silly little things that make you cry

krisamata · #1 (**permalink**) Aug 26, 04

so my grandparents are both in a home and havent lived in their house in quite awhile

my grandma has alzheimers....she hasnt known who i've been in so long

my grandpa has dementia but still knows me

anyways..ive accepted both those facts...and the fact that they will leave me one day...

but we sold their house that they had lived in for more than 50 years
and we've been moving all the stuff out

so my mom came home with the rest of tonite

and sitting on the counter was my grandmas button collection

now this is something that i loved when i was a little girl....sorting through all of them...hvaing my grandma telling me stories about where she got different ones from....

and there in a jar were her buttons...and i just cried

even though i;ve accepted the fact that they will both be gone....

i just i dunno...its just another big dose of reality that they wont get better..that they wont ever live in that house agian,....that i will never be in that house again..

i miss them so much....

and they're still alive...

sidekick · #2 (**permalink**) Aug 26, 04

Quote:

Originally Posted by krisamata

i miss them so much....

and they're still alive...

god, do i know this feeling.

krisamata · #3 (**permalink**) Aug 26, 04

isnt it one of the worst feelings ever?!?!

i feel like i've been grieving for my grandma for years....

sidekick · #4 (**permalink**) Aug 26, 04

yeah, knowing someone with a disease that is slowly slowly eating the life out of them is really difficult because every time you look at them all you can see is the disease.

it's really hard to block that thought of your mind. :(

krisamata · #5 (**permalink**) Aug 26, 04

yes it is

especially when the eyes that used to have so much love coming from them towards you...are nothing but a blank stare

spunsugar · #6 (**permalink**) Aug 26, 04

that really sucks. I went through the same thing with my grandpa. your grandma may not know who you are but you're still locked into her heart. she just can't access it anymore. be happy for a full life lived. :)

Bitchin · #7 (**permalink**) Aug 28, 04

I knew that feeling its hard.. but its life.

I'm sure you'll be fine!

krisamata · #8 (**permalink**) Aug 28, 04

im fine...not yesterday though...i was crying most of the day...

we had to move everything outta the house and i was there for the last time ever

that and some other fucking shit went down and oh man...so not good

robyn · #9 (**permalink**) Aug 28, 04

I have a cried over button collection, too.

Custard · #10 (**permalink**) Aug 28, 04

and whats worse is when the symptoms get worse, makes it even harder to see teh person.

mugsy · #11 (**permalink**) Aug 28, 04

i only new my great-grandma when i was 6, then she began to get alzheimers. so i was too young to really grasp the effects of the desease or understand, and also too young to grieve it. i just kinda grew up with it.
she used to make stories up about who i was, which was sad and something to listen to at all times. she never told me stories, just made some up. she used to say that she was a millionare, and that her kids took all the money and lost it, and how she has to live in a home.... it was so bad that we couldnt tell her when my grandma and her sister passed on. she wouldnt remember the next day anyways, so we didnt want to have to retell her\regive her the greif each day.
it got to a point where she believed she was in a different time, when she was younger. she would always talk to her mother, and one day she called out for my mom, and even said her name which she hadnt done in about a year or more. and then she told my mom that she was tired and that her mother was calling her to come home. so my mom said go home, go to sleep and we'll be alright. and my great grandma did, and never woke up. its was peaceful, and put us to rest.
i lost my grandparents at a very young age to cancer, both filled me with wonderful stories, enough to feel that i am related to them and have resemblances. but my great grandma was my only "old" family memeber, and i lost her at 6 technically, but she lived on until i was 15. all i had was her empty shell. looking back on it now, when i can understand and comprehend the extent of the desease and its effects, i cant imagine how i would feel if i were experiencing it now.

what am i saying through all of this? basically, i have been near\experienced the same desease, and yet i cant say i can even begin to understand your feelings. i know these words have no real comfort, but truely, my heart goes out to your family. its a situation that no one deserves to have. do take care, and sometimes it is a good thing to look at the times of the past, and remember the happiness and to apply that to today.

djmarkpaul · #12 (**permalink**) Aug 29, 04

I fall for girls to quickly and end up crying like a bitch. It's silly, maybe I should just be an asshole...maybe it's too late for that!

bl0nde · #13 (**permalink**) Aug 29, 04

Quote:

Originally Posted by krisamata

so my grandparents are both in a home and havent lived in their house in quite awhile

my grandma has alzheimers....she hasnt known who i've been in so long

my grandpa has dementia but still knows me

anyways..ive accepted both those facts...and the fact that they will leave me one day...

but we sold their house that they had lived in for more than 50 years
and we've been moving all the stuff out

so my mom came home with the rest of tonite

and sitting on the counter was my grandmas button collection

now this is something that i loved when i was a little girl....sorting through all of them...hvaing my grandma telling me stories about where she got different ones from....

and there in a jar were her buttons...and i just cried

even though i;ve accepted the fact that they will both be gone....

i just i dunno...its just another big dose of reality that they wont get better..that they wont ever live in that house agian,....that i will never be in that house again..

i miss them so much....

and they're still alive...

Hey just be greatful that you can see them in person and hug them and stuff cuz my gradnma and grandpa have been gone 9 years now... i miss them soo much and i wish i could just hug them again.

Anjew · #14 (**permalink**) Aug 30, 04

.... my grandpa used to protect me when I was a kid...
whenever my father would want to beat me my grandpa would tell my dad to fuck off...
...
he died when i was 4
I never got to thank him... I never got to acknowledge him... only through the tears i periodically shed....
I'm going to edmonton just to visit him on wednesday...