A poem

[JungleJunkie]

i'm utterly silent and black inside
and cold
i'm devoid of feeling
my insides are cavernous and deep
and bleekly cold

i lay here
in a sickeningly vile pool
lipidly swimming with every overwhelming emotion
and quiet thought and darkness
swirling round my fingertips
exposed and infantinely tender
and cold

how is it that this reality came to be?
i can hardly remember life before this
black existence
vainly i reach out
awkward and clumsy fingers outstretched
blindly searching for guidance
selfishly seeking for pity
meekly begging for compassion and love inside
and warmth

[bob]

i like how you used the word "and"

[Rhianna]

THAT'S MY BABY! Always happy and full of joy.

[yoko*]

that's interesting junglejunkie

suggestion: maybe you can avoid using so many "I'd" in the first stanza? that might leave a better effect... perhaps?

Ex.
utterly silent and black inside
cold, i'm devoid of feeling
insides, cavernous and deep
and bleekly cold

that sort of things ;)
just a personal opinion.

[bob]

Originally posted by yoko*
suggestion: maybe you can avoid using so many "I'd" in the first stanza? that might leave a better effect... perhaps?

she didn't say "i'd" once
*throws candy at yoko*

[Aki]

she means just "I" ...
Karl you are my favorite! sweet poem

[yoko*]

yeah! like Aki said!! read you bumnut!
*throws a bar of soap at bob*

ahhh the memories of... tokemon(?)

[yoko*]

oh my bad..who's the bumnut now.. *sigh* I get what you were trying to say.. but what I did mean was "I's"

[Sammy Skillz]

a beautifully dark poem mr. karl! i like it a lot

[~lazee_grrl~]

Originally posted by yoko*
yeah! like Aki said!! read you bumnut!

yupz..aki is the smart one..=P~

luv the poem karl..descriptive..nice~