Oct 03, 05
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whats the difference b/w a pile of dead babies and a mercedes benz?
i dont have a mercedes benz in my garage. whats the difference between a pile of dead babies and a pile of bowling balls? you cant pick up a pile of bowling balls with a pitch fork. why do you put a baby in the blender feet first? to see the expression on its face. whats the best way to get it out of the blender? tortilla chips. what do you get when you put a baby in the microwave and turn it on? i don't know about you guys, but i get an erection. are jesus jokes fair play? Last edited by mojo; Oct 03, 05 at 08:35 AM. 
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Oct 20, 05
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A farmer sent his 18 year old son to town and, as a birthday present, handed him a duck.
"See if you can get a girl in exchange for this," he said. In town, the lad met a prostitute and said, "It's my birthday and all I've got is this duck. Would you be willing to..." "Sure," she said. "I'm sentimental about birthdays. And besides, I've never owned a duck." Afterwards, she said, "Do you know, for a 18 year old, you're quite a lay. If you do it again, I'll give you back your duck." "Sure," said the boy. When his pleasurable work was through, the lad started on his way home. While he was crossing the main street in the village, the duck suddenly flew out of his hands and was hit by a passing beer truck. The driver of the truck felt sorry for the boy and gave him $2. When the lad returned home, his father asked, "Well, how did you make out?" His son replied, "Heck, I got a fuck for a duck, a duck for a fuck, and two bucks for a fucked-up duck!"
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Oct 20, 05
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What's pink, black, spins in circles and taps on the window?
Baby in a microwave. What's green, black and doesn't? Same baby, three weeks later. What do you do when you're done fucking a 4-year-old girl? Flip her over and pretend she's a 4-year-old boy. What's the definition of eternal love? Stevie Wonder and Ray Charles playing tennis. How do you torture Hellen Keller? Rearrange her furniture. Did you hear about how Hellen Keller's dog committed suicide? You would too if your name was hnnnng-fffneh. Why can't Hellen Keller drive? Because she's a woman. What's the difference between a skinhead and a bucket of shit? The bucket? What do you tell your wife when she has two black eyes? Nothing. Already told the bitch twice. What do you do if your wife is watching TV in the living room? Go into the kitchen and shorten the leash. What do you call it when you get your wife drunk? Loading up the dishwasher. Seen Stevie Wonders new car? That's okay. Neither has he. Why didn't Superman save the WTC from the plane attacks? Because he was quadraplegic. You know there's a whole other forum for these, right?
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Oct 20, 05
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i only have racist jokes :(
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Oct 20, 05
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I like how I make a slew of dead baby, blind and wife-beater jokes, and the one that garners a negative reaction is a single native joke.
"Let's not have a double standard here, one standard will do just fine." - George Carlin.
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Oct 20, 05
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Don't get offended I'm a chug hahah
What do you call 2 indians in a ditch? a sleepover What's the fastes thing on the indian reserve? the lysol truck what's the second fastest thing? the indians chasing it how do you kill half an indian reserve? throw a whiskee bottle down a cliff how do you kill the other half? tell them it's still down there what do you Surrey girls put behind their ears to look sexy? Their knees
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Oct 20, 05
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Quote:
PS dont be jealous please!
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Oct 20, 05
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Q. What do an elephant and a plum have in common?
A. They are both purple. Except for the elephant. Q. What is green and fuzzy and hurts when it falls out of a tree and lands on you? A. A pool table. Q. Where are my pants? A. I don't know.
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Oct 20, 05
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"How do you make a cat sound like a dog?"
Douse it in gasoline and light it on fire...wooof! "How do you make a dog sound like a cat?" Put in the freezer and then take it to a bandsaw... meeeeeoooowww... Last edited by Asheai; Oct 20, 05 at 06:10 PM.
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Oct 20, 05
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Quote:
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Oct 21, 05
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Mr. Smith owned a small business. He had two employees, Sarah and Jack. They were both extremely good employees - always willing to work overtime and chip in where needed. Mr. Smith was looking over his books one day and decided that he wasn't making enough money to warrant two employees and he would have to lay one off. But both Sarah and Jack were such good workers he was having trouble finding a fair way to do it. He decided that he would watch them work and the first one to take a break would be the one he would lay off.
So, he sat in his office and watched them work. Suddenly, Sarah gets a terrible headache and needs to take an aspirin. She gets the aspirin out of her purse and goes to the water cooler to get something to wash it down with. Mr. Smith follows her to the water cooler, taps her on the shoulder and says, "Sarah, I'm going to have to lay you or Jack off." And Sarah says, "Can you jack off? I have a headache!"
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