Beeeeeeerrrrrrrr

[yourlilbaby]

22 Reasons Why Alcohol Should Be Served At Work
1. It's an incentive to show up.

2. It reduces stress.

3. It leads to more honest communications.

4. It reduces complaints about low pay.

5. It cuts down on time off because you can work with a hangover.

6. Employees tell management what they think, not what management wants to hear.

7. It helps save on heating costs in the winter.

8. It encourages carpooling.

9. Increase job satisfaction because if you have a bad job, you don't care.

10. It eliminates vacations because people would rather come to work.

11. It makes fellow employees look better.

12. It makes the cafeteria food taste better.

13. Bosses are more likely to hand out raises when they are wasted.

14. Salary negotiations are a lot more profitable.

15. Suddenly, burping during a meeting isn't so embarrassing.

16. Employees work later since there's no longer a need to relax at the bar.

17. It makes everyone more open with their ideas.

18. Everyone agrees the work better after they've had a couple of drinks.

19. Eliminates the need for employees to get drunk on their lunch break.

20. It promotes foreign relations with the former Soviet Union.

21. Employees no longer need coffee to sober up.

22. Babbling and mumbling incoherently will be common language.

[yourlilbaby]

The problem with some people is that when they aren't drunk, they're sober.
- William Butler Yeats

An intelligent man is sometimes forced to be drunk to spend time with his fools.
- For Whom the Bell Tolls, Ernest Hemingway

Always do sober what you said you'd do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut.
- Ernest Hemingway

You're not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on.
- Dean Martin

Drunk is feeling sophisticated when you can't say it.
- Anonymous

No animal ever invented anything as bad as drunkenness - or as good as drink.
- G.K. Chesterton

Time is never wasted when you're wasted all the time.
- Catherine Zandonella

Abstainer: a weak person who yields to the temptation of denying himself a pleasure.
- Ambrose Bierce

Reality is an illusion that occurs due to the lack of alcohol.
- Anonymous

I never drink anything stronger than gin before breakfast. A woman drove me to drink and I didn't even have the decency to thank her. What contemptible scoundrel has stolen the cork to my lunch?
- W.C. Fields

Beauty lies in the hands of the beer holder.
- Anonymous

Sir, if you were my husband, I would poison your drink.
- Lady Astor to Winston Churchill
Madam, if you were my wife, I would drink it.
- His reply

If God had intended us to drink beer, he would have given us stomaches.
- David Daye

Work is the curse of the drinking classes.
- Oscar Wilde

When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.
- Henny Youngman

Life is a waste of time, time is a waste of life, so get wasted all of the time and have the time of your life.
- Anonymous

I'd rather have a bottle in front of me, than a frontal lobotomy.
- Tom Waits

24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case. Coincidence?
- Anonymous

Conserve water. Drink Beer.
- Anonymous

You don't like jail? Naw, they got the wrong kind of bars in there.
- Charles Bukowski

Beer is good food.
- Anonymous

It's better to have beer in hand than gas in tank.
- Anonymous

Life is too short to drink cheap beer.
- Anonymous

Beer: it's not just for breakfast anymore.
- Anonymous

Beer: Nature's laxative.
- Anonymous

Beer: If you can't taste it, why bother!
- Anonymous

All other nations are drinking Ray Charles beer and we are drinking Barry Manilow.
- Dave Barry

When I heated my home with oil, I used an average of 800 gallons a year. I have found that I can keep comfortably warm for an entire winter with slightly over half that quantity of beer.
- Postpetroleum Guzzler, Dave Barry

Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you that the wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel does not go nearly as well with pizza.
- Dave Barry's Bad Habits, Dave Barry

Not all chemicals are bad. Without chemicals such as hydrogen and oxygen, for example, there would be no way to make water, a vital ingredient in beer.
- Dave Barry

My problem with most athletic challenges is training. I'm lazy and find that workouts cut into my drinking time.
- Anonymous

The problem with the world is that everyone is a few drinks behind.
- Humphrey Bogart

Friends don't let friends drink Light Beer.
- Anonymous

If nothing beats a Bud, given the choice, I'd take the nothing...
- Anonymous

Draft beer, not people!
- Anonymous

Adhere to Schweinheitsgebot. Don't put anything in your beer that a pig wouldn't eat.
- David Geary

Why is American beer served cold? So you can tell it from urine.
- David Moulton

A drink a day keeps the shrink away.
- Edward Abbey

Put it back in the horse!
- H. Allen Smith, an American humorist in the '30s-'50s, after he drank his first American beer at a bar.

[yourlilbaby]

Do--the stuff that buys me beer
Ray--the guy who sells me beer
Me--the guy who drinks the beer
Far--a long way to get beer
So--I'll have another beer
La--I'll have another beer
Tea--No, thanks I'm drinking beer
That will bring us back to...(looks into empty glass)
D'OH!!!

[Bitchin]

^ I love that song

[yourlilbaby]

i was singing it all day