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New Element Discovered
NEW ELEMENT DISCOVERED
A major research institution has recently announced the discovery of the heaviest chemical element yet known to science. The new element has been tentatively named "Governmentium."
Governmentium has one neutron, 12 assistant neutrons, 75 deputy neutrons, and 11 assistant deputy neutrons, giving it an atomic mass of 312. These 312 particles are hald together by forces called morons which are surrounded by vast quantities of lepton-like particles called peons. Since Governmentium has no electrons, it is inert. However, it can be detected as it impedes every reaction with which it comes in contact. A minute amount of Governmentium causes one reaction to take over four days to complete when it would normally take less than a second.
When catylized with money, Governmentium becomes "Administratium," an element which radiates just as much energy since it has half as many peons but twice as many morons.
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Jun 29, 05
