Aug 11, 04
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tell a joke!
tell a joke... any joke...
there is a fat lady, a busty blonde, an american, and a canadian together on a train when it all of a sudden passes thru a tunnel -- everything goes dark, and a slap is heard. as the train comes out of the tunnel the fat lady, the blonde, and the canadian watch as the american holds his cheek dumbfounded. the fat lady thinks: the filthy american put his hands on that blonde and she slapped him in the face! the busty blonde thinks: that american jerk probably tried to grab my ass! but instead grabbed the fat ladys ass and she smacked him! the american thinks: that perverted canadian gone felt up the blonde in the tunnel, must have thought it was me then she hit me! the canadian thinks: hehe i can't wait to go thru another tunnel so i can slap that stupid american in the face again! 
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Aug 12, 04
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A guy is walking down the road pondering how he is going to provide for his family. He stumbles upon a giant wheel of cheese (enough to last his family for months). He picks it up and rushes home.
Excitedly he shows his wife, who asks 'Do you even know what kind of cheese it is?' 'Yes I do' he replied. 'It's NACHO cheese, and I know that because after I picked it up a guy started chasing me saying 'That's NACHO cheese, that's NACHO cheese'!
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Aug 12, 04
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ok so there's this english guy wandering the countryside right.. and he's been walking for a long time.. as he's walking down the street he comes across a house and in the front yard there's a woman in the front yard gardening, he walks up to the little white picket fence surrounding the yard and asks the woman (english accent) "could you by any chance tell me what way to go to the nearest inn?"
kindly she replies, "it's about a half mile down the road, you really can't miss it" "why thank you." said the english man the english man continues his walk... he comes to another house with a woman in front.. he walks up and says to her " tickle your cunt with a feather?" she looks at the man and grabs his hand dragging him inside, now this guy fucks the SHIT outta her.. he comes out and continues his walk.. he gets a few houses down again ans sees another woman.. again he walks up and says "tickle your cunt with a feather?" she looks at him and replies... "what did you say sir?" ... "i said, typical country weather?" she looks at the sky and says " ahh yes it is nice out".. struck with rejection the man continues his walk.. he finally comes up to the inn and goes into the pub.. there's a bunch of people in the bar.. he looks around and takes his place at the bar.. the bartender brings him his ale, and he pays the bartender.. he finishes off his beer and finds a nice young lady at the end of the bar, he approaches her and says "tickle your cunt with a feather?" they go upstairs and get it on.. he comes back down stairs and works his magic a few more times... the hole time this native man sitting in the corner was watching this english gent having his way with just about every woman in the place... after the english man comes back downstairs, the native man approaches the gent and asks (chug voice) "how do you get the women like that?.. you have slept with my sister and my cousin, not only that, you fukked half the rest of the bar"... the gent replies.. "well you see, all i do is use the english language to my advantage.. here, for example, tickle your cunt with a feather, sounds like typical country weather.. so if i ask them, tickle your cunt with a feather?.. and they get offended i can say typical country weather.. here, i'll go and do it again, and you watch then you try, alright?" stunned with this new idea.. the native man says ok.. the gent goes back to the bar and picks up another woman.. goes upstairs and gets it on.. then comes back downstairs and says to the native man "ok now it's your turn." the native man walks up to a nice looking young woman at the bar and says to her. in his half drunk native tounge.. "can i jab your cunt with a stick?." she looks at him with absolute disgust and replies? "what in gods name did you just say?"... the native replies.. "looks like rain"
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Aug 12, 04
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Quote:
ok. Q- Where does the general keep his armies? A- In his sleevies!! har har har In
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Aug 12, 04
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There was this businessman who was getting ready to go on a long business trip. He knew his wife was a flirtatious sort, so he thought he'd try to get her something to keep her occupied while he was gone, because he didn't much like the idea of her screwing someone else. So he went to a store that sold sex toys and started looking around. He thought about a life-sized sex doll, but that was too close to another man for him. He was browsing through the dildos, looking for something special to please his wife, and started talking to the old man behind the counter. He explained his situation. The old man said, "Well, I don't really know of anything that will do the trick. We have vibrating dildos, special attachments, and so on, but I don't know of anything that will keep her occupied for weeks, except.... and he stopped. "Except what?" the man asked. "Nothing, nothing." "C'mon, tell me! I need something!" "Well, sir, I don't usually mention this, but there is the 'voodoo dick.'" "So what's up with this voodoo dick?" he asked.
The old man reached under the counter, and pulled out an old wooden box carved with strange symbols. He opened it and there lay a very ordinary-looking dildo. The businessman laughed, and said "Big fucking deal. It looks like every other dildo in this shop!" The old man replied, "But you haven't seen what it'll do yet." He pointed to a door and said "Voodoo dick, the door." The voodoo dick rose out of its box, darted over to the door, and started screwing the keyhole. The whole door shook with the vibrations, and a crack developed down the middle. Before the door could split, the old man said "Voodoo dick, get back in your box!" The voodoo dick stopped, floated back to the box and lay there quiescent once more. "I'll take it!" said the businessman. The old man resisted, saying it wasn't for sale, but he finally surrendered to $700 in cash. The guy took it home to his wife, told her it was a special dildo and that to use it, all she had to do was say "Voodoo dick, my pussy." He left for his trip satisfied that things would be fine while he was gone. After he'd been gone a few days, the wife was unbearably horny. She thought of several people who would willingly satisfy her, but then she remembered the voodoo dick. She got it out, and said "Voodoo dick, my pussy!" The voodoo dick shot to her crotch and started pumping. It was great, like nothing she'd ever experienced before. After three orgasms, she decided she'd had enough, and tried to pull it out, but it was stuck in her, still thrusting. She tried and tried to get it out, but nothing worked. Her husband had forgotten to tell her how to shut it off. So she decided to go to the hospital to see if they could help. She put her clothes on, got in the car and started to drive to the hospital, quivering with every thrust of the dildo. On the way, another orgasm nearly made her swerve off the road, and she was pulled over by a policeman. He asked for her license, and then asked how much she'd had to drink. Gasping and twitching, she explained that she hadn't been drinking, but that a voodoo dick was stuck in her pussy, and wouldn't stop screwing. The officer looked at her for a second, and then said "Yeah, right.. Voodoo dick, my ass!"
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Aug 12, 04
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Another one:
A Canadian, American and East Indian are running from the cops, looking everywhere for a place to hide, and they come across an old barn, so they all run in and notice a bunch of potato sacks on the ground, so they each hop in one of the sacks and lay down. The police barge into the barn and coulden't find the men, but they did notice some objects on the ground in potato sacks The one officer kicks a sack - and the Canadian replies "Meow! Meow!" "Stupid Cat" Says the officer. The other officer kicks a sack - and the American replies "Woof! Woof!" "Stupid Dog" Says the officer. Then the police officer kicks the sack with the east indian in it and he replies "POTAAAYTO."
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Aug 12, 04
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Quote:
omg golden!!!! i love this one
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Aug 12, 04
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theres a woman sitting beside a pool and she has no arms and no legs and she sees this hot guy walk by so she starts to sob a bit and then he comes over and is like "mam what's wrong?"
the ladie:" oh ive never been hugged before" so he bends down and gives her a hug...then he starts to walk away then she sees him walking away and then she starts to cry a bit more now then he comes back and goes " what's wrong now?" then she says "oh ive never been kissed before" so he bends down and gives her a kiss...then he starts to walk away again then she starts to ball her eyes out and then the guy comes back and goes " now what's wrong?!" she says: "oh ive never been fucked before" so then the guy picks her up throws her into the pool and goes "NOW UR FUCKED!"
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Aug 12, 04
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Quote:
When does Micheal Jackson like to go shopping? ... when boys pants are half off
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