My Heart of Darkness

[Lush]

After reading Joseph Conrad's "Heart of Darkness" in my English honours class we were assigned a paper where we had to write about our own heart of darkness.
Now I put off this paper for months, because it's not an easy topic to write about right...
so finally I brought myself to writing it, and I can honestly say it was one of the most difficult papers I've ever written. For one I could hardly stop crying while I was writing it and well it was just hard to face my "heart of darkness."
I'm not going to post the whole paper.. just the intro and some bits and pieces...

"One of the most valuable lessons I have learned in my life is to have no regrets, because even the most unpleasant experiences have some sort of quality that can be learned from. Despite all of this, I can recall one major event that occurred throughout elementary school, this event undoubtedly changed my life and the way I perceive things, but it came at a very high cost.
Insecure people tend to make fun of other people, either to raise their self-esteem or simply to mask their own insecurities. In elementary school, everyone faces the peak of their insecurities, especially during the later years, when they go through the transition of childhood to adolescents. Maybe it Darwin’s Theory of “Survival of the Fittest” that causes us to prey upon the weaker victims, or maybe it’s all pre-determined by our genes. I often question whatever element it is that is held responsible for driving human nature, enabling us to do some of the things that we do and making us capable of saying some of the things that we say.

Joylen was the target for every truth and dare game we played, the worst possible dare you could get was to have to run up to her and give her a hug, because everyone perceived her as non-human, and touching her was supposed to be disgusting. The teachers noticed the teasing that went on, they even confronted various students and classes lecturing them about how our behavior towards her was “inappropriate” but this only drew more attention to her and made the teasing worse

After reading Lord of the Flies, everything finally made sense. My grade 7 class was a modern day Lord of the Flies, Joylen being Piggy/Simon; Tyler resembling the character of Jack, and I guess I was Ralph… stuck between the two worlds. Even today, I look back and cannot think of any occurrence that has better portrayed the reality of human nature. That experience was an epiphany that changed me for the better. After that day, I began standing up for Joylen and we became good friends. Of course that automatically decreased my popularity status, but I really didn’t care anymore, that was something I was willing to sacrifice for the sake of treating Joylen the way she deserved to be treated… like a human being.

After reading Lord of the Flies, everything finally made sense. My grade 7 class was a modern day Lord of the Flies. Even today, I look back and cannot think of any occurrence that has better portrayed the reality of human nature. That experience was an epiphany that changed me for the better. After that day, I began standing up for Joylen and we became good friends. Of course that automatically decreased my popularity status, but I really didn’t care anymore, that was something I was willing to sacrifice for the sake of treating Joylen the way she deserved to be treated… like a human being."


Well that was it, I just thought I'd share a bit of my paper with you guys. It wasen't well written or anything but I think she was looking for content rather than structure.

Sooo does anyone else want to share a moment of their "heart of darkness"?

[Lush]

my bad i posted one of the paragraphs twice :soak:

[mista_meth]

shades i like what you wrote it's cool to now that ppl still think like philosophers and that kind oh laadyda i like to read shit that makes me thnk of stuff.....

[mista_meth]

and how do you post a thread

[bob]

well i got nothing to share... the topic just caught my eye cuz that's one of the better books i've read over the past few years and it's sitting on my shelf right infront of me...

now that you mention the book, i'm gonna read it again!

[Lush]

It's quite a challenging book, I found anyways :kimmie:
Seems as though every sentence is a metaphor of some sort...

I very much appreciate the comment Mista_meth :)
To start a new thread click on "create new topic"

[.anya]

Shadi >i enjoyed what you wrote, and hw you wrote it. maybe you can share the rest of the paper with me later?

MC Hammered > wow, you enjoyed that book? i found that i had to struggle through it, i didn't like it at all. some of the ideas in it were profound but the reading was just way too convoluted for my tastes. and this is not to say that i do not enjoy a challenging read once in a while, i just found this book to be boring hehe. i guess maybe i read it the wrong way and at the wrong time, i might reread in a few years...

as for my on heart of darkness... well, i think it's been mostly letting myself down and not being able to deal with it adequately. i know, shadi, that you may not think so, but by may standards i am a failure in school, i feel like i have not accomplished much. and my own insecurities pile up and up and up, and i deal with them by taking drugs, or just plain ignoring them. i'm sure i can think some other not so pleasant things i have done/said, but this one has been bothering me for a while. just... feeling as i am never good enough and letting myself sink deeper into the hole, without any motivation to make my way back up. hmm, am i getting to weird now, or are you catching my drift?

[watscum]

I admit Ive participated in very similar scenarios over the years. I can also appreciate your Darwin reference; I feel as though some people are born with an inherent victim quality that causes them to experience constant harrassment.

[Ragga_Wh0re]

i went from victim to victor fuck darwins theory its crap!

[Lush]

^ Sorry to hear that Goddessa :(

Anna, I was really surprised to read your reply. I honestly perceive you as one of the most well-rounded individuals I know. You have so much going for you, you're in IB, and what sets you apart from your fellow "IB" ers is that you're not only book smart, but also street smart and people smart.
I remember doing those stupid FSA tests in gr. 10.. and I think the topic we had to write about was how a child only educated at school is an uneducated child (something along the lines of that) I wrote about how it's necessary to be "people smart" and "social smart" as well as book smart to succeed in life, and when I look at you, you have all those things going for you.
I can understand how you might feel like a failure being in an environment like that, but from the outside looking in, you're nothing but an achiever. Keep this in mind also, highschool restricts you, there's only so much you can achieve in highschool... just wait till you get out, then you'll have your time to shine, and knowing you Anna, you most definetly will.

[watscum]

FSA testing makes me cringe
i simply refused to take part in that nonsense..

http://www.ecf.toronto.edu/%7Ewatsonh/whyirefused.htm

[Starberry]

I wrote a paper on Heart of Darkness in my first year @ SFU....and I got an A+! Holy fuck, those were the days..... (and I didn't even know that it was possible to get 100% on a university paper).

Conrad is not that exciting though. I read The Secret Agent as well, and wrote a paper on that too (got an A as well...I am cool), but it was boring as heck. Academic, yes, enjoyment, no.

*Jen*

[.anya]

agh, Shadi, you got me all emotional and thinking...
thank you. thank you. thank you.
the fact that you think that means a lot. more than i can say.
hmmm, vancouver has taught me a lot since my Saint John (haha eastern canada) days... and you've been a big part in that. but i'm sure you know that by now :)
it's weird how we're the same but yet so different on so many levels (sal and i were talking about that, too...) but i've learned a lot from you, more than you probably realize.
again, thank you. (lol, getting a little too personal for a message board?)
high school restricting you -> yeah, definitely, i know what you mean. but i am thankful for IB, it's given me a lot of chances to express myself in way i didn't think i could. and ah, i think that as long as we can benefit from education for free (well, practically), we should. high school is full of restricitions, yes, but it also opens up a lot of doors for you in terms of what you want to do later on. and if we can combine that 'school intellect' with 'social intellect', maybe we can get the best of both worlds... ?
:080: think *without* the box...

[Lush]

Watscum, I really enjoyed reading your arguement, not only was it entertaining it also had a lot of good points. :) good job!
Looking back I wish I had done something similar, because I thought those tests were ridiculous! They were nothing but another government attempt to exploit us.
Anyways I'm going to stop ranting...
Starberry that's great that you did so well on those papers, we had to write one academic paper on Heart of Darkness... on that one I don't think I did so well :soak: But congratulations again, that's not an easy accomplishment!

[Lush]

aw Anna *wipes tears* I feel as though I've learned a lot from you too. You always present the other side of the situation and help everyone see things from two different angles, I think I'd be a hell of a lot more narrow-minded if we hadn't become friends. So it's mutual then :)
You're right though, high school does open up doors, I just wish it wasn't set up the way it is
hehe WE STILL HAVE TO GO TO SCIENCE WORLD :tounge1:

[Lush]

Actually she is happy now, from what I last saw of her. We became really good friends towards the end of grade 7, I still see her around every now and then, she has this whole attitude thing going on.. which I don't encourage, but after years of being tormented I can understand. I hope she gets far in life, she very well deserves to :)

Sal, I couldn't have said it better myself, the bitter makes the sweet sweeter, and this applies to every aspect of our lives. If we were always happy we'd never appreciate those peak moments of happiness that make life as wonderful as it is :)
So in the end even "bad" plays an important role in contributing to our happiness.