black tears

[junglequeen]

Falling
like smoky ashes, drippy wet charcoal
smudgy and bleak
Drooling
they escape me and I powerless to stop them try to erase their existance
dark, moist, meteor trails
Running
slow at first, now with gathered intensity, racing, then puddling contemplating the leap off my tarred canvas
Berating
and exposing all weakness until I ooze with emotion. Ooze and boil with unrelinquished sentiment
Wishing
for the strength to hurl belongings across the room and quell the beast which claws within me but
Disabled, I cannot begin to show anger.
Controlling
for I am docile with emotion. Overwhelmed by the landslide of feelings that slump over me.
Swimming
in dark salty waters which bubble across my flesh. Each drop draws with its hot dagger the poison of tenderness.
Drowning
choking and spluttering, parched of all energy. Unable to lift my heavy hand to hide the vulgarity of my dismal situation
Falling
like smoky ashes, drippy wet charcoal
smudgy and bleak

[Cdn_Brdr]

I like it although it has the feeling that you looked through a thesaurus to find too many BIG words to fill it up. I had to go to dictionary.com to look up solifluction!

The sentiment is great I just think it'd be better if it was, well for a lack of better words 'dumbed down'. I think that it'd be appreciated more because no one would have to necesarily look up words to understand it. :kimmie:

Still... I like the structure too, very well put together! *thumbs up*

[junglequeen]

its a word from my archaeology class - i liked it
moving without leaving the ground - just in a poetry kinda mood
not a rock fall just a landslide

thanks for the input! :kimmie:

[junglequeen]

ok thats better - yay for editing!

[Cdn_Brdr]

WAY BETTER!!!! It still keeps a great flow to it, it's easier to understand, and you kept that same structure which is so pleasant to read!!!

Good Job!

[KStar]

great !

[junglequeen]

yeah im just pretentious with my vocabulary
oops there i go again flashing the big words

[Ragga_Wh0re]

i liked it was very descriptive

[junglequeen]

i wish i could write happy stuff
im soo jaded

[Ragga_Wh0re]

^hey me too man!!! and u know what thats TOTALLY OOOOOOOOOOOKAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYYYY!!! Happy poetry is usually pretty fucking bunk and id rather stab myself in the eyes repeatedly then read happy poetry:)i dunno i guess i just find melancholy poetry easier to relate to.