Sep 20, 03
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Funny Check It
Two guys are moving about in a supermarket when their carts
collide...... One says to the other...."Excuse me, but I'm looking for my wife." and the other..."What a coincidence, so am I, and I'm getting a little desperate."..... "Well, maybe I can help you. What does your wife look like?" "She's tall, with dark hair, long legs, big tits, and a tight ass.... What's your wife look like?" "Never mind, let's look for yours :284: 
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Sep 20, 03
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A man in his 40's bought a new BMW and was out on the interstate for a nice evening drive. The top was down, the breeze was blowing through what was left of his hair, and he decided to open her up.
As the needle jumped up to 80 mph, he suddenly saw flashing red and blue lights behind him. There's no way they can catch a BMW," he thought to himself and opened her up further. The needle hit 90, 100.... then the reality of the situation hit him. "What the hell am I doing?" he thought and pulled over. The cop came up to him, took his license without a word, and examined it and the car. "It's been a long day, this is the end of my shift, and it's Friday. I don't feel like more paperwork, so if you can give me an excuse for your driving, that I haven't heard before, you can go.. " The guy thinks for a second and says, "Last week my wife ran off with a cop. I was afraid you were trying to give her back." "Have a nice weekend," said the officer.
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Sep 20, 03
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Aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at an Elingsh uinervtisy, it deosn't
mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoetnt tihng is taht frist and lsat ltteer is at the rghit pclae. The rset can be a toatl mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit porbelm. Tihs is bcuseae we do not raed ervey lteter by it slef but the wrod as a wlohe. Initsereg!!
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Sep 20, 03
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Because I'm Blonde?
A girl came skipping home from school one day. "Mommy, Mommy," she yelled, "we were counting today, and all the other kids could only count to four, but I counted to 10. See? 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10!" "Very good," said her mother. "Is it because I'm blonde?" the girl said. "Yes, it's because you're blonde," said the mommy. The next day the girl came skipping home from school. Mommy, Mommy," she yelled, "we were saying the alphabet today, and all the other kids could only say it to D, but I said it to G. See? A, B, C, D, E, F, G!" "Very good," said her mother. "Is it because I'm blonde, Mommy?" "Yes, it's because you're blonde." The next day the girl came skipping home from school. Mommy, Mommy," she yelled, "we were in gym class today, and when we showered, all the other girls had flat chests, but I have these!" And she lifted her tank top to reveal a pair of 36Cs. "Very good," said her embarrassed mother. "Is it because I'm blonde, mommy?" "No Honey, it's because you're 24."
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Sep 20, 03
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OH! To Be A Man
1. Your ass is never a factor in a job interview. 2. Your orgasms are real. Always. 3. Your last name stays put. 4. The garage is all yours. 5. Wedding plans take care of themselves. 6. You never feel compelled to stop a friend from getting laid. 7. Car mechanics tell you the truth. 8. You don't give a rat's ass if someone notices your new haircut. 9. Hot wax never comes near your pubic area. 10. Same work. More pay. 11. Wrinkles-add character. 12. You don't have to leave the room to make emergency Crotch adjustments. 13. Wedding Dress $2000; Tux rental $100. 14. If you retain water, it's in a canteen. 15. People never glance at your chest when you're talking to them. 16. New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet. 17. One mood, ALL the damn time. 18. Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds. 19. A five-day vacation requires only 1 suitcase. 20. You can open all your own jars. 21. You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness. 22. Your underwear is $10 for a three-pack. 23. If you are 34 and single, nobody notices. 24. You can quietly enjoy a car ride from the passenger's seat. 25. Three pairs of shoes are more than enough. 26. You can quietly watch a game with your buddy for hours without ever thinking "He must be mad at me." 27. No maxi-pads. 28. If another guy shows up at the party in the same outfit, you just migh become lifelong friends. 29. You are not expected to know the names of more than five colors. 30. You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt. 31. You are unable to see wrinkles in clothes. 32. The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades. 33. Your belly usually hides your big hips. 34. One wallet and one pair of shoes, one color, all seasons. 35. You can "do" your nails with a pocketknife. 36. Christmas shopping can be accomplished for 25 relatives, on December 24th, in minutes. 37. The world is your urinal. Ten Things men know for sure about women. 1. 2. 3. 4. 5. 6. 7. 8. 9. 10. They have breasts. Thank you.
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Sep 20, 03
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Q: What is better than winning a medal at the Special
Olympics? A: Not being retarded Q: What is the definition of "making love"? A: Something a woman does while a guy is f*cking her. Q: What do 54,000 abused woman every year have in common? A: They don't fucking listen. Q. What's the difference between acne and a Michael Jackson? A. Acne usually doesn't come on a kid's face until he's at least 13 years old. Q. What do you get when you cross two black people? A. Your ass kicked. Q. What is the difference between a drug dealer and a hooker? A. A hooker can wash her crack and sell it again. Q. What's the height of conceit? A. Having an orgasm and calling out your own name.
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Sep 20, 03
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k this is cool....
1) Go to Google.com; 2) type in (but don't hit return): "weapons of mass destruction"; 3) Hit the "I'm feeling lucky" button, instead of the normal "Google search" button; 4) read the "error message" page carefully-it at first appears to be a normal error message...
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Sep 20, 03
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My boyfriend, not happy with my mood swings, bought me a mood ring the other day so he would be able to monitor my moods.
When I'm in a good mood it turns green. When I'm in a bad mood it leaves a big fuckin' red mark on his forehead. Maybe next time he'll buy me a diamond !!!!
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Sep 21, 03
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*GGLZ* oh too funny :hehe:
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Sep 24, 03
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Three guys were sitting in a biker bar. This man came in, he was already drunk, sat down at the bar and ordered a drink. The man looked around and saw the 3 men sitting at a corner table.
He got up, staggered to the table, leaned over, looked the biggest one in the face and said, "I went by your grandma's house and I saw her in the hallway, buck naked. Man, she is fine!" The biker looked at him and didn't say a word. His buddies were confused, because he was a bad ass, and would fight at the drop of a hat. The drunk leaned on the table again and said, "I got it on with your grandma and she is good, the best I ever had!" The biker still said nothing. His buddies were starting to get mad. The drunk leaned on the table again and said, "I'll tell you something else boy, your grandma liked it!" The biker stood up, took the drunk by the shoulder and said, "Damn it, grandpa, you're drunk. Go home!" 
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Sep 24, 03
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1: go to www.askjeeves.com
2:type in: is jeeves gay? 3:on the next page click ask beside where your question is written 4:is he??? "Actually, I prefer the term jovial."
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