i think I've reached an entirely new level of anger....

[Cdn_Brdr]

OK, this is a long story but whatever... I need to get this crap off my chest.

About 6 years ago my ex and her husband tell me they want to move to Kamloops with their new son and my 4 y/o son. They told me that the husband had a great job opportunity and that it would be better for their family. I didn't necessarily like the idea but I thought that if it was better for my son in the long run that I would deal with it. I very unselfishly said it was ok, no matter how hard it would be on me.

Not much to be angry about there right? WRONG. First thing was that a job never existed. I was lied to in order to consent to the move... something that I found out a long time ago but bit my tongue in order to keep things amiable between all of us. I mean unless you call a failed chauffeur business, a given up bee-hiving business, or building furniture with sticks.

As it stands now the guy doesn't have a job/income at all. In fact, they're living off of 2 yrs worth of EXTRA child support payments from me. I paid her directly and she failed to report my payments. Unfortunately for me I have no proof of these payments (my own damn fault I know, that's what I get for having faith in people I guess), so according to the courts I was 2 yrs behind. I basically double paid now on those 2yrs.

I might have been content to just continue on with visits and such until now. In the 6 years since they went to Kamloops they've moved 5 times, each time being further away and into poorer conditions. The last move, which took place about 2 months ago, was to a town almost 7 hrs driving distance away called Vavenby. This new place they've moved to has NO POWER, they run a generator on occasion if they need something. It has NO PHONE. They can only use a cell phone when they drive 2hrs into town for reception to check their messages. My 10 y/o son can't take a hot shower or bath. He needs to wipe down with a cloth once a week in a 3 inch basin of water. My son is diagnosed ADHD with a slight learning disability and is in a 3 grade split class and is not getting the one on one learning assistance he so direly needs.

I approached the ex today in regards to my son moving down here with me. I don't agree with the conditions and honestly I want my son to be with his dad as he hits puberty and starts to grow up. He needs his father and I'm in a position to give him a much better quality of life. I own my own home, I have 2 steady incomes to their one, I HAVE ELECTRICITY. There's proper learning assistance available to him here as well. I mean at least here he gets new clothes once in a while compared to his hand-me-downs from his rich cousin in Ontario.

In the end I was basically told 'I'll see you in court' and she left it at that. I'm so done with being the nice guy here. I was lied to and had my son taken so far away now that I can't even organize a proper visit on a weekend. It's now come to me filing to go to court. I have a hard time seeing a judge siding with her on this and the one thing that's sitting really heavily on my shoulders here is that if we actually do end up in court they could have their younger son apprehended too. I know I should only keep my son in mind but it's hard when you realize you could be taking another child away from his parents.

All in all I just want to see my son grow up. I want the ex to try and make the same unselfish decision I made 6yrs ago and let him go to a place that is more suiting for a child his age. I want to be able to go to all his hockey games and meet with his teachers to see how he's doing. I want him to be able to have his friends over for sleep-overs and movie nights. I just want to be his Dad and it's been stolen away from me in my eyes. In the end I hope it all works out to benefit my son. He's such a good kid and deserves the best so it's worth the fight.

Step 1 is to file and ..... CHECK.

Long road ahead for me... I guess I better buckle up.

[wishbone]

i was gonna respond with something witty, but i hope you get your kid back because that sounds completely shitty for him.

goodluck.

[ebbomega]

Wow, that's harsh man. Good luck dude. All my wishes with you.

[cubed]

The home that you and Karen have would be a much more stable environment for your son to grow up in, and could only benefit his development over time. 2 Stable incomes, being a home owner and living in an area with much needed social programs will only benefit your fight.

It's a shame it's come to this, but you have to do what's right for the best interests of your son.

[veN]

Shawn, I wish you the very best of luck!!!

I know how much your son means to you and Karen, and what a positive, loving and stable life you guys could provide for him. I hope the courts side with you.

<3

[omega_image]

hope for the best, plan for the worst. if this court case is actually going to happen, ensure that you have enough supporting evidence to back up your claims. The gloves come off in the court room, so be prepared to face the fact that they will argue that you haven't kept up with your payments (even though you have).

I don't know exactly how you'd go about proving that you did make these payments, unless you could show that they have been spending more money than they could have possibly made.

Also, you should really be ready for child services. I've heard of similar cases where the children are passed off, based on the courts decision that neither parents place of residence (or lifestyle) is suitable for the child/children.

I'm not saying any of this is going to happen, but just to give you something to think about.

I'd consult a lawyer immediately, and start asking questions like no tomorrow. If you're able to, having representation goes along ways in the courts eye (ability to pay a lawyer, along with the sense of knowing what to do). If not, then ensure that every answer you get from the consultation is written down for further personal investigation.

I wish you and your son the best of luck.

[project.one]

Sorry to hear about it bro!
Best wishes and luck to you for this. I hope it works out in your favor!

[askdjasd]

Hey,

the more power to you.
If neither person cant afford a proper life, let alone a kid. It's not fair for them to keep their child.
That's not fair for the child at all.
For all you know, their child was probably an accident. If it wasnt, im sure the father or mother would be doing everything in their power to bring the child up properly.

you say: "I know I should only keep my son in mind but it's hard when you realize you could be taking another child away from his parents. "


I say.. you're deffinitely going to get your son back, and hopefully the other child will go to a fantastic home with a loving family. Unless, ofcourse.. you keep it as well.

[cubed]

I'm telling you, shawn's starting a hockey team.

[ebbomega]

Originally Posted by Cdn_Brdr

I know I should only keep my son in mind but it's hard when you realize you could be taking another child away from his parents.

Preface: IANAL

I find this unlikely honestly. The only way this may happen is if you prove the living conditions to be so undesireable that NO child should be raised there. This is not necessarily the case and it isn't what you're explicitly doing. You'd be filing for custody, in which case the judge's job is to determine what is the best place for the child in question. Child services will only get involved if you uncover cases of neglect and/or abuse in the household throughout these proceedings, in which case an investigation will begin.

Remember, not having power and being disconnected from society is not necessarily neglect. If the kids are being educated, fed, clothed and heated and their basic needs are met, you don't risk severing them from their other child. And if those needs are NOT being met then I wouldn't be filing for custody, I'd be reporting them to child services for abuse. But in that case they kind of deserve to have their child taken away. However, I find it pretty unlikely that this is the case.

Your job is not so much to prove that they're doing a bad job as parents, but that you'd do a better one with more opportunity.

Also, having your kid in your corner would speak miles in your favour.

[b0ld]

If you were to take the case to court you'd most likely win even though the fact that you made a bad mistake 6 years ago by letting him go and not having any proof that you made payments (even though you did).

Its all going to come down to a few things. Proof of employment... proof of income... and most importantly proof of shelter. The fact that they have moved multiple times within those 6 years and really have not had a job and is currently in a location that has no power is clearly an unstable environment. Clearly the things you outlined about your kids current situation is all in violation of various acts of child welfare act.

[esoter1c]

You'll def get your son, any judge with 1/2 a brain will give you full custody.

[Revolver]

shawn, im sending out some big waves of the positive out in your direction.

i could only imagine. children/family is the most sacred of the sacred and i couldnt even begin to comprehend the emotional toll this must be..

im not gonna lie to you man, the waterworks came out in force when i read the 7th paragraph. It reminded me of how wonderful my dad was too me,and made me think how lucky your son is to have you for his pops.

may the force be with you.

[dabbler]

best of luck getting it sorted.

[miss.myra]

don't get angry, get a lawyer.

i know you've posted about his shitty living situation before and i surely hoped you had a lawyer back then..but from the sounds of it, maybe not.

[crackdragon]

Sounds like they are simply using your kid as a meal ticket. Hope it all works out in your favor

[Cdn_Brdr]

Thanks everyone.

I do have a lawyer already too so that's a plus. As well my son has already said he wants to live with me (albeit he's 10 so the court might not weigh that in so much). As for the support payments they ARE up to date. I'm fully paid up PLUS those two years that they never reported. As soon as I found out that I was in arrears I started sending the money through Family Maintenance and fully paid the back pay. They basically made a hell of a lot of free money.

I mean on top of my support I constantly buy him new clothes that they won't (where my support money goes I have no idea) and things they won't buy for him. For Christmas alone he got a full snowboard setup... boots, board, bindings, pants, jacket, helmet, gloves, goggles (to be fair I did organize this with family buying certain things too)... and then some with other gifts.

What it really boils down to is that I love my boy and I want him to be happy. If I have to empty my bank account to pay for a lawyer that can make that happen then so be it.

[Rayeine]

...bless
Hope things become the best for child. Sounds like a very difficult situation..
wishing you a positive outcome on the journey...
good luck on the process road.

[Cdn_Brdr]

Lots of karma! Thanks for all the positive thoughts!

I mean really.... look at how cool this kid is... he deserves nothing but good things!

[tiedye]

Sounds like you've deserved custody all along.

[shebavpg]

Holy shit! I hope you get your kid back, sounds like he'd 10000000% better off with you. And he'd probably get to use that snowboard more out this way!! :)

All the luck to you!!!

[Courtney]

good luck with everything

[MissBehavior]

Originally Posted by Cdn_Brdr

Lots of karma! Thanks for all the positive thoughts!

I mean really.... look at how cool this kid is... he deserves nothing but good things!

<pics here>

Holy crap! You have a mini-me!

[Pussy*Kat]

Hope things went well last night.

Random running into you. More awkward for me considering I was walking around in Fuzzy Slippers and pj shorts.

But nice! <3 ! keep me updated!

[lildonkey]

Originally Posted by Pussy*Kat

More awkward for me considering I was walking around in Fuzzy Slippers and pj shorts.

that's hot

i honestly find that more attractive then a girl going clubbing wearing a miniskirt which almost shows her ass, and a blouse that is split in the middle so you can almost see her entire chest.

maybe i'm weird though

i'm going to start walking around in this and maybe i'll find my soul-mate