Breaking up...

[Bevvy Swift]

i feel your pain.

[stabmyhead]

Originally Posted by lildonkey

I personally find that girls have an easier time moving on from relationships then guys do. I find we get a bit more dependent on the girl then the girl does with us, and when the breakup happens girls can go clubbing and immediately have 10 guys hit on them... doesn't mean they will be a slut and hook up with them, but right after a breakup i'm sure it's a help to their confidence etc... guys don't have that luxury after breakups...

unless you're brad pitt.... then you could walk by a church and have the nuns run out and flash you

I would have to agree that there is more pressure for men to be strong after a break up and to be apathetic about the situation. Most the times, male friends turn to me because they feel they may not be able to turn to their male friends for advice and compassion.

The best way to bring up your mood, IMO, is rocking out in your room or with a few key friends, like really rocking out - blast your music, and sing really hard, air guitar, pretending like you're a rock star - just put all your energy into it. Works great!

[MissBehavior]

Originally Posted by lildonkey

Was this yours and his first long term relationship?

If so you will end up getting back together.. theres an 80% chance of that happening i think..

and after 4.5 years... trust me when i say it's not COMPLETELY over.. i don't think it ever will be

We've been through this before...We broke up for a year, but during that year we still hung out/acted like a couple. This time we had a good long talk, and after talking about how we both viewed the relationship. I know it's totally over.

I told him that this time I have to make a clean break of it, even if it's going to hurt more that way.

I love him so much that I know it's the only way I'll ever get over him.

[lildonkey]

Originally Posted by MissBehavior

I love him so much that I know it's the only way I'll ever get over him.

me and my gf loved eachother to death even though our relationship had turned into shit...

but we loved eachother enough and forced it to work, and now things are great..

you think it's completely pointless to try and fix it? or is there a chance it can be good again?

[galaxie]

Honestly, I don't think relationships should be THAT much work.

Once upon a time I was in a relationship that we forced to work. And it didn't - we just convinced ourselves that we were happy because we wanted it to work SO BADLY. We bascially just pretended to be happy and tried to ignore all the things that were wrong with our relationship because we were both afraid of being alone. And because we had put so much time, so many years and so much effort into making things work. It stopped being about love and trust and starting being about "not failing". We really did care about each other, we just weren't in love anymore. It took a long time for us to realize that was the problem.

And then I met my current boyfriend. We've been together for a year, we don't fight, and the only effort we put into our relationship is seeing each other because we're long-distance. Other than that, everything is smooth sailing. We understand and totally respect each others' boundaries, when there is an issue we immediately talk it out, we are best friends and above and beyond anything else, we communicate. We're on the same page about our life goals, our interests, and where we are going with our relationship. It's special, it really is, and I'm happier than I have ever been in my whole life.

I know how miserable I was when I was trying to force things to work. I don't want anyone to feel that way. I want everyone to feel as happy as I am to be in love, which is why I realllllly don't think that love should be a whole lot of work. It takes some effort, but it shouldn't feel like the amount of effort outweighs the amount of love.

[MissBehavior]

Originally Posted by F*r*a*

Aw jeez hun..... *hugs*...Im sorry to hear :(

Thanks lady.

[MissBehavior]

Originally Posted by lildonkey

me and my gf loved eachother to death even though our relationship had turned into shit...

but we loved eachother enough and forced it to work, and now things are great..

you think it's completely pointless to try and fix it? or is there a chance it can be good again?

Trust me...We've put so much effort into making things work, and I just think that this time it's time to move on.

Sometimes love isn't enough, and it's the hardest thing you'll ever do to realize that and still be able to walk away.

[Bevvy Swift]

old school hip hop.

[Veni*C]

time heals... just stay postive that everything will turn out fine.. and remeber that everything happens for a reason... good or bad.. u learn and take something from every experience....
*internet hugs*

[t-skywalker]

it seems to be the trend right now. i know so many ppl going thru this :( sux

[Bevvy Swift]

^really?

[lildonkey]

Originally Posted by galaxie

Honestly, I don't think relationships should be THAT much work.

Once upon a time I was in a relationship that we forced to work. And it didn't - we just convinced ourselves that we were happy because we wanted it to work SO BADLY. We bascially just pretended to be happy and tried to ignore all the things that were wrong with our relationship because we were both afraid of being alone. And because we had put so much time, so many years and so much effort into making things work. It stopped being about love and trust and starting being about "not failing". We really did care about each other, we just weren't in love anymore. It took a long time for us to realize that was the problem.

And then I met my current boyfriend. We've been together for a year, we don't fight, and the only effort we put into our relationship is seeing each other because we're long-distance. Other than that, everything is smooth sailing. We understand and totally respect each others' boundaries, when there is an issue we immediately talk it out, we are best friends and above and beyond anything else, we communicate. We're on the same page about our life goals, our interests, and where we are going with our relationship. It's special, it really is, and I'm happier than I have ever been in my whole life.

I know how miserable I was when I was trying to force things to work. I don't want anyone to feel that way. I want everyone to feel as happy as I am to be in love, which is why I realllllly don't think that love should be a whole lot of work. It takes some effort, but it shouldn't feel like the amount of effort outweighs the amount of love.

Don't take this in the wrong way, cause i don't want it to come off like an ass.. but i don't think the first year or so is a good way to guage what the rest of the relationship is going to be like when it hits 3+ years... cause the first year is really intense and passion filled and emotions go crazy.. but it's a lot different 3+ years into it... and you realllyyyyyy start to get to know them after the first year+

also... you most likely never fight because you are a long distance relationship and still a fresh relationship...

don't mean to come off like a prick... just my opinion

[galaxie]

^ You're entitled to whatever opinion you want, but you're wrong.
We don't fight because we don't like to fight. We are amazing communicators so when there is an issue we talk it out. Believe it or not, I find that the little things are WAY harder in a long-distance relationship because you're not face-to-face so you can't REALLY tell if the other person was joking, etc.. For me, the first year of the relationship has ALWAYS been very telling as to how the rest of the relationship will go. I don't think the first year is what you said - maybe the first three months "honeymoon stage" but above and beyond that is when peoples' true colours really start to show. I've been in enough serious, long-term relationships to have experienced it myself. I don't think it's healthy to have to FORCE a relationship to work. There comes a time when you just have to walk away, and accept the fact that you were not with "the one". I think it's foolish to force something like that because chances are there is someone out there who will make you truly happy, but you'll be stuck with someone you convince yourself you're happy with.

[robyn]

couples who never fight are weirder than couples who fight all the time. twilight zone!

[lildonkey]

Originally Posted by robyn

couples who never fight are weirder than couples who fight all the time. twilight zone!

Fighting in a relationship every once in a while is healthy i think..

[LLaaUUrrYYn]

Breaking up SUCKS. Plain and simple.

I hope you take this time to enjoy all of your 'you' time..because believe it or not, we tend to forget who "WE" really are when we are in a relationship so long. Sometimes breaking up is the best thing for you..you can start all over and have all of the excitement of being single and living the free life!

Good luck and CHIN UP!!

[galaxie]

Originally Posted by lildonkey

Fighting in a relationship every once in a while is healthy i think..

No, it's not. Fighting is totally unhealthy.
Disagreements that you work out in a productive, positive manner are healthy. Yelling, bickering back and forth, one or both parties in tears, name calling, slamming doors/cupboards etc. are examples of totally unhealthy behavior.

[cubed]

Originally Posted by galaxie

Yelling, bickering back and forth, one or both parties in tears, name calling, slamming doors/cupboards etc. are examples of totally unhealthy behavior.

WOULD YOU GIVE IT UP!!!

I TOLD YOU I WAS SORRY YEARS AGO!!!!!!!!

[galaxie]

^ I'm sorry, Jim. It's still hard for me to get over the horrible beatings and how you used to call me "bitch". :(

[cubed]

^YOU TOOK THE FUCKING DOG, WHAT DID YOU WANT ME TO DO???

[Guineveire]

This kind of experiance is neccissery for your learning.

[Sykonee]

If the Lisa is in need of happy music, I think I still have those euro-dance discs lying around somewhere.:P

[MissBehavior]

Originally Posted by Sykonee

If the Lisa is in need of happy music, I think I still have those euro-dance discs lying around somewhere.:P

AWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!

Rockin'. I may have to take you up on that. :)

[lildonkey]

Originally Posted by galaxie

No, it's not. Fighting is totally unhealthy.
Disagreements that you work out in a productive, positive manner are healthy. Yelling, bickering back and forth, one or both parties in tears, name calling, slamming doors/cupboards etc. are examples of totally unhealthy behavior.

I think you took my comment about your relationship a little too personal. I was just stating my opinion on what your wrote.

"Disagreements that you work out in a productive, positive manner..." is what i meant by fighting.

obviously if there is a fight and you don't solve it in a productive manner then the relationship would end.. why would you assume i meant hardcore screaming matches?

[galaxie]

^ Generally when people "fight" they are angry and there is yelling, bickering, arguing etc..
I wouldn't call working out a disagreement in a positive manner "fighting".

fight /faɪt/ Pronunciation Key - Show Spelled Pronunciation[fahyt] –noun
3. an angry argument or disagreement: Whenever we discuss politics, we end up in a fight.