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Nov 09, 04
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family drug problems
well not many people know this, but i think its about time to get it all out into the open... if i could go farther and tell the rest of my family i would, but i dont think its time for that yet
okay well my mom and my step dad have been together for almost 9 years, and about a year ago i found out my step dads been doing coke and crack... he's been doing it for 8 years. when he does it, he leaves the house either on friday or saturday and doesnt come back the entire night, of coarse when i was younger my mom just told me he was going to the bar and just sleeping in his car all night long, when really he was in a crack house all night.... anyways, it wasnt so bad the first couple years cuz he'd only go about once every 3 months, but now he seems to go every weekend, and instead of being gone one night he leaves for 3 nights and doesnt bother going to work the next day either...... this is REALLY stressing me out....... before we never used to talk about this, but now i've given him many lecsures, but nothing seems to get through to him, i really just want to pack up his shit, but every weekend he spends about $800 of OUR money.... so now we're pretty much poor, and in dept, and we JUST bought a bussiness too....... if this keeps going on we're going to lose our house.... i really dont know what to do about this, i've told my mom countless times to leave him, but she never will, shes scared........................... any advice???? i tried everything i could... and it doesnt seem to work, so i'm asking for some friendly help here 
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Nov 09, 04
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I feel for your situation but asking a bunch of kids/young adults here probably won't get you much farther than you already are.
If you want to take the next step and find assistance for your problem try checking out this site: http://kidshelp.sympatico.ca/en/home.asp If they can't help you out I am sure they can point you to someone that can. Good luck.
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Nov 09, 04
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i'll check it out for sure thanks :) well my step dad went to see a doctor for the first time today, so i guess thats the first step, i just hope he sticks with it.... if not then i'm going to throw all of his shit out the window hehe
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Nov 09, 04
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If he is addicted to crack it is not a joke and I personally wouldn't trust anyone who is addicted.
A good friend of mine got addicted to it and it took a lot to finally get him to detox. He convinced his father to take a second mortgage on his house to help him pay for his "tuition" at SFU even thought he got his Masters degree already. He tore apart walls to find the hidden cameras the police had on him. The paranoia was off the scale. I don't know if he is recovered or not as I have lost contact with him since those days but the last time I saw him about 2 years ago when he started treatment he was a changed person.
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Nov 09, 04
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oh i totally know what you mean, my best friend is an ex coke head, my ex bf and still one fo my best friends is an ex crack head, and my bf now is an ex crack head and so is his mom.... and shes freaky when she does it....... but yah my step dad has a huge temper and when one little thing bothers him, he BLOWS UP!!!!!!
but again... i wouldnt really call them ex heads... cuz if the drug was put in front of them, theres NO WAY they could turn it down, no matter how hard they try, my bf when there's a rock in front of him, he shakes, and you can see the adreneline in his face
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Nov 09, 04
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Once you've been addicted to coke or crack, you can never be around it again. You have to seperate yourself from the people who do it, start a new life and move on. I get anxiety just thinking about someone doing coke. I hope that everything works out for you in the long run, be strong and dont be afraid to go to the extreme to get him help.
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Nov 09, 04
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i know what you're feeling and no matter how much your mom doesn't want to leave him something needs to be done before it destroys everyones life. my mom did pretty much the same thing and lost our house and ran off last year and now we're kicking ourselves for being laid back about the situation
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Nov 10, 04
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^^ now thats reassuring... thanks budddd
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Nov 10, 04
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Your mom needs to leave him. Straight up.
My dad was a coke addict when I was young, my mom made him leave when I was 5. He was clean for 6 years, ran into a old buddy, and started up again. He committed suicide when I was 15 because he didn't believe that he could stop, and didn't want to keep hurting those who loved him. The moral of my story? You can't MAKE him quit - that is a choice he has to make on his own. If I could have MADE my dad stop, so he'd see me get married, so he'd see his grandkids, so he'd just BE HERE I would have. But I couldn't, and neither could my mom, my grandparents, or ANYONE for that matter. You, your mom, and the rest of your family needs to do what is best for YOU GUYS. And that, my dear, is to LEAVE. The only thing you can do other than that, is call the police, have him arrested, and thrown in to rehab. He might hate you for the time being, but you'll be doing him a big favor. I wish that I had known that my dad was doing coke before he passed away. If I had ever known, I would have done everything in my power to save him =( Take it from someone whose life has been torn apart thanks to drugs. Explore your options, do what you can, and when all else fails, remember that the only life you truly have control of is your own. All you can do is learn from other peoples mistakes, and make sure that you don't make those mistakes. Good luck, hun <3
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Nov 13, 04
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well yah, i've been telling my mom to leave him for soo long, and she's afraid to... if she leaves him, we'll get stuck with nothing.... i keep telling my mom, i know its going to be hard at the beginning, but its totally going to be worth it... life would be sooo much better if he was just out of it... he says he's going to quit... but i seriously dont believe him... he had one last chance, and if he disapears again... i'm throwing all of his shit out the window.. and i hope its raining
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Nov 13, 04
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My uncle has a similar problem... and ended up taking my 3 cousins to alaska (they used to live in eastern washington) with his also crackhead wife, who is insane... and keeps getting him into it.
i love him so much and its so hard to see him keep getting pulled back into it just when he's starting to do well again by that stupid bitch... my family has a few problems like this, and it makes it really hard on everyone... we have basically disowned my aunt due to her heroin addiction, and i have never even met her... its strange, but she's in jail now so at least she's sorta clean... there's nothing you can do to make them stop except to keep telling them how much it is hurting them and you. and how you wish they would stop so that you can begin to have a real relationship again... coke and crack mostly eats away at your soul and eventually you just arent the same person at all... once they stop they'll slowly start to come back, but as negative as this may sound, they will never quite be the same... there have been alot of people, not just in my family, but throughout my life that i wish would not have gone down this path... its like they have no sense of moderation... and i really miss them... i have had to cut ties with many of my friends because they wouldn't or couldn't stop... and its really hard. i cant say much in terms of advice, but i feel you on this... and im sorry that you have to go through it as well... its one of the worst things to happen, when you want to help someone so bad, but they just arent ready to help themselves.... *hugs*
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Nov 13, 04
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i totally know what you mean.. i have drug addict friends who are totally different people because of crack and coke, they lie so much they believe their own lies, and they'll do almost anything for their drug...
but you see the difference is... no on in my family knows about my step dads drug problem except me and my mom.... we've been hiding it for a looooong time, i think if we told my millionaire grandma, she would be able to help us out... but my mom doesnt see that... she just wants him to stop, but i dont think its ever going to happen, he'll prolly stop for a couple weeks, then get right back into it again..... my mom took away all of his credit cards, and he can only take $60 out of his bank account each day..... cant really buy much with that hahaha
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Nov 13, 04
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well at least thats a start... and you kno, u dont have to tell your mom to do something about it... if u really think telling your grandma would help, maybe she can get him into an inpatient rehab program.. my girl T just got outta one, and she's totally str8 to the core now, and doing so much better, i feel like its my friend back again, she's not crazy anymore... its so great... but it doesnt work for everyone... just a thought tho...
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Nov 13, 04
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That won't do anything. He's been doing this long enough that his dealers know him, and they will front him. My dad was fronted so much that by the time he passed away he was nearly $200,000 in debt. Honestly, tell your family. You will never get help and support if people don't know that you need it. It's crazy for you to try to deal with this on your own, and since your mom is being an idiot about the situation (sorry, it's true) you need to find someone to help you whose vision of the situation isn't clouded by love. Also, sounds to me like your mom definitely has some codependency issues. I would urge your step-dad to get into some Narcotics Anonymous (NA) meetings, and your mom should go to Codependents Anonymous (CODA).
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Nov 13, 04
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