Picking fights...

[Prissypants]

My brother and I were talking about this the other day. Both him and I are pretty easygoing when it comes to relationships but one thing that makes us lose a bunch of respect for our partners is when they pick fights for no reason. Seriously, I don't want to fight with you ever, why go out of your way to start one? I find it really immature and it makes me not want to be with the person.

What are your thoughts? Have any of you had this happen to you? I may go into my story in a few posts but I wanna hear some other examples first...

[miss.myra]

I don't think that any partner in a relationship can really pick a fight for 'no reason'...usually, what can happen is one party can be really annoyed with the other party for some reason (most likely unimportant) and choose to not really bring it up as an issue, instead they'd choose to let their frustrations out on a completely different situation, which is really not cool. No couple ever enjoys fighting (unless one or both parties are completely fucking crazy)...

When in that situation, it's sometimes best to sit them down and ask them what's really bothering them...

[axion]

quite honestly i dont see whats wrong with having an argument with your significant other once and a while. like miss.myra said, sometimes things build up and a small argument can be a fairly productive way to get some stuff off your chest. in all reality, theres always going to be a negative side you will see in the person you are with... sometimes it's good to see that side come out because you can't fully appriciate your partner's positive qualities without experiencing their bad ones as well.

[jawa]

im around the person im with alot, and after a busy day, or im frustrated i can be snappy. But he does the same with me. we bicker back and forth. I vent to him because i can but i dont really think its that unhealthy. When your with a person all the time your bound to disagree and sometimes starting a bickering match is the best way to deal with it. Then its over with.

i hope that makes some sort of sense.

[charly]

arguements and bickering are normal enough in relationships, but some girls are just drama queens. they like drama, and if it doesn't arise enough on it's own, they'll find ways around that.. like starting fights for no reason. i've known some girls like this and i really don't understand it.

[Prissypants]

Originally Posted by charly

arguements and bickering are normal enough in relationships, but some girls are just drama queens. they like drama, and if it doesn't arise enough on it's own, they'll find ways around that.. like starting fights for no reason. i've known some girls like this and i really don't understand it.

/\ Ya, don't get me wrong. We barely bicker at all. I am an exceptionally honest person and if someone asks me something I will be honest with them. I am also very VERY rational and don't really get upset about trivial matters. I also know when I have it coming for something that I did or some flaw I have. I am not talking about the occasional disagreement here (those are to be expected). I am talking about someone (this could extend to friends and family too) who just picks a fight out of the blue, for no reason, it has nothing to do with anything...hmmm...I will give the story...

Partner knows that I don't particularly like members of her family: I personally find them pigheaded, rude and generally irritating. I have told her this and instead of making a potentially uncomfortable situation when her family is here I just avoid them. ie: I don't go out to dinner with them or go out of my way to do stuff with them. That is not to say I am not polite and friendly when I am around them, I just find their company mentally taxing.

ANYWAYS...My bro invited my partner to come to his birthday dinner with myself and my moms who just came to visit. My partner also likes my brother and my mom so it was a friendly invitation. I asked her casually if she wanted to go. She said she had plans that night. I said that's cool, some other time then. (I was not disappointed that she couldn't come nor did I expect her to if she wanted to...I am a firm believer that if someone doesn't want to do something with me then that is totally cool, I leave it at that and I don't hold it against them. I realize that sometimes people just don't want to do stuff.) So I give her a kiss and go back to typing...all of a sudden I hear her say to me in a really bitchy tone (which is very uncharacteristic of her) "Besides, you never want to do anything with my family."

I was very unimpressed and all I said to her was: "That was a really infantile thing to say. Why are you trying to pick a fight? "

/\
That's what I mean by picking fights. I have been in enough relationships to know that if it is good you can talk things through sensibly without making jabs and without getting upset. Fighting is a relationship killer and is very unnecessary.

Like D'Angelo said: "Baby, if we disagree let's forget about it."

P.S: Sorry about the length...

[~god~]

Originally Posted by Prissypants

ANYWAYS...My bro invited my partner to come to his birthday dinner with myself and my moms who just came to visit. My partner also likes my brother and my mom so it was a friendly invitation. I asked her casually if she wanted to go. She said she had plans that night. I said that's cool, some other time then. (I was not disappointed that she couldn't come nor did I expect her to if she wanted to...I am a firm believer that if someone doesn't want to do something with me then that is totally cool, I leave it at that and I don't hold it against them. I realize that sometimes people just don't want to do stuff.) So I give her a kiss and go back to typing...all of a sudden I hear her say to me in a really bitchy tone (which is very uncharacteristic of her) "Besides, you never want to do anything with my family."

ohhh ohh man I hear ya. the trauma.
they just want attention.

[jawa]

Originally Posted by Prissypants

"Besides, you never want to do anything with my family."

I was very unimpressed and all I said to her was: "That was a really infantile thing to say. Why are you trying to pick a fight? "


That's what I mean by picking fights. I have been in enough relationships to know that if it is good you can talk things through sensibly without making jabs and without getting upset. Fighting is a relationship killer and is very unnecessary.

so i agree that what she did was immature, maybe she hasnt been in a relationship before, or just cannot communicate her feelings in an adult like way. However, i think she is hurt by the fact you dislike her family and resents you for it. Even if she is saying something different. Her way of bringing it up with you is to cause unnessesary drama.
*shrugs* that would be my guess.

[cinist]

if you pick a fight with someone it means you love them, otherwise they wouldnt be worth the arguement would they

not that i think it's right too do that but ya

besides maybe you just have nothing better too say to them but you're bored and the attentiion is fun

i do that with many people, but never people i dont care about a lot

[cerah]

Originally Posted by miss.myra

No couple ever enjoys fighting (unless one or both parties are completely fucking crazy)...

:(

Me n Ryan bicker all the time it's our "way"... then we beat on each other... call one another names like "fucker" and "cunt" and then start laughing and make up again.

Are we insane Dr. Myra?

[hardstylin]

fighting with chicks is lose lose!

[Jingles]

Originally Posted by Prissypants

/\

Partner knows that I don't particularly like members of her family: I personally find them pigheaded, rude and generally irritating. I have told her this and instead of making a potentially uncomfortable situation when her family is here I just avoid them.

...all of a sudden I hear her say to me in a really bitchy tone (which is very uncharacteristic of her) "Besides, you never want to do anything with my family."

I was very unimpressed and all I said to her was: "That was a really infantile thing to say. Why are you trying to pick a fight? "
...

One : I love my family - they are my family and I would be HURT if my partner couldn't get over his own feelings about them and spend time with them FOR MY SAKE
You think her snap at you was infantile? I think your choice to avoid her family could be viewed that way as well

Obviously she is hurt by your negative feelings towards her kin
and this is the way she has choosen to express that - her feelings are hurt and when we hurt we don't always express ourselves in the best fashion

[miss.myra]

Originally Posted by cerah

:(

Me n Ryan bicker all the time it's our "way"... then we beat on each other... call one another names like "fucker" and "cunt" and then start laughing and make up again.

Are we insane Dr. Myra?

Of course not, it's not that you two enjoy fighting..

you two enjoy "making up" ;)

[cerah]

Originally Posted by miss.myra

Of course not, it's not that you two enjoy fighting..

you two enjoy "making up" ;)

Hahhaa... true true. But the bikering, name calling, and physical violence is also a lot of fun =)