not knowing how to feel/feeling everything at once

[prozac]

Fuck.

Everything is so surreal right now. It's hard to breathe.

I'm feeling every emotion in the feeling rainbow and no-one is home to answer my calls right now, I'm all alone at home, so I'm posting here to vent it all a little...

This morning I found out that someone in my family died. But it's not bad news, just really wierd news. I haven't seen/spoken to this person in five years. They did something really terrible to me when I was 14, and I've pretty much written them off in my world. Every now and then I hear something wierd through the family grapevine...the most recent being a letter he wrote saying that he never hurt me (which he did) and dissing my mom really bad.

Then poof! he died of a massive heart attack. I'm feeling everything from good riddance to an overwhelming sense of grief/loss, which is wierd because I lost him 5 years ago. I feel like laughing hysterically. I feel like crying till I cant cry anymore...there's a lot of family drama related to this so its mostly just really wierd...I feel like I'm walking in a haze.

Then ten minutes after finding that out, my mom told me that my favorite uncle, who we've been worried about cause we haven't heard from him in a few months, has had a massive stroke. We haven't heard from him because he's been in ICU somewhere half-paralyzed for the past few months....that is so disturbing, he's such an independent, free-roaming kinda guy.


I'm all fucked up: sad, relieved, disappointed, angry, guilty, amused, wondering what's going to happen to a sizeable inheritance that once would have been destined for me..........

FUCKING WIERD.

I'm going to go have a bath and eat some ice cream. That is the solution to all the worlds problems, I swear.

Thatnks for listening.

~jessica

[cinist]

thats wack, keep yo chin up

[Dice_]

aww

[mugsy]

i was gonna say ice cream and a bath... but you took the words outta my life. cookie dough helps too.
keep your head straight and your chin up

[party_babe]

i hate the feeling of everything at once, its soo fuckin over whelming. Good luck sweetie

[Pussy_Kat]

awe baby im sorry
it can only get better tho
karma will get u
ur allwed 3 bad events in a year and uve already had two so its bound to get better now

[prozac]

i hope so.

feeling a little better now.

thanks for the kind words, all.

[zarlon]

good luck.. just keep on movin' aiight? =)

3 bad events in a year... hahah i call bullshit on that one, unless im just really unlucky

[vdubrolla]

i'm in the same boat as you hun..........too many emotions to deal with and too many other peoples BS on top of it........

[prozac]

^ hey! you're in courtenay? i'm in Campbell River...temporarily anyways.

[vdubrolla]

ouch.....what ya doin there?

[prozac]

takin of advantage of free rent, working shitty jobs, trying to save some cash for when i move back to van (in the summer probably)

[sweet~kandy]

I feel ya, only those emotions are on a different situation