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Dec 12, 03
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what to do?
I have this friend and her parents are VERY strict! she's 20 and they treat her like she is 15. my friend says she hates living there and always tries to runaway but always goes back, and she always gets my hopes up like by saying that she wants to move out and get a place with me and we make all these fucking rad plans and then she gets up and leaves in the middle of the nite this has only happened twice but fuck is it ever getting to me! I know it must be hard for her cause like i said her parents are very strict and have always restricted her freedom, so now she's rebelling and she's 20 if she wants to move out there is nothing her parents can do ! I keep trying to tell her this but she doesn't listen. i can understand not wanting to leave the comforts of home but if your 20 and still thinking you need to run away from
home when are u acually going to leave home? I just don't know what to tell her anymore i want to be her friend and support her shit, we've been friends since 4th grade. but i've run outta ideas. please help, any suggestions ( serious one's! ) would be great. 
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Dec 12, 03
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Just because you are 20 does not mean you have the skills nor the means to tackle what life is going to throw your way. I do shake my head at kids that complain and do not realize just how much easier life is when you do live at home. Remember that you are under someone elses roof so you have to play by their rules. Sure you can't party when you want, go home when you want, have friends over when you want or have boys over when you want. It might not be what you like but you are not paying rent, food, heat, hot water, washing of your clothes, cable, phone, internet, etc. I would suggest you back off a bit trying to get your friend to leave home if she does not feel comfortable with that fact in her head. Saying you want to do something and actually doing it are two totally different things.
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Dec 12, 03
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thats just crazy you just have to sit her down and tell her the way normal parants treat there 20 year old children and basically tell her that if she doesnt start living her own life and doin what she wants that things are never gona change for her.
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Dec 12, 03
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May I ask just how do 'normal parents' treat 20 year old children?
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Dec 12, 03
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Dec 12, 03
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WOW!
Obviously I didn't have 'normal parents' as they were controlling and strict as they paid for my tuition to UBC and I put my nose back into the books and never had a social life. Sux 2 b me. :(
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Dec 12, 03
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Dec 12, 03
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I honestly had no social life due to the fact I was raised in a strict Chinese household and the children were pressed into heavy academics.
I really had no choice but to go to school as I never knew of anything else outside of academics. I had no idea what school dances were like in highschool... had a glimpse of them in the Grade 12 year. I never got to participate in skiing/snowboardin excursions and road trips. I literally had no social life outside of school as I never know what that world was like. Did I resent that? Yes I did when I was out at UBC and realized that there was a world out there that I was isolated away from for so long. Do I blame my parents? I hated them for doing it but know I understand why they did and love them because of it. I can't say that I understood that they knew what was best for me in my life, however, I must say that I do understand that they felt that education was much more important than anything else.
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Dec 12, 03
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Dec 12, 03
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Well that's is the sacrifice one has to make and the difference from being a doctor compared to a slave working for average wages.
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Dec 12, 03
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^ it's different perspectives about parenting from different cultures with different values - and there is likely going ot be little agreement.
I don't agree with the way some parents raise their children but that doesn't mean that it's wrong - and I think that if you don't allow a child to be a child and a teen to be a teen that eventually that person will have to live through those times anyway -- i mean how many older Asian folk have you seen at raves, does that maybe have something to do with the fact that their 'fun' may have been liited in early years so that they could focus on studies? It's a thought. My parents gave me curfews and rules and such - but when I was accepted to University I could have my space and make my own choices and they'd give me a roof and food while I paid my way through school. My parents could have choosen a career for me - something that might make me money and give me better things - but that is not the pursuit of life for me I want to do something that gives me satisfaction on the inside and I think I am on the start of that path now
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Dec 12, 03
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I don't know this person but maybe her parents treat her like a kid because she acts like one. I notice the same thing with my younger sisters... they're treated like that as well, but for the most part they deserve it. I, on the other hand, moved out when I was 18 and have supported myself since, so proved I wasn't a kid and have been treated like an adult since then. Like I said, though, I don't know this person.
Regardless, there's nothing you need to do... this is your friends decision. That is unless you want to suggest moving out with her and helping each other out.
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Dec 12, 03
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ya theres nothing like the sacrifice of youth and personal happiness for greed
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Dec 12, 03
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Money can't buy happiness but it can make life a hell of a lot more enjoyable when I'm older.
The decision is yours to make.
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Dec 17, 03
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k, yes i know if your living at home you should follow the rules and respect your parents and yeah mabye down the road she will be thanking them for pushing her through school but i guess i should have gone into detail her parents hit and slap her around all the time and she been to collage and now she's working.and still her parents say she can only stay out till like 10 with people they aprove of and if she gets buste doing anything elese wrong her parents most likely try and send her to live with some relitives in europe. oh and when she did stay at my place we made plans to move in toget her and i'm not trying to force her to move i'm just here for her if she does
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Dec 17, 03
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oh and yeah i forgot to mention that the reason i told her that there is nothing her parents can do if she tries to leave is because she is scaird they will phisicly restrain herand i told her that legally they are not allowed to do so.
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