diction help!!

[AstroFemme]

okay. so i really love incorporating any sort of quirky metaphors or word play in my writing. i'm kinda stuck on something, and i don't know if i'm actually fucking with the meaning here or what...
the saying "lose all inhibition" means to throw caution to the wind, forget consequence and insecurity, saying "fuckit!!" and going for whatever it is you want.
soooo if i switch it to "i found all inhibition," does that now mean the opposite? am i saying that i reverted back to my insecurities, and i'm letting them stop me from trying? that i've stopped taking risks and following my heart?
i'm writing a piece about writer's block due to being intimidated by other performers, cuz i judge myself so harshly now that i'm trying to live up to their standards....
help!

kim

"because somewhere along the line i started caring about what everyone thought,
and that's where good writing ended.
i found all inhibition and lost my edge.
sources of inspiration became intimidation
and i began designing my words in the shape of other people's mouths.
and to fall "powerfully" on even more faceless ears.
as the days go by, i feel more and more hopeless,
like two lesbians humping each other's legs."