When do you want to settle down?

[Ragga_Wh0re]

Originally Posted by ebbomega

Well, I don't really know you at all so what you say could be true.

I just know that limiting yourself one way or another - saying "I'll absolutely get married" or "I'll never get married" - is cheating yourself on personal happiness.

Rawb has it right. Making plans is pointless until you're at a point that you're ready for it.

Personal happiness is subjective and isnt attained or expelled by doing or not doing something such as marriage. Personal happiness is acheived through self, by self. It is not measured or graded on partnerships, sure those can be contributing factors but I think its inappropriate and kind of silly to attribute personal happiness to the union of two people. That kind of thought process is archaic and leads to huge disappointments once the honeymoon phase is over.

If youre not personally happy before marriage, what are the chances that you would be during?

Because your explanation was kind of half assed and open ended I took it in this direction, correct if wrong.

[diva]

I never said people who put their children in daycare are selfish, lady.


I was asking about that you would do specifially You said that you would have a child without a partner in your life, so I was curious about your plans for childcare.

In my opinion, it's different to do the best you can when life throws your a curve ball. But when you plan to have a child without the means to care for it during the formative first years of its life...I don't know... That just doesn't sit well with me. I don't know why, but it just doesn't.

[Ragga_Wh0re]

^I did that.

My daughter has turned out exceptionally well. She started talking at 10 months, full sentances by the time she was 15 months. Knew her colors and could count to 10 by the time she was a year and a half. Could sing 5 different songs by the time she was a year and a half also. Knew books word for word by memory when she was 20 months and knew her shapes by the time she was 20 months also.

Im not sure what your understanding of daycare is, but whatever it is I can assure you its not accurate. Daycare is much more then finger paints and puppets, the workers are highly trained caring individuals that understand the developing brain,emotional and social needs of the children they look after. Considering the shit pay for the amount of work they do Id have to attest to the kick ass job theyve done with my daughter and every other child at that center.

I think whats driving your opinions is your own ideals on what parent hood should be, and not what the reality that parent hood is for the modern parent. Lack of understanding and empathy seems to be a trend with you.

[diva]

Originally Posted by Ragga_Wh0re

^I did that.

My daughter has turned out exceptionally well. She started talking at 10 months, full sentances by the time she was 15 months. Knew her colors and could count to 10 by the time she was a year and a half. Could sing 5 different songs by the time she was a year and a half also. Knew books word for word by memory when she was 20 months and knew her shapes by the time she was 20 months also.

Im not sure what your understanding of daycare is, but whatever it is I can assure you its not accurate. Daycare is much more then finger paints and puppets, the workers are highly trained caring individuals that understand the developing brain,emotional and social needs of the children they look after. Considering the shit pay for the amount of work they do Id have to attest to the kick ass job theyve done with my daughter and every other child at that center.

I think whats driving your opinions is your own ideals on what parent hood should be, and not what the reality that parent hood is for the modern parent. Lack of understanding and empathy seems to be a trend with you.

Omg. What's your deal? I understand that daycares are very important for some families, you cunt. My younger brother and sister spent almost 12 hours a day in daycare, and they're both pretty much geniuses. Did you actually read anything I wrote? Get a life.

[ebbomega]

Originally Posted by Ragga_Wh0re

Personal happiness is subjective and isnt attained or expelled by doing or not doing something such as marriage. Personal happiness is acheived through self, by self. It is not measured or graded on partnerships, sure those can be contributing factors but I think its inappropriate and kind of silly to attribute personal happiness to the union of two people. That kind of thought process is archaic and leads to huge disappointments once the honeymoon phase is over.

If youre not personally happy before marriage, what are the chances that you would be during?

Because your explanation was kind of half assed and open ended I took it in this direction, correct if wrong.

How happy can one be if they spend their entire lives regretting a decision they made?

I agree, different things make different people happy. But I do know that I've heard the story many a time of someone who discarded a potential marriage because they thought it wasn't for them, only to be emotionally scarred by the-one-that-got-away for the rest of their lives.

I'm just saying that anything's possible, and you should be open to such possibility, because you might change your mind sometime along the way and by the time you do so it may already be too late.

[diva]

Originally Posted by Ragga_Wh0re

^I did that.

No you didn't. You didn't plan to have your child. Your circumstances are completely different from the one I described.

[tiedye]

How does an unplanned circumstance differ from a planned one in terms of outcome in that situation?

[diva]

Originally Posted by tiedye

How does an unplanned circumstance differ from a planned one in terms of outcome in that situation?

I happen to think that children are the most precious little beings ever.

So it's very different when a child comes into your life by way of an accidental pregnancy. In that case, you try your very best to provide the best life for said little person. You can only do your best, and in Ragga's case it seems like she's doing her best.

I just don't understand why someone would plan to have a child when they know that they can't give them the very best. I don't think any early childhood researcher can say that placing a 6 mo. - 1 yr. old in daycare for 6-12 hours a day is doing what's best for that child.

That's my opinion, though. I know myself and I know that if I had a baby in daycare I'd feel like puking all day long. I'd be terrified, probably cry more than the baby would, and end up hating myself. That's what happens when I leave my kitties home alone for more than two days at a time. I have no reason to believe that I would react any differently with a baby. =*(

[ebbomega]

Originally Posted by diva

In that case, you try your very best to provide the best life for said little person. You can only do your best, and in Ragga's case it seems like she's doing her best.

Seriously, how is that any different from a planned pregnancy?

[Courtney]

what diva is trying to say nicely is that she thinks rich ppl can be better parents

[tiedye]

It's okay, Courtney. I don't mind being a house-husband.

[diva]

Originally Posted by Courtney

what diva is trying to say nicely is that she thinks rich ppl can be better parents

That's not fair at all, Courtney. That's not what I think at all. It's probably easier for a rich family to end up spending less time with their kids.

[ebbomega]

Okay, so what is your point then?

You say that unplanned pregnancies differ from planned ones as the parent does everything they can for their kid. How do planned parents react differently?

[tiedye]

If anything, planned parents have the presence of foresight to allow them to prepare financially so that they can spend more time at home and not risk having to rely on a second job.

[Courtney]

Originally Posted by diva

That's not fair at all, Courtney. That's not what I think at all. It's probably easier for a rich family to end up spending less time with their kids.

Please don't take this as a personal attack girl,
that is just what i'm getting out of reading what you wrote

[Courtney]

Originally Posted by ebbomega

Okay, so what is your point then?

You say that unplanned pregnancies differ from planned ones as the parent does everything they can for their kid. How do planned parents react differently?

unplanned parents do the best THEY CAN considering the unplanned circumstances
whereas parents that have planned gernally can do BETTER because they had that plan

that's what I thought she meant

[diva]

Originally Posted by ebbomega

Okay, so what is your point then?

You say that unplanned pregnancies differ from planned ones as the parent does everything they can for their kid. How do planned parents react differently?

My opinion on this matter is that it's usually best to plan babies with best case scenarios in mind. Planning out a less than ideal situation seems very strange to me. I don't quite understand. Like, when I process the idea of being a single person planning to have a baby, I get a serious no feeling in my stomach. Especially when I factor in that said baby might end up spending more of their waking moments with strangers than they would with me. Because of this, I would try to convince myself that this would probably be a bad idea.

Maybe I'm just not seeing the positive aspects of a single person planning to have a baby that they'll have to place in daycare. I would love for someone to point some out for me.

[Courtney]

^ I am not saying it is the BEST scenario, I am just saying it is doable and with enough love that child will have just as good of a life as any other....
- If I were to do it, I would have my degree by then and a stable career
-being loved and cared for by a parent ( as opposed to the many kids that are put up for adoption, foster care)
-being exposed to many other children and more than just one figure to look up to
-having one successful parent is a much better scenario than two drug addict parents, or even one

[tiedye]

I don't think it's anything to frown upon that a woman would want to have a child before her biological clock stops ticking, even if that means going through with being a single parent. Everyone deserves the right to procreate and shouldn't be hindered by a societal fabrication like romance.

[inside]

Having a Kid vs Owning a Ferrari.

Ferrari wins everytime.

[Revolver]

when I want to.

simple.

:P

[Ragga_Wh0re]

Originally Posted by diva

Omg. What's your deal? I understand that daycares are very important for some families, you cunt. My younger brother and sister spent almost 12 hours a day in daycare, and they're both pretty much geniuses. Did you actually read anything I wrote? Get a life.

I did and it translated into this "bla bla bla I dont know wtf im talking about bla bla atomic family bla bla bla."

And yeah, it is hard leaving your child at daycare but its even harder staying home with a child that isnt getting the social ineraction that they constantly need. To stay home with a child is equal to working a full time job. Even if I had the option to stay home, I wouldnt.I like to work, I like to converse with adults, I like to be an adult!Work is basically my only interaction with adults, aside from that its snot face the terrorist thats declared a jihad on my home.Which is great...in moderation.For me atleast.

Its not easy being a stay at home mom either, not easy on mom and not easy on the kiddos. Look after snot face,clean the house,cook,social outings/playgroups and then somehow have time for yourself too?Doest work out too well all the time.Kids demand a lot of attention from as many people they can get it from. If theres only a few people providing that attention theyre bound to get burnt out sooner then later then the wee ones going to go on a rampage. Thats unfair to the parents/attention providers and thats unfair to the children.

Thats why daycares are good, although a tough decision and sometimes a scary one...but necessary.Which brings me to my point, planned/unplanned is irrelevant really. Your basing your opinions off idealitys and emotion. Wake up from dreamland now because God forbid if you were ever to be thrown a "curve ball" youll have one hell of a fall back down to earth!

[stabmyhead]

I know I'll be ready to settle down when I no longer post on fnk!

Originally Posted by Ragga_Wh0re

i have adhd when it comes to relationships, and I am also emotionally retarded. The ideal of marriage is really warm and fuzzy and makes me sigh every so often, but knowing the reality of marriage quickly melts away any fairytales Ive occasionally entertained.

Im happy that I had my terrorist when i was 22, and that I hold the upper hand in the parenting situation with her father. I thought I wanted more kids until I took my daughter and my niece who is also 2 to another 2 year olds birthday party. never again!

i find it is such a cop out to say that you arent capable of being in a relationship. maybe i am a hopeless romantic but i truly believe there is someone for everyone. i think that once you met that person, your opinion will change.

i was single for 7 years. i held out, but met someone that made my heart a bit softer than before.

[SEAN!]

Originally Posted by diva

I happen to think that children are the most precious little beings ever.

So it's very different when a child comes into your life by way of an accidental pregnancy. In that case, you try your very best to provide the best life for said little person. You can only do your best, and in Ragga's case it seems like she's doing her best.

I just don't understand why someone would plan to have a child when they know that they can't give them the very best. I don't think any early childhood researcher can say that placing a 6 mo. - 1 yr. old in daycare for 6-12 hours a day is doing what's best for that child.

That's my opinion, though. I know myself and I know that if I had a baby in daycare I'd feel like puking all day long. I'd be terrified, probably cry more than the baby would, and end up hating myself. That's what happens when I leave my kitties home alone for more than two days at a time. I have no reason to believe that I would react any differently with a baby. =*(

you could be independently wealthy and very caring and your children would still not get the 'very best.' Also as our understanding changes the definition of whats best for a child changes as well.


I dont really understand what your gettting at making these value judgements, by the sounds of it ragga is doing a pretty damn good job.


personally imma cuss like a sailor, get belligerently drunk everyday, and teach my kids to be anti-social violent little sociopaths just so they can fuck up all the other kids whose parents tried o provide tem with the very best.