sex right away = relationship?

[Jingles]

Okay - so i am getting older, older means wiser and more mature - right?

Yet there are a few things and ideas in my head that no matter how 'liberated' I get that I can't shake
and it really bugs me

On Sex and the City there is constant meet new boy, fuck new boy..and sometimes then even date new boy

okay - so listening to Andre 3000 last night he has a track where he wakes up with a gal he went home with..and he's thinking that she's more then just a piece of ass
and she's thinks 'he probably thinks i'm cheap'

I'd ask what you think about sex on a first date - but truthfully, most of us don't really go out on dates - now do we?

I personally think that sex right off the bat is okay ..but i know that if you engage in it right away then you are sending out a sort of a mixed message - and for me personally, it's caused issues in the past.....

If you meet someone, or our friends with someone, you are hanging out with someone, or you are at a party...and you end up in bed with that person
do you think that a "real" realtionship can still develop?

Or do you presume the person thinks you are dirty and you just leave it at that?

[klockwize]

for me.............if you fuck on the first day .....all your gonna do is fuck!
but when i met my ex-g/f of the past year and 3 months we did it on the 5th day, and it was a good relationship, we broke up for other reasons

i guess it depends on oh well you know the person (if at all) and what your lookin for at the time

[MAx]

Nowadays sex just means sex....wich to me is really unfortunate because to me sex means so much more than that. I think that 50 percent of the time if you have sex on the "first date" the relationship that you'll end up haveing is gonna eventually get boreing....Pleasure delay is key sometimes....oh well i may be wrong...

[axion]

i agree with klockwize. if you have sex on the first date then you are sending your partner the message that the relationship will be based on fucking. unless of course you are up front and explain your feelings for them.

i dont think anyone should really feel cheap for sleeping with someone on the first date, provided that both people involved are mature and responsible. theres nothing wrong with 2 adults having sweaty animal sex for a night and leaving it for the morning after to discuss where things should go from there.

[Kraig]

Originally posted by Jingles
I personally think that sex right off the bat is okay ..but i know that if you engage in it right away then you are sending out a sort of a mixed message - and for me personally, it's caused issues in the past.....

If you meet someone, or our friends with someone, you are hanging out with someone, or you are at a party...and you end up in bed with that person
do you think that a "real" realtionship can still develop?

Or do you presume the person thinks you are dirty and you just leave it at that?

Great post Jinglestiltskins!

A.) I think sex right off the bat is okay as well BUT, 1.) the person you are doing with needs to be mature enough to handle something like that and 2.) communication between you both needs to be good.

B.) If you were to meet someone at a party and you end up in bed with them, a relationship can still develop if it is meant to be. My best friend had that happen -- what was supposed to be just a one night thing developed into love, and then into marriage and they are happily with each other today.

[MC Hammered]

I quote from this girl I know:

"I prefer to have sex on the first date because if the guy is no good in bed then there is no reason I should have a second date with him."

But I think if the two people involved go do some deep core drilling then that is just sending out the wrong message.

[klockwize]

Originally posted by MC Hammered
I prefer to have sex on the first date because if the guy is no good in bed then there is no reason I should have a second date with him."

werd to that........goes both ways, its like, if you fuck on the first day, and you realize she doest go downsouth, then theres no point

[mugsy]

i think its all a matter of circumstance and communitcation.
relationships develope from everywhere\anywhere, and i think thast proven time and time again.
it really sucks that people base strong opinions on first meetings\circumstances... not alot of people show their true colors on a first meeting. sex should be ok at any point in the relationship, as long as there is understanding at what the sex means. but alas, what makes individuals beautiful is that they all have hteir own opinions and some boys would make assumptions that girls are easy\slutty\bad-for-them if they get down on the first day where as the girl couldbe just be thinkin dam this man is fly..... and se sex as nothing more then just sex and allow a relationship to develope if it chooses to.

to sum my lengthy opinion u: sex should be ok at anytime, as long as it coincides with communication\circumstance. however, within society (i dont know how else to put it) it is seen as a girl being a slut\easy if she gets down on the first date therefore making her a bad mate..... and its hard to push that away for some people.

[M.S.K.P.]

Where's all the romance?

I guess that's what happens when people get their morals from rappers.

[*Geminiz*]

Well from experience it can work out for sure. Depends on the situation though and the people who are involved. And if it's meant to be. I honestly believe me and my boyfriend of 2 1/2 years would be together nomatter how we ended up meeting.

[Veni*C]

tough question....
people that i havnt really gotten to know before i had sex with them never worked out....so mabie that is a sign.....

LOL @ winstons comment though.....hehe.

[candytabi]

I believe it all depends on the ppeople involved. Both should be ok with it and as mugsy said, the guy shouldn't think she's a slut just cause she got down with him frist thing. Sometimes the chemistry is just right, and if it's all hot and fun, then hell why not get down?? And if something more than a one nighter is meant to be, then so be it!

[LostBoyScout]

I prefer waiting, and having a girl that feels the same way.

I don't think there's anything wrong with doing it right away, but I have my reasons for waiting and they've worked out very well.

Number one is sex isn't completely safe, so really, if you're going to have sex with someone you should be willing to have a baby with them. While that's a bit extreme, I at least want to know the person I'm with well enough that it wouldn't end up being a distaster if something DID happen.

I think if quality of sex is #1 in the relationship for someone, then they have not found love yet. Love is having someone you always enjoy being around, and trust. While good sex is important, I think when a couple is in love, you take the time to learn what the partner likes and pleasing them is important - thus the sex becomes good.

Being able to find the right person unfortunately doesn't happen to everyone, so I wouldn't expect everyone to follow my ideas because of that. I was lucky enough to find that person.

[Aaron_J]

I agree, Just I still have to find mine. But I mean sex on the first day can be a good thing so its hard to say weather its good or bad.

[*spacecase*]

the longest relationship i've ever had started from sex on the night.

go figure

[rawb]

i think it's impossible and you are all wrong and incapable of maintaining meaningful relationships.

[Aki]

if you just want sex from that person, then it doesn't matter
but i personally think it's very hard for a relationship to work if you rush into it right away.
i've had my faults in this department, and learned that rushing into it just makes you wonder why you bothered in the first place. i prefer to care and have feelings for the person i'm having sex with. i also would hope the other person has these feelings for me too.

[Aaron_J]

yes i do sopose sex and getting laid are 2 totaly dif things forsure. One is better then the other if posible.

[Kelster]

yea sex and fucking are 2 different things

i don't think there's anything wrong with humping right away

it's a mutual agreement, and so is the relationship...you're both getting what you want, and if you can't get over humping on the first date then bets are you'll be stressing over alot more for the duration of the relationship

[_LuxFerre_]

Originally posted by M.S.K.P.
Where's all the romance?

I guess that's what happens when people get their morals from rappers.

Well this is how it works for me [and this is to partly agree to your post]:

Naturally I prefer a strong relationship and I have put out sex before because I realized the girl(s) was not ready [and - guess what - I was right :P]. If I may be so cheesy and to use the phrase "making love"... it will take all your senses on a wild journey if you get there.

But there's the ocassional party when you're single and you just wanna have fun. As long as everybody gets it, there should be no further issues. And - hey! - from that one party you may get a long-time fuck-friend... all the pleasures of the flesh to be satisfied. Or not, but then it should be "sex and bye".

How many people go through the first-night sex to make the other person takes'em more serious and maybe have a relationship? As for boredom, well... there should be a fine balance between brains and booty/brawn [or whatever... you get my point]. How long can one take the stupidity of another? [or, well... the large difference in interests and culture, to be a tad more politically correct]

P.S. I know it's a long ass post nobody will read. Oh well, getting in the mood for that writing contest that's due soon :P

[edit]mistype[/edit]

[yoko*]

I am relatively netural about sex on a first date, but I think that in making that decision, one has to be aware that there shouldn't be an expectation that a relationship WILL develop thereafter. It would be different if there was a mutual agreement beforehand about what the "Sex" meant to both parties, such as an agreement that they would be exclusive to one another etc. However, that's only an ideal sceneario and a lot of the times I would imagine that sex just happens at the heat of the moment without much thought or "discussion" about the meanings behind it...

When two people have merely agreed on having sex and not so much where they stand, the possibilities are open and it is made easy for one party (or both) to deny responsibility to one another. As mentioned, misunderstanding are likely to occur.

I don't know myself well enough to be able to say that the values I hold now will be the same as that I would hold in the future, but I personally am neutral about sex on the first date, and I realize that putitng myself in that position might make me vulnerable to getting hurt, especially if there were any feelings that had developed or were to develop afterwards. I know that by making that decision, I would have to take responsibility for my own actions, no matter how I felt/was made to feel afterwards, and I would hope that I'd make the best decision for myself in the long run. HOWEVER, despite being relatively flexible about the where and when's of sex, I would rather not have sex with an insensitive superficial retard.. As LuxFerre mentioned, (rephrased by me) "there's gotta be physical attraction AND intelligence."

Considering that I try to look out for my own well-being as much as possible, I would rather hump the guy who has qualities that makes him a good candidate for a relatively sane relationship.

Dumb people are such a turn-off.

[_LuxFerre_]

Well if I may be so bold to say, generally a 'dumb' person will cause a decrease in the actual pleasure you may obtain even from a one-night stand. there's a certain finesse which springs from an educated/intelligent [I acknowledge the differece of the two concepts] mind even in the manifestation of a one-time carnal pleasure trip. I do mean relatively dumb, since there's someone above and someone below each of us, intelligence-wise. Sometimes, however, the gap cannot be ignored readily and even no-strings-attached sex can be really unpleasant [not because of moral issues].

I do not want people to try and understand my point of view if they cannot connect it to an experience they may have had. I have felt the difference it makes to be together with people of both kinds [the 'below' and the 'equal'] and here's how my thoughts came to be.

It's also pride. There's more of a 'catch' to go at it with an intelligent human being than a unwholly developed one.

[jim]

Originally posted by rawb
i think it's impossible and you are all wrong and incapable of maintaining meaningful relationships.

you're just angry because I never called the next day.

[Tease]

My personal opinion is that it makes both of them look cheap. I think having sex with someone a few hours after meeting them is trashy, on both parts. The basis of the relationship will be sex. Not the fact that he/she likes your personality, or the fact that they're really funny..just..hey an easy fuck.
Not really something to start off a relationship.

That’s just my opinion. I've just observed with all my friends who have sex right away have never been in a long-term relationship...none of them. ever. I'm yet to be proven wrong.

Once again: its just my personal opinion

[say_whut]

Originally posted by Jingles:
okay - so listening to Andre 3000 last night he has a track where he wakes up with a gal he went home with..and he's thinking that she's more then just a piece of ass
and she's thinks 'he probably thinks i'm cheap'

I'd ask what you think about sex on a first date - but truthfully, most of us don't really go out on dates - now do we?

i've gotta agree with what mr. 3000 had to say a little later on in that same track, "i dont give a shit about giving it up on the first night, that just lets me know she knows whut she wants outta life"