks, served to me by a french maid IN my cubicle. then i could loot the office.

and become a maniac.

[dapimpstress]

oh lordy. wouldn't that JUST BE the DAY. *le sigh*I think we are having hot dogs in our admin meeting. I'm going to smoke a phattie full of keef on my lunch just to make them that much better. *drool* keef....

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that was me daydreaming about keef. im done now.

[zarlon]

yeah, they let you get away with that shit at work?

i wish we got wine at work. wine wine wine.

winneeee!

cheese.

[dapimpstress]

how u like RED wine? hm. perhaps u should come drink wine with the fat bitches soon. i will bring it up in a meeting.

no they don't let me do it at work, unfortunately. i walk to my homies house a few blocks away, and we smoke there. he works pretty close to me, and we both love to burn. so yeah.

grr admin meetings though. RIGHT after LUNCH. as if they KNOW u wanna go blaze one on ur break, and they're jus like, well, do THAT, and then COME to the MEETING like it!

meh, its not too bad tho. not like anyone notices. i hope. *knocks on drawers made of wood*

[zarlon]

i like red, white.. as long as it is flavourful and tasty. i want to smoke at work :( or during lunch. but no one i know lives in north vancouver... wahhhh.. well i guess i can smoke when i get home. fuck speaking of smokes i did not get to have one this morning.

im going to die. its 11:15 am and i have not yet had a cigarette. youre lucky they haven't noticed that you smoke - i wonder what the reaction to that would be.

is marijuana really that propagandized down there, as us canadians are led to believe?

[penguinabc123]

you must spread karma around before giving it toa shes again

[*K*i*t*t*e*n*]

haha those are some of the funniest things ive read all week!! Spectacular!