Guy tells off ex-gf through email...

[Evolve]

I hope this isn't a repost, but I thought it was pretty funny....

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Let me start off by saying I'm too big of a ***** to do something like this, but I loved every second of it because I wish I had the nerve. I'm too much of a 'nice guy'

Without further adieu:

http://www.l2orphus.com/forum/index....ic=143205&st=0

Brad,


It would be difficult for me to be any more miserable right now, I
feel like the worst person ever. First, let me start by saying that
I am truly truly sorry, and I hate myself for hurting you. Of all the people in the whole entire world, you were honestly the last person
that I would ever want to wrong in any way. There is no excuse at
all for anything that happened, so I won't even try other than to say that
all of us had WAY too much to drink, and I did a stupid thing.


I can handle you being pissed at me, I absolutely deserve it, I can
even handle the ugly words that were exchanged between us, what
I can't handle is thinking that you see me as a different person. It is
weird, I feel like I just went through a horrible break up or something.
The world looked funny yesterday, I couldn't crack a smile if you paid
me, there are songs I can't listen to, and I just feel beyond crushed.
I don't know if you meant everything you said to me, and I am hoping
that you didn't.

I know that I was wrong on many levels, but I am also
hoping that this is something that we can deal with. I know it
sounds totally crazy and stupid, but you have come to play such a
significant role in my life, I can't imagine my days without you. It is
totally strange and weird to say that, and you could say that my
behavior didn't reflect that, and you would be correct. I hate feeling
like you hate me, and I hate feeling like all of your friends think I am a
terrible person, because I am not.


I know there is nothing I can say or do to take back what happened,
but I just want you to know that fighting with you was just about
the worst thing I could have ever imagined. It was right up there with one of the ugliest nights of my life, and I would give anything in the world
to rewind and fix it.


I am not sure if you will respond to this, part of me thinks that
you won't. If not today, then maybe some other time. Also, thanks for
getting my stuff together, although I think my sunglasses are still
at your house, if you could keep your eyes peeled for them that would
be great. I can't even focus or work today, I can't eat, I seriously
feel like it was an ugly break up, and I am hoping against hopes that it
was not that and you are not done with me. Please don't cut me off,
I really don't think I can handle that.


I am so sorry.


Elizabeth





-----Original Message-----

Sent: Monday, October 24, 2005 12:02 PM

Subject: Re: Ugh....enjoy.



Dear Elizabeth,


Thank you for your concern. I'll be sure to file it away under "L"
for "Long-winded diatribes from drunken *****s I couldn't care less
about".


You did a stupid thing huh? No...doing long division and forgetting
to carry the one is "a stupid thing"; Mixing in a red sock with a
load of whites is "a stupid thing"; Blowing some guy in a bathroom for
45 minutes while I sit at the bar wondering if you're taking so long
because you ate too much bran that morning isn't as much a "Stupid
thing" as it is grounds for permanent removal from my social
calendar.


To be honest, I'm not sure if it was more amusing that you went and
degraded yourself in a public toilet not once but twice in a 2 hour
span, or that you seemed to think that by saying "Well, I didn't
-_- him" somehow gave you a clean slate.


So forgive me if I couldn't care less if the world "looked funny"
to you yesterday. Since your world revolves around blow dryers, golden
retrievers, Prada Bags and Jelly Beans, I'm sure it must have been
most unsettling to actually have to consider someone else's
feelings for 24 hours straight. The good news for you is that my friends
don't think you're a terrible person, they just think you're the average
run of the mill cum-guzzling blond who commands about as much respect
as your average child porn collector. I could be wrong but, it's
pretty hard to respect some B&T chick who comes out to spend the night at my place even though she's seeing someone else in New jersey and winds up tongue-bathing the taint of anyone who decides 30 minutes of
droning commentary on Colin Farrell's new haircut is worth putting up with
for a hand and b-job in the men's room. The good thing about being a
guy is that when I eventually bump into the young lad who finger-blasted
you on top of a towel dispenser last Saturday, we'll have a shot and
laugh our heads off about the time it happened.


By the way, for the amount of time you claim to spend in spin class
you really must be doing something wrong to sport the thunder
thighs you do. Watching you parade around my bedroom in a thong was a
little like watching sea lions mate. Thought you might like to know.


PS. I BCC'd about 100 people on this email.


Talk to you never,

Brad

[Juicyka]

AHHHHHHHH HA HA HA HA HA HA HA AHA HA HA HA HA.......
that was fuckin halarious.
i really enjoyed the second e-mail.
well written.

[decypher]

"Watching you parade around my bedroom in a thong was a
little like watching sea lions mate."

[Sarah...]

Thats awsome

[nabs]

one of a kind

[Revolver]

OWNED!!!!!!!

i thought this thread would be fuckin dumb...but nope. this ruled. the guy who wrote this is my hero.the girl fuckin reminds me of someone i used to date

OWNED!

[BenGiovanni]

bwahahaha

[Two_Six]

Too funny, the bitch got OWNED!!