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Aug 17, 06
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The loss of self-esteem in teenagers (and yesterdays Oprah)
For years, in life and on this board I have talked about the sadness I feel in respect to teens and in particular, young ladies loss of their sense of self end lack of self confidence.
AS a teacher now, I see it in my classrooms, in the hallways, in thier papers and in their actions. AS a young woman myself, I see it in some friends, the bars and online. We are struggling to love ourselves and sadly, many are not winning. OPrah yesterday pointed out how our lack of self love is being passed to our children and girls at the ages of 3, 4 and 5 who are so ridiculous ly perseptive are becoming focused on looks and weight issues rather than embracing the formerly typical attitude 'I can do anything'. Men and women alike are force fed imagery all day long to sell ANYTHING with sex and falsehoods. It is taking its toll. Positive rolemodels remain few and far between. As Paris Hilton's album comes out I shiver to think of the 8 yr olds who will have her poster up in their rooms, do internet searches on her name nad find One Night In Paris rather than some wholesome pop singer stuff. I have long been a woman who loves herself, a woman of self-confidence, but I struggle too ....I feel fat, I feel ugly...I feel not good enough....I fight back, I have a strong network - I am lucky. Not everyone is as lucky as I am ~ I do the best I can with my students and I encourage you to do the best you can with those in your life too No matter where you are today, no matter where you go-- think of something that makes you special, and encourage othrs to do the same We must fight harder for a positive future. 
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Aug 17, 06
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this issue rings true for men too.
in some cases, people who are very capable and have alot to offer the world have low self esteems for some unfortunate circumstances. but the saddest case is when the low self esteem is really a product of the harshness that is the world. Thats something that will never change. There has always been great expectations for people to live up to ( LOOONG before the Paris Hiltons and Lindsey Lohans of our time), that people just cant live up to because they werent lucky enough to be born with those desired traits. its tragic yes. but its nothing new. short ugly people with no brains or money, no family or friends are going to be generally unhappy with themselves until mankind ceases to be. Last edited by -evil-duerr-; Aug 17, 06 at 12:09 PM.
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Aug 17, 06
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I completely agree.
i have been working with kids of all ages for a while now and have noticed this myself. children do not have confidence! I see little ones walking around the pool, heads hanging low, fear i ntheir eyes, they look scared and nervous about life. this is the same in the community, in the park and the classroom, from what i have viewed briefly. this makes me feel like shit to see, because i struggle ot open their eyes for 30 minutes a day, or the little time i have to talk with them and it seems to do little to nothing. the influences they have in their lives must be terrible, or not strong enough to reinforce the stength of character and confidence that children need to grow up into proud little adults. good post jingles. i'm very happy to see that their are fresh teachers in it for the right reason. Last edited by mojo; Aug 17, 06 at 12:55 PM. Reason: me no spelly good
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Aug 17, 06
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That's because kids don't know how to have confidence. Your teenage years are your angstyiest and most indecisive years of your life. Fuck, if I simply knew what I knew at age 20 when I was 16, high school would have been a breeze.
Everybody's uncertain at that age. That's what being a teenager is all about: lack of self-confidence and rebellion against social systems. I hate that Oprah tries to look at the human condition as some kind of a disease.
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Aug 17, 06
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fuck Oprah
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Aug 17, 06
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OUr society is in a constant state of evolution and I do not think that we have methods in place to truly help many of our young people develop the skills so that self confidence can grow rather than continuously being stunted. Even in the short years that it has been since we were teens Dave, things have taken a nosedive in the highschools in department of self -worth (self worth and self confidence are 2 very different things) Kids now are innidated with image and expectation in a way no other generation (even ours) has been we live in a phooto perfect world in a way we never have before, and yet we are treating kids the same (especially in schools) way as the last 20 years...something's got to give
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Aug 17, 06
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I couldn't agree with you more.
In fact, I was having a very similar discussion with my boyfriend the other day. I was saying how people view me as being attractive, strong (sometimes arrogant, haha!), confident and having tons of potential. But when I think of myself, I am so incredibly critical. I think I'm too chubby, I think I'm an emotional mess a good portion of the time, I sometimes feel confident, but a lot of the time I feel kind of lost. I read into every little thing anyone says about me in a cricital way (even if it's constructive) and beat myself up over it. And even though I know these things about myself, I can't help it. It's just how I am. I work with teenagers, and I see their lack of self belief. It's not just the girls, either. One of the sweetest, funniest, smartest, cutest guys I know is 17, going in to grade 12. Girls LOVE him. Customers compliment him on his attitude and service ALL the time. He doesn't see it, though. He doesn't believe in himself. He has so much potential and no matter how much you tell him, he never believes that he is "good enough". Another guy who works for me is 21, and he's a virgin. Which I think is awesome, but he is afraid to let anyone know because he's afraid that he will be made fun of for having strong morals. The only reason he told me was that he needed advice about how to tell his girlfriend and he thought I was the only person who would give him advice without judging him. How wrong is it that this guy has low self-esteem because he's afraid that other people won't respect his morals?! I think these days we have such high expecatations to live up to that a lot of us feel overwhelmed by day to day life. It's not just about getting good grades and then a good job and then marrying a good man/woman and raising a good family anymore - it's about being perfect and living the perfect life. The sad thing for me is, I realize this, but I keep pushing for perfection. I hold myself to a standard that is impossible for me to achieve and then wonder why I'm unhappy.
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Aug 17, 06
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^^ totally agree...we are our own worst critics!
People just have to realise that we all dont look the same and thats ok, divesity is beautiful!
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Aug 17, 06
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Interesting.
I'm reading a book on the development of the female brain and how females seem to function at different phases of their lives. Did you know that a young girl from about the age of two when the female hormones stop flowing into the body up until they begin puberty seem to focus a lot of time and energy trying to get attention and validation from others? They seem to seek it almost tirelessly throughout those years. I think that in earlier times when people were surrounded only by other people that it was easier for a young girl to get validation from friends, family, etc. Now young girls can seek it from a wide variety of media sources which can even make an unsuspecting or unknowing child seem inadequate. I think exposure to a lot of things like TV at such an early age can be very detremential to a young child's self worth and I think that if the self worth children, especially young girls can be set off their whole life because of it. They are conditioned from an early age what they ought to be and always feel wrong becuse they aren't.
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Aug 17, 06
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Aug 17, 06
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Come on, Maryah.
Before Paris there was Liv Tyler, there was Jennifer Love Hewitt, there was Claudia Schiffer, there was Kate Moss, there was Madonna, there was Tiffany, there was countless pop diva before countless pop diva. And they were ALL pressing kids to buy their album/posters/lunchboxes/image. When I was in High School the girls' washrooms were notably a crowded place after every meal. Self-worth and self-image and skewed perceptions of the self have always been an issue with teenagers, is what I'm saying. People are getting more inundated with more of the world at a young age, this is true, with the advent of the internet and worldwide communication technologies, and maybe that contributes to the whole process being a bit expedited. And that could be a problem, I guess. But to say that it wasn't a very present issue when we were young is to merely be blind as to what was going on around us. And the older we get the more we're going to have this fantasy world of what things were like when we were young. Last edited by ebbomega; Aug 17, 06 at 05:47 PM.
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Aug 17, 06
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I don't think you can blame this all on female role models. Although I think it may play apart... I think we have to look at the problem as a whole.
Parents are so paranoyed these days and over protective. Most kids are driven to school, parents helping too much with home work, and play grounds arnt as fun as they use to becuase there not safe enough. Kids are living at home longer and parents are feeling sorry for us growing up in harder times then they did. How is anyone going to gain self esteam if they dont know how to take care of them selfs with out holding momy's hand. Another possibility is diet and excersise. I feel so much better about myself when I eat healthyer and excercise. Kids these days eat such junk. I feel horrible after eating McDonalds or loads of sugar or white carbs... how do you think these kids feel who I see them eating it almost every day? My mom lectured me about women like madona and spice girls. She told me you dont have to get anywhere by being all sexy. She pointed out the positive role models like Alanis Morsette and Gwen Stafani who worked hard and got what they wanted becuase of it. Although I still do feel presure to meet a certain standered of looks... I still know that the bottom line is you have to prove that you can do it. Last edited by Ree Fresh; Aug 17, 06 at 09:34 PM.
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Aug 17, 06
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Aug 17, 06
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I didn't eat, that was so I could buy cigarettes--- Madonna weighed 120 lbs when I was 14 ( I remember) and is 5'4 so her weight and image isn't an issue, Tiffany wasn't a waif either, and JLH wasn't my cup of tea =) We have always had rad and crummy role models , always, but what I am saying is that there used to be more to conteract these media images, we used to be able to be places where there was no advertising (I remember when ads were not on the sides of buses For Example) I remember when sex did not sell everything. It used to be that Kraft dinner was sold by children and now it is sold with women in their underwear...everything is sold with an ounce of sex and PERFECTION and I seeing it wearing on us Come on Dave, even you have felt the pressure to be beauitful... we have all seen your outfits! You are seeing what I am saying...
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