my boss is likely to issue this to me

[Ms.Tarantula]

FOUL LANGUAGE AT WORK

It has been brought to management's attention that some individuals throughout the group have been using foul language during the course of normal conversation with their co-workers. Due to complaints received from some employees who may be easily offended, this type of language will be no longer tolerated.

We do however, realize the critical importance of being able to accurately express your feelings when communicating with co-workers, therefore, a list of "TRY SAYING" new phrases has been provided so that proper exchange of ideas and information can continue in an effective manner without risk of offending our more sensitive employees.

SO:

TRY SAYING: Perhaps I can work late.
INSTEAD OF: When the fuck do you expect me to do this?

TRY SAYING: I'm certain that is not feasible.
INSTEAD OF: No fucking way!!

TRY SAYING: Really?
INSTEAD OF: You've got to be shitting me?

TRY SAYING: Perhaps you should check with...
INSTEAD OF: Tell someone who gives a shit.

TRY SAYING: Of course I'm concerned.
INSTEAD OF: Ask me if I give a shit.

TRY SAYING: I wasn't involved in the project.
INSTEAD OF: It's not my fucking problem.

TRY SAYING: That's interesting.
INSTEAD OF: What the fuck?!?!

TRY SAYING: I'm not sure I can implement this.
INSTEAD OF: Fuck it, it won't work.

TRY SAYING: I'll try to schedule that.
INSTEAD OF: Why the hell didn't you tell me sooner?

TRY SAYING: Are you sure this is a problem?
INSTEAD OF: Who the hell cares?

TRY SAYING: He's not familiar with the problem.
INSTEAD OF: He's hasn't got a fucking clue.

TRY SAYING: Excuse me sir?
INSTEAD OF: Eat shit and die motherfucker.

TRY SAYING: So you weren't happy with it?
INSTEAD OF: Sucked in fuckwit.

TRY SAYING: I'm a bit overloaded at this moment.
INSTEAD OF: Fuck it, I'm on salary.

TRY SAYING: I don't think you understand.
INSTEAD OF: Shove it up your ass!

TRY SAYING: I love a challenge.
INSTEAD OF: This job sucks.

TRY SAYING: You want me to take care of that?
INSTEAD OF: Who the hell died and made you boss?

TRY SAYING: I see.
INSTEAD OF: Blow me.

TRY SAYING: Yes, we really should discuss it.
INSTEAD OF: Another fucking meeting!!!

TRY SAYING: I don't think this will be a problem.
INSTEAD OF: I really don't give a shit.

TRY SAYING: He's somewhat insensitive.
INSTEAD OF: He's a fucking prick.

TRY SAYING: She's an aggressive go getter.
INSTEAD OF: She's a ball busting bitch.

TRY SAYING: I think you could use more training.
INSTEAD OF: You don't know what the fuck you're doing.

[tiedye]

hahahaha. fuck that's hilarious

I don't think I could ever work at your company. I try to hold off on the swearing, but sarcasm and cursing takes up a large part of my dialect. Luckily for me my buddy is my manager now, and he's one sick and twisted fuck. He actually encourages that kind of behaviour when there aren't any customers around, so long as it's not directed at anyone who would actually complain. . . it's pretty much open season though.

serously funny post.

[baby-phat]

Haha.. me and my younger brother used to use some of those 'alternative' sayings instead years ago. Funny ish. :)

[mapleleaf4ever]

Dear God... ever worked Construction or on the Ramp?

The language at my work would make a Sailor blush. Especially from me when I smash my Hand or other appendage.

[Ray!]

that was funnny but proffesionalism is important
if there is one place you should behave it's work

especially if your in ownership or management position,
because your the captain of the ship and if your not being responsible, the ship will sink and it's your fault!!!

(just a little metaphore my dad taught me)

[sidekick]

Originally Posted by tiedye

hahahaha. fuck that's hilarious

TRY SAYING: "Why, yes, I found that anecdote to be quite humorous"
INSTEAD OF: "Fuck that's hilarious"

[Ms.Tarantula]

that was funnny but proffesionalism is important
if there is one place you should behave it's work

my supervisors swear alot too.. when the manager isnt around.. which is all the time :)