/Title: To Julia.

[sungoo]

When I cast mine eyes onto thee
to my heart I make but one plea
'O, dear soul, do not escape me.
for this vision may set thee free.

I have chose to glance, not to stare
even at a beauty so fair,
for such a sight so strong, so rare
consumes all mine heart with despair.

softly to me, her smile doth shine
but so often, these eyes of mine
see men with sins from chaos dine
upon thy beauty so divine

I will protect thee, hold thee near
for to myself thou art so dear
all these things, I wish thee to hear
so I may not love thee in fear.

- me

[sungoo]

To be honest, I just want to know if the rhymes sound forced.
any criticism would be appreciated.

[Ragga_Wh0re]

mmmm no,not really.

i like this piece it sounds like its written by shakespeare cuz of all the old world words n shtuff.

[junglequeen]

When I cast mine eyes onto thee
to my heart I make but one plea
'O, dear soul, do not escape me.
for this vision may set thee free.

i dont find this stanza to flow like the rest of it

I will protect thee, hold thee near
for to myself thou art so dear
all these things, I wish thee to hear
so I may not love thee in fear.

soo much thee

all in all im impressed
your brave to work with old english
:)

[sNyx]

yeah ace work mate, nice peice

[sungoo]

thanks for the reply.
:)