have u ever been in love?

[galaxie]

Originally Posted by rawb

NOT TO BE A DICK BUT A LOT OF PEOPLE HERE SEEM TO BE CONFUSING "LOVE" WITH THE COMFORT THAT CO-DEPENDENCE BRINGS

I totally agree with this.
In the past, I stayed in relationships because I didn't know how to be alone. I thought I "loved" the guy but what I really loved was spending time with someone - having a steady companion, day after day.
Being in a long-distance relationship has really taught me about what love actually is. I've learned just who I am and what I want out of life, all the while having the most amazing man supporting me. I never would have realized that I just yearned for the company if I hadn't ended up in this ldr. I'm thankful I did :)

[SEAN!]

Originally Posted by galaxie

I totally agree with this.
In the past, I stayed in relationships because I didn't know how to be alone. I thought I "loved" the guy but what I really loved was spending time with someone - having a steady companion, day after day.
Being in a long-distance relationship has really taught me about what love actually is. I've learned just who I am and what I want out of life, all the while having the most amazing man supporting me. I never would have realized that I just yearned for the company if I hadn't ended up in this ldr. I'm thankful I did :)

You say the same thing about every relationship you've been in since i started posting.

[veN]

Originally Posted by SEAN!

You say the same thing about every relationship you've been in since i started posting.

This time she's right, though! I've been friends with her IRL since before she started posting on here, and it's true, this time she's figured it out. I haven't liked any of her bf's as much as this one. Actually, I didn't like most!

But what your saying... doesn't that go for a lot of people though? Myself included! You think you have it figured out, but in hindsight is when you realize it was all wrong. One hopes to learn something with each relationship. It would be amazing to get it right the very first time, but it doesn't always work that way, and I'm actually grateful for all I've learned in my time with love and lovers. Sometimes it hurt to learn these lessons, but that's just the way it goes.

[galaxie]

Originally Posted by SEAN!

You say the same thing about every relationship you've been in since i started posting.

That's not true. I never realized that it was just a companionship thing until about a year ago.

Each relationship I've been in has taught me things and therefore the next one was stronger than the previous. I think this is the logical progression of things. If you date a bigger loser than the last one you're an idiot and haven't learned from the past. For me, each relationship has been one step closer to me knowing exactly what it is that I want, and what will make me happy.

[ebbomega]

Honestly, I don't think it's possible to ever know exactly what you want and what will make you happy. You can just make the best guess you can, and if it's in the cards it'll work out.

[Erin]

I have also said the same thing about every relationship I've been in. However this is time is very different and I'll tell you why...

I always start out really liking a person and I throw myself into a relationship. After a few months (usually about 4 or 5) I start to push them away, I gradually like them less and less as the days go on. And god forbid I go on a vacation with them...

Then I started dating Jeff. I started out thinking, "yeah, he's cool. I like hanging out with him, he makes me laugh, we have fun together etc" And the more I was with him and got to know him, the more I fell in love with him. Everyday I like him more then the day before (yes, I'm serious) I respect him more, and love the person he is more. I went on vacation with him in the summer, I though it was going to drive me nuts having him there every single day for 2 weeks and anticipated ditching him a lot (as I tended to do with other boyfriends) but it turned out that he was the person I wanted to spend all my time with, and spending 2 weeks straight with him was some of the most fun I've ever had. He's the opposite from what I've had with every other guy I've dated. And that's what I say I finally have the real thing. :)

[ebbomega]

Originally Posted by Erin

I have also said the same thing about every relationship I've been in. However this is time is very different and I'll tell you why...

I think everybody says this about every relationship they happen to be in at the time.

Not saying it's not true for you, just remember that hindsight can be a mafucker. If this one doesn't pan out for whatever reason, you'll modify your perceptions and the next time you get serious with someone, you'll say "THIS TIME I have it figured out!"

I guess I'm being a bit of a wet blanket now, but fer chrissakes, making absolutes about how perfect your relationship is just tempting fate to make you eat your words.

I have many reasons to believe that this relationship will work out, but it's not like there isn't some potential that it could all cave in. Natalie, you especially should think twice about it given the track record that long-distance relationships tend to have. Again, I'm not accusing anybody that they don't know what love is / aren't in the relationship they will be in until the day they die / are being any less or more genuine than they have in the past. I'm just saying that nothing in life is certain. Once you're certain of it, it changes on you.

[Tea]

People who aren't in relationships are not uncapable of being in relationships, they are just picky. (Not just saying this because i am not IAR) Nor are they incapble of learning what they want from another person.

I happen to know of a great guy, "catch" worthy who was never serious until he met "the one" to change him, and now they live together.

Being in a lot of shitty relationships until you find the one is the same as not being a lot of realtionships until you find the one. You can learn A LOT of lessons without giving up years of your life. I feel i have learned a lot, and hope to learn more, but maybe end up like my "catch" male friend. Time will tell...but until then i know there is more to life then "falling in love" like for one, getting a PHD and i don't mean, player hating degreeee tho those are good too =p

[Bitchin]

Originally Posted by Kraig

With me right Jovi? We "rocked it" together. Hahahahahahahahaha. :p

BWAHAHAHAHAH!!! *wipes tears*
I literally almost fell of my chair reading that...

YOU KNOW YOU WANT IT KRAIG!!!

[Erin]

Originally Posted by ebbomega

I think everybody says this about every relationship they happen to be in at the time.

Not saying it's not true for you, just remember that hindsight can be a mafucker. If this one doesn't pan out for whatever reason, you'll modify your perceptions and the next time you get serious with someone, you'll say "THIS TIME I have it figured out!"

I guess I'm being a bit of a wet blanket now, but fer chrissakes, making absolutes about how perfect your relationship is just tempting fate to make you eat your words.

I have many reasons to believe that this relationship will work out, but it's not like there isn't some potential that it could all cave in. Natalie, you especially should think twice about it given the track record that long-distance relationships tend to have. Again, I'm not accusing anybody that they don't know what love is / aren't in the relationship they will be in until the day they die / are being any less or more genuine than they have in the past. I'm just saying that nothing in life is certain. Once you're certain of it, it changes on you.

I agree with you. Nothing is ever certain. Shit can happen and we can be done in a year or 10 years. All I'm saying is what I have now far surpasses what I've had before. And it makes all my other relationships look like a joke. It's because I'm older and I know what I want now. :)

[yoko*]

Originally Posted by galaxie

I totally agree with this.
In the past, I stayed in relationships because I didn't know how to be alone. I thought I "loved" the guy but what I really loved was spending time with someone - having a steady companion, day after day.
Being in a long-distance relationship has really taught me about what love actually is. I've learned just who I am and what I want out of life, all the while having the most amazing man supporting me. I never would have realized that I just yearned for the company if I hadn't ended up in this ldr. I'm thankful I did :)

Props to that.

Without going into too much detail I sympathize with your view. When you fall in love with someone that lives miles away, and especially in a different country, the situation is neither convenient nor comfortable.

Originally Posted by SEAN!

You say the same thing about every relationship you've been in since i started posting.

You have to be sure about your feelings about the person to even bother to give it a real chance because to want to be with someone that lives in a different country requires more certainty, trust, communication, and physical and emotional sacrifices than what is normal in a local relationship.

Basically, it's not worth it to invest the time, money and emotion into a long distance relationship that is just "mediocre". In such relationships, you just have to be all that more SURE about the person to want to make it work. Of anybody, I'm sure galaxie knows best about how hard she's had to think about her relationship. You just don't even THINK about these things when your partner lives a drive away.

[veN]

Originally Posted by Tea

People who aren't in relationships are not uncapable of being in relationships, they are just picky. (Not just saying this because i am not IAR) Nor are they incapble of learning what they want from another person.

I happen to know of a great guy, "catch" worthy who was never serious until he met "the one" to change him, and now they live together.

Being in a lot of shitty relationships until you find the one is the same as not being a lot of realtionships until you find the one. You can learn A LOT of lessons without giving up years of your life. I feel i have learned a lot, and hope to learn more, but maybe end up like my "catch" male friend. Time will tell...but until then i know there is more to life then "falling in love" like for one, getting a PHD and i don't mean, player hating degreeee tho those are good too =p

I'm really glad you brought that point to the table. It's absolutely true. I can only say that my posts are, based on my own experience, as one's usually are. But what you're saying here is really important. People IN relationships are not always the authority ON relationships, if that makes sense. What happens when you're not in a relationship can play just as much of a role as what you do when you are in one. Edit: And BOTH shape you.

[galaxie]

Originally Posted by ebbomega

I have many reasons to believe that this relationship will work out, but it's not like there isn't some potential that it could all cave in. Natalie, you especially should think twice about it given the track record that long-distance relationships tend to have. Again, I'm not accusing anybody that they don't know what love is / aren't in the relationship they will be in until the day they die / are being any less or more genuine than they have in the past. I'm just saying that nothing in life is certain. Once you're certain of it, it changes on you.

Actually, there is no research that concludes that LDRs have any more chance of failing than geographically close relationships!

IMO it's not about the distance, it's about the people involved. Some people wouldn't be able do it - we can and we do it very well :)

[Grapes]

Whoooaaaaahh this is getting boring. A few more pages and I'll start to consider my ultimate destiny of "crazy old guy who rides the bus all day and is so lonely he'll talk to anyone about anything" to be not such a bad fate after all.

[Grapes]

If and when I get into a long term relationship, I think we'll need to have a thing, something along the lines of "we sporadically hit each other over the head with socks filled with heavy objects, in the style of "In Living Colour" recurring character "Homey the Clown"", so that when people ask me what the secret to my successful long term relationship is, I can say that, and not any of this other stuff.

[Ryan Ross]

After reading 5 more pages, I'm still of the opinion love can be an awful twat.

FnK failed to change me, what's wrong with you people!

[mojo]

Originally Posted by veN

What happens when you're not in a relationship can play just as much of a role as what you do when you are in one. Edit: And BOTH shape you.

I agree with you Nev. I have learned more since my last breakup then I did after my previous breakups. My outlook on relationships as a unit and my requirements in another person have become much more clear, and I think that came as a direct result of the breakup but also because of the time I have had to grow as mature as a person.

I think that after each seperation from another person you become more connected with yourself, and with what you truly want in an accomplice..... and also what you need. The later part being the most important.
This whole ramble can be paraphrased in me saying that time out of a relationship is essential in order to achnowledge what you need in it.

[SEAN!]

Originally Posted by yoko*

Props to that.

Without going into too much detail I sympathize with your view. When you fall in love with someone that lives miles away, and especially in a different country, the situation is neither convenient nor comfortable.



You have to be sure about your feelings about the person to even bother to give it a real chance because to want to be with someone that lives in a different country requires more certainty, trust, communication, and physical and emotional sacrifices than what is normal in a local relationship.

Basically, it's not worth it to invest the time, money and emotion into a long distance relationship that is just "mediocre". In such relationships, you just have to be all that more SURE about the person to want to make it work. Of anybody, I'm sure galaxie knows best about how hard she's had to think about her relationship. You just don't even THINK about these things when your partner lives a drive away.

It just seems like Natalie, no doubt being a passionate person like myself, always finds in someone the great love of her life.

I know long distance relationships often do work out. However, personally I don't think I could ever consider intaiting a long distance relationship. Mostly because I could never be sure if my sure if I really knew the person or that my feelings were legitimate given the infrequent number of times Id be able to see my partner. Id be hesitant to jump into anything or consider such a relationship more then a fling. Though who knows, things could change and Im fairly open minded.

this thread is all sorts of crazy!

[galaxie]

Originally Posted by SEAN!

It just seems like Natalie, no doubt being a passionate person like myself, always finds in someone the great love of her life.

I know long distance relationships often do work out. However, personally I don't think I could ever consider intaiting a long distance relationship. Mostly because I could never be sure if my sure if I really knew the person or that my feelings were legitimate given the infrequent number of times Id be able to see my partner. Id be hesitant to jump into anything or consider such a relationship more then a fling. Though who knows, things could change and Im fairly open minded.

I had the same opinion. I swore up and down that I'd never get into one. I had met cool guys from elsewhere and never gave them a second thought because they lived too far away. And then I met him - and from that point on I didn't have a choice. It HAD to be done. If you're ever in the situation you'll understand! :)

And you're right. I am a very, very passionate person. It just took me awhile to realize I was wasting my passion on the wrong guys.

[hardstylin]

Originally Posted by Avana

this thread is all sorts of crazy!

this thread is a yawnfest.

Fuck n' Chuck 4life!

[Drazkers]

Originally Posted by Grapes

Do you REALLY love the lamp or are you just saying you love it because you see it?

I love lamp

[liquidblue]

Originally Posted by galaxie

That's not true. I never realized that it was just a companionship thing until about a year ago.

Each relationship I've been in has taught me things and therefore the next one was stronger than the previous. I think this is the logical progression of things. If you date a bigger loser than the last one you're an idiot and haven't learned from the past. For me, each relationship has been one step closer to me knowing exactly what it is that I want, and what will make me happy.

I think this is great. This is what dating is all about in my opinion. Sure some people are lucky and hit it off in the first few people they date, but for the rest of us it's a slow progression. I think Galaxie is on the right track. Sounds like she has a great guy- regardless of what some people are saying. Sounds happy to me, and you cant ask for much more than that.

Life is a journey, not a destination.

[Kraig]

Originally Posted by Bitchin

BWAHAHAHAHAH!!! *wipes tears*
I literally almost fell of my chair reading that...

YOU KNOW YOU WANT IT KRAIG!!!

I thought you'd like that. ;-)

AND I KNOW YOU WANT IT. :-p

I think the reason for ppl always saying "this is the best relationship yet" is because they are constantly learning something new each time they get in one.

Although long distance relationships can give you miss perseption of what your relationship is really like, its not to say they wont work out. I think for some it may work in their favor. Take for example the belief to why Japan has the lowest divorce rate. Belief is that couples in Japan tend to talk/communicate a lot less to each other... therefore less arguing? Less Annoyance of one an other? I think the only time long distance relationships fail is for ppl who lack maturity or are very needy. But this could also depend on the kind of LDR you have.