big changes

[mugsy]

so ive been the main caregiver for my dad for the past 5 years now, and due to my mothers what we can only determine as selfishness she has decided to move into an apartment, essentailly kicking me out. if situations were different, i'd be most happy and most likely not at home right now - i'd be somewhere in europe attending art school. but i made the choice at the beginning of my dad getting sick to not pursue anything quite yet - that i had time and to not go out and get a demanding or profitable job. i love what i do right now (im a nanny) but cant deny that it just covers enough for bills and a few trips to the movies every month. my dad is outraged, but has to respect his wifes wishes. he has made it clear that he wants to die in this house - its the house he provided for his family, the one that he has put so much of himself into. hes comfertable here. there are so many sides to this situation - financailly, they dont need to move. but emotionally i can see why my mom would want to move now - memories can be extremely intense and extremely painful. another negative is with me gone, my dad will end up relying on home care nurses, which he doesnt want to due to pride and other things. i went away recently for a week and he called daily, saying he missed me\i made his day brighter\filled him with laughter. ive always been his little princess, and through all of this, we've been each others main support in many aspects. when he has a terrible day, im there to make him laugh cheer him up and vice versa. i cant imagine not being that person for him still daily. just because im not living with them doesnt mean i wouldnt be there whenever i could be, but there would be a massive gap of time or it would seem like a massive gap when i wouldnt be there. and i know that for me personally, taking care of him, helping him when he needs it and being around him constantly has been my way of coping. you catch moments that you know you want to bank in your memory forever, chances to do things you wouldnt normally have.
theres not much solving to this situation. both my dad and i are bummed. theres no reasoning with a menopausal woman who is loosing her husband to cancer, we've tried many times. all we can do is just wait, and get as much quality time in as possible. it makes me sick to my stomach the my mom wont listen to either of us, but mostly that she wont listen to my dad. time is moving alot quicker for him right now, plans can no longer be made in advance. his main wish right now is to stay in this house, and she refuses to even concider.
i want to scream for him.

[mekim]

there may be no reasoning with a menopausal woman but she'll regret that decision for the rest of her life. i feel sorry for her.

[diva]

*hugs*

Hang in there. Maybe your mom needs to go to therapy if she she hasn't already?...

[ebbomega]

I'll express my sympathy when you grasp the concept of a paragraph

[/nazi]

[cubed]

If your parents own their property, your mother doesn't have say in whether the property can be sold or not. Both home owners need to consent to the sale. So unless your dad agrees, your mom's pretty much SOL. Now all this barring unless your mom has power of attorney over your father and he's found to be not of sound mind to be making such decisions. Ultimately it can't happen unless your dad agrees to it, now in his condition he may not want to fight her to this extent on it. Either way, look at this is a release to begin to move on with your life. I'm sure both your parents would be a lot happier if you did.

[LLaaUUrrYYn]

I am really sorry..

You really need to look at the situation through your moms eyes. She watching her husband die. Maybe living in that house is just to painful for her.. however, your dad should be able to live out the rest of his life wherever he wants too.

I hope it all works out.. Why not get a 2 bedroom apartment?

[mojo]

Also, perhaps deep down your dad knows that he is holding you back from your own potential because you want to be there for him.
maybe. either way, i hope everything straightens for you.

[cubed]

I've missed mugsy complaining on fnk.

:(

[mugsy]

^ hey hey hey now.

my mom has power of attorney - all money\paper work to do with dad not being here we have changed over and already dealt with as its usually one of the more harder things to face after a loved one dies.

my dad and i have had numerous talks about my choice to stay at home\not persue quit yet what i will persue and he feels guilt, i feel guilt, but in the end i know i would regret not being here taking care of him.

anyways, its not really something that can be solved. people make decisions, not everyone has to agree.

[lildonkey]

That's a heartbreaking story, and it's absolutely selfish to not grant someone their dying wish. The man who you married and shared your life with, at that. I hope your mom will realize the err in her decision making when it came to this situation. I hope everything works out for you, and that you are able to spend adequate time with your father before he passes. There is plenty of time to persue your future, but personally, i would spend time with your father now - as you won't be able to do that later on and you may regret it later on.

ebbomegga: Shut the fuck up. Have some class. I fuck around a lot on FNK a lot as well, but when it comes down to it - I wouldn't do anything this distasteful and classless. You're not funny. Grow up.