*Sigh*

[RiCeY]

Where do I start? I've known this girl for 2-3yrs now...I consider her my BEST/Closests girl friend. We always hang out, tell each other everything, be ourselves around one another.

Thing's have gone pretty smooth in our frienship for the past few yrs till this yr more to be exact these few mnths espcially June/July has been a bit rocky. Were always arguing, etc.

Those who know me, know that I keep a lot of stuff bunddled up inside of me and keep thing's to myself to avoid conflict/arguments. But there is only so much a person can take right? BUT more IMPORTANTELY I want our friendship to be normal again...Not all this bickering/bitchin it has been lately...

Thing's that bother me right now about our friendship:

#1. I've ALWAYS been there for her...From the time she broke up with her bf, she was even SHOCKED that I came right away to support her and have a shoulder for her to cry on. Always talking about guy's with her and what not. But when it comes to me? She's not very supportive. It just really bug's me how I can't spill my problems to her and she not being just as supportive back? Especially when she know's she's my best/closests girl friend.

#2. It seems like she talks to other people differently? Well not seems I KNOW she does. Like why can't you talk to everyone else and be diff. to me? I talk to everyone else the same. Either it be msn/phone/person. What you see is what you get.

#3. Knowing her for so long I know she doesn't have that 1 BEST/Closests girl friend as she does with me being her guy friend. She's been hanging out with one of my other friends like were ALL friends and all so I'm HAPPY that she's developing that close girl friend friendship/relationship with this person but it seems like their ALWAYS together? I'm friends with the other girl as well, but it just seems like it's been AGES since we've done anything alone. I mean it'll be nice to chill/hang out alone sometimes with either guy/gurl friends you know to catch up on things and what not.

What should I do? I recently lossed one of my best guy friends this yr just cause we've grown apart and not as close anymore. We've just got back in touch recently and is rebuilding our friendship. It would TEAR me apart inside if I lossed my best/closests girl friend and the same thing happened where weren't close anymore :(

I've told her how I feel about the above mentioned thing's that bug me. Maybe we need some time apart from one another? See where our friendship goes cause obviously always arguing isn't helping thing's.

Well enough with the bickering *hehe*Has this happened to you guy's? I'm sure I'm NOT the only one experiencing this right now...What would you guy's do? Thanks for listening guy's! *Hugz*

[neoh]

I dont have much advice to give you then you already know.
It's best to just take time apart.

too much of anything can be bad.

[Dr. Doom]

Looks like you got tossed about like a bloody tampon, midget man.

[Silverwinged]

Aw Peter *heart*

You've talked to me about this kind of a thing before, and my opinion stands. Honesty is the best policy. If you feel these things, talk to the person. If they don't want to understand, or just don't see where you are coming from, maybe it IS time to take time away and give each other a little breathing space. My advice is not to stress over it to the point where you are starting to get like this. Theres a point from which that talking just does nothing, and where you just need to be assertive and take matters into your own hands. Time works most everything out, for the good or for the bad.

#1. My advice for this situation would you just holding back from giving her advice, letting her cry on your shoulder ect. It may seem cold and heartless, but it will offer her a wake up call when suddenly her security blanket is gone. Tell her she's taking you for granted as soon as she gets into one of her little "poor me" rants. Just stop telling her things about yourself. There are plenty of other people who would listen to whatever you have to say and would offer kick ass advice. And if they couldn't give you good advice, I'm sure they could buy you bubble tea and make you feel better that way (Like me!) In short, withdrawl from her shoulder to cry on should make her realize how you feel, or that something is wrong at the very least. If she doesn't, move on. You don't deserve to be treated like that.

#2. This is just another sign that she does take you for granted, and only feels like talking to you nicely when she needs something from you, or when she decides you are good enough to talk to. I think my advice from the last situation stands. Stop giving her the time of day. Stop putting in the effort to talk to her. I think people will disagree with me on this one, but treat her how she is treating to you. And if she dares to have the nerve to say thing, then you get to go agro on her. Don't allow anyone to walk over you.

#3. I don't really know what to say about this one. People are free to make their own friends as they please, but its definately not cool that shes using you as a second party to make friends and then proceeding to leave you out. The only thing I can say is make an effort to hang out with her a little more, but by the other two things you've mentioned that shes doing, I wouldn't really want to be around her anyways.

At this point, shes acting like a total write off, and you really don't need people like this in your life. It might just be a phase shes going through, but thats not an excuse either. If you ever need a shoulder to cry on, I'm here for ya babes. Hope my words have been of some help to you :027:

[neoh]

^^^ Too Much Writing
Get A Day Job.

[Silverwinged]

It just happens to be my day off....

[RiCeY]

Thanks for your thoughts/input Allison! *Hugglez*

[cutienikki]

well peter i dont know you as well as some of these other people do but my only advice would be to just take some time apart to think things through but dont expect everything to go all right once you guys think you have gotten enough time away from each other...take it slow at first. It is hard when you loose a best friend i mean i have gone through so many just cuz we are all moving on and in different directions. I hope everything works out for you and i know my advice isnt the best one. Maybe this is the time to see this person for who she really is...

[Jen-E-03]

First of all i think that if u are listening to her spill her problems then she should give u the decency of letting u spill urs. In what way duz she talk to u diffrent? like meanly? for #3 i think u are feeling like a third wheel...maybe even a little jealous , but its natural to feel that way! all the sudden it's nt just the 2 of u chillin its 3 of u and since its a girl sh's probably go mor in common with ur best girl friend. I think u should talk to ur best friend and let her kno how u are feeling, and maybe even let the other girl ko how u are feeling too! Maybe this is wut ur friend needs is a close relationship with a girl since u are her best friend and u are a guy, u can't relate to her on a couple things, am i rite?I'm sure things will turn out fine...u both shouldn't b fightening. if u are arguing lots maybe she just wants a little more space so leave her alone for a little while, wait for her to call u up n ask to chil. I hope everything turns out for the best ur a great friend Peter no one would wanna lose that. *hugz*

[TipSy]

well peter after reading this i am really sorry to hear that you have lost a good friend of yours i know wat thats like and its pretty tough stuff!

friends are the ones who are suppose to support u through most things you do..not all but hopefully most...friends should be there through thick and thin..and help out one another.. well in ur case it doesnt seem like she has been there for you.. there for is shes really ur friend? I know you might not want to think that..but is shes truely a good person to you... ?

Peter from the time i'v known you (which is that long but still ) You are a very sweet and caring person.. and this girl should be lucky to have u as a friend!

I dont really have that much advice to give..except follow wat you believe in thats all you can do.. and the rest goes from there...

Sorry i wasnt much of help..
Jus remember im hear hehe *hugz*

[RiCeY]

Originally Posted by TipSy

well peter after reading this i am really sorry to hear that you have lost a good friend of yours i know wat thats like and its pretty tough stuff!

friends are the ones who are suppose to support u through most things you do..not all but hopefully most...friends should be there through thick and thin..and help out one another.. well in ur case it doesnt seem like she has been there for you.. there for is shes really ur friend? I know you might not want to think that..but is shes truely a good person to you... ?

Peter from the time i'v known you (which is that long but still ) You are a very sweet and caring person.. and this girl should be lucky to have u as a friend!

I dont really have that much advice to give..except follow wat you believe in thats all you can do.. and the rest goes from there...

Sorry i wasnt much of help..
Jus remember im hear hehe *hugz*

I hope I haven't lost her...Me and her need to talk SOON and I do have you tell her how she treats me isn't making feel all that great. Maybe we do need some space/time apart? Cause I'm the one who isn't happy with how I am being treated. All friendships/relationships has it's bumps and rocky roads and this is our first bump/rocky road in our frienship...

Thanks for the compliments Ang. What you see is what you get...Friends/Family mean the world to me.

We've kinda lossed touch a bit since IMF but it's due to me being a hermit. We must hang out SOON! :kimmie:

[wishbone]

Make her sit down with ya man and sort shit out....dedicate time to talk about your friendship. If she isn't even willing to do that...well...there's not much you can do at that point except maybe adjusting your attitude towards the friendship between you too as well :-\

Best of luck, Peter. Although this is a real sticky situation :S

[iluvtechno]

Originally Posted by Dr. Doom

Looks like you got tossed about like a bloody tampon, midget man.

Leave the guy alone cool guy. No need to be making fun.

[sweet~kandy]

Its interesting how people take sides before knowing both sides.

[teamR3]

not much to say...just something i believe myself.


you dont choose your friends, they choose you.

[ebbomega]

[The following has been edited to help my brain cope]

Originally Posted by RiCeY

Where do I start? I've known this girl for 2-3yrs now...I consider her my BEST/Closests girl friend. We always hang out, tell each other everything, be ourselves around one another.

Thing's have gone pretty smooth in our frienship for the past few years till this year, to be exact these past few months espcially June/July has been a bit rocky. Were always arguing, etc.

Those who know me, know that I keep a lot of stuff bunddled up inside of me and keep thing's to myself to avoid conflict/arguments. But there is only so much a person can take, right? BUT more IMPORTANTLY I want our friendship to be normal again...Not all this bickering/bitchin it has been lately...

Your friendship is normal. This is what happens with friendships. People have discussion, people have falling outs, bitches, bickerings. Usually, the best thing to do in this type of situation has mostly already been said: Take time off. If being around a person is irritating you, stop being around them. It's that simple. It doesn't mean stop being their friend or stuff like that. It just means don't put yourself into situations where this person is going to irritate you, because all you accomplish by doing that is feel bad about yourself and this person.

Thing's that bother me right now about our friendship:

#1. I've ALWAYS been there for her...From the time she broke up with her bf, she was even SHOCKED that I came right away to support her and have a shoulder for her to cry on. Always talking about guy's with her and what not. But when it comes to me? She's not very supportive. It just really bug's me how I can't spill my problems to her and she not being just as supportive back? Especially when she know's she's my best/closests girl friend.

Some friends are good listeners. Some are good patients. If she's not going to be supportive of you, you need to find other friends who will. This doesn't mean Go out and get new friends, but rather I assume that you have more than one friend. If you need support, get it from someone else if one person keeps running up dry.

#2. It seems like she talks to other people differently? Well not seems I KNOW she does. Like why can't you talk to everyone else and be diff. to me? I talk to everyone else the same. Either it be msn/phone/person. What you see is what you get.

You don't, that's a lot of horseshit. Every single person reacts to different people in different ways. That's how we form relationships with people, by forming common bonds in the ways you communicate with each other. How you may talk with one person, and how you may talk with another person, will be COMPLETELY different from how you talk when you're all together in a group. Relationships are just that: Different perspectives of different people. Because people think of you differently than you think of yourself, and differently from each other, they're going to treat you differently, and likewise you are going to treat _them_ differently. You're not sacrificing who you are simple because you interact with different people in different ways.

#3. Knowing her for so long I know she doesn't have that 1 BEST/Closests girl friend as she does with me being her guy friend. She's been hanging out with one of my other friends like were ALL friends and all so I'm HAPPY that she's developing that close girl friend friendship/relationship with this person but it seems like their ALWAYS together? I'm friends with the other girl as well, but it just seems like it's been AGES since we've done anything alone. I mean it'll be nice to chill/hang out alone sometimes with either guy/gurl friends you know to catch up on things and what not.

I DON'T BELIEVE IN BEST FRIENDS ANYMORE!

Sorry. This is the island hippie in me coming out. I hate ranking friends. It just bugs me.

This gripe has zero substance. If you want to do something alone with her, plan something the two of you can do and kidnap her for it. If you're BEST friends it shouldn't be a problem.

But seriously. Lose the BEST friend moniker. Life is a bit more glorious when you stop worrying about who your real friends are and just enjoy time with your friends.

What should I do? I recently lossed one of my best guy friends this yr just cause we've grown apart and not as close anymore. We've just got back in touch recently and is rebuilding our friendship. It would TEAR me apart inside if I lossed my best/closests girl friend and the same thing happened where weren't close anymore :(

It happens. People get new friends, new scenes, new people that interest them. One of the things about being young is that a lot of people out there are always looking for new and interesting people, so I say use this opportunity where you're not seeing so much of your closer friends to go and find some new ones (NOW is the time I say this...).

I've told her how I feel about the above mentioned thing's that bug me. Maybe we need some time apart from one another? See where our friendship goes cause obviously always arguing isn't helping thing's.

Well enough with the bickering *hehe*Has this happened to you guy's? I'm sure I'm NOT the only one experiencing this right now...What would you guy's do? Thanks for listening guy's! *Hugz*

Way back before I moved to Van (Summer 99) I had close connections with two guys my age with a lot of crazy art and spirituality between us. After I left Duncan, These two friends had a bit of a falling out. I still kept in touch with both of them so I got to hear all about it from both sides. They would both come out and visit me, but one of them would just constantly gripe whenever he came out, bringing a big bummer to pretty much everybody around him. After a while I got pretty fed up and just stopped talking to him, much in the same way the other friend did. Except we didn't have a falling out, we just drifted.

We shared some good times and felt love for each other and really learned a lot from each other. Last I heard he's going into Pre-med, which is awesome. But I still haven't talked to him in over a year. He's got his own stuff going on with different people, and I really don't find myself able to integrate into his world anymore... we've just drifted and become different people from who we were.

This isn't a sad thing in the least to me. We're both doing things that interest us and enjoying life, so I don't see why this is at all problematic. Yes, we were BESTEST FRIENDS but now those times are over, we've moved on, grown and become better people for what we've done with each other.

Just because you don't see the same people all the time doesn't mean your social life is going to shit.