I Am Pretty Sure We Should Be Dating Soon, I Mean

[impure]

fucking rights i love craigslist, i found this gem a few days ago.


"I was thinking about how awesome I was the other day. And again today. Then I started thinking about all the things I've done and accomplished. Not to mention my rugged good looks. It's just so great. For example...

I am a dynamic figure, often seen scaling walls and crushing ice. I have been known to remodel train stations on my lunch breaks, making them more efficient in the area of heat retention. I write award-winning operas, I manage time efficiently. Occasionally, I tread water for three days in a row.

Isn't that insane. Crazy I know.

Also: I have a barbecue on my back deck, and I am smart enough to have a spare propane tank. That way, when I have a dinner party, we won't be totally screwed if I run out of fuel. Also, I won't have to keep checking the tank thinking, "hmmm I wonder..... gettin' pretty light!"

See? I get stuff.

I woo women with my sensuous trombone playing, I can pilot bicycles up severe inclines with unflagging speed, and I cook Thirty-Minute Brownies in twenty minutes. I am an expert in stucco, a veteran in love, and an outlaw in Peru.

If you see any agents from Peru, don't tell them I am here. They are trying to get my copy of the last manuscript.

No matter what girl does or says, I know that they must at all times be perceived as "innocent". Because if they were to act naughty.. HEY.. it's not THEIR fault!

You can drive into Mexico without stopping. There are no border guards. I am seriously not joking.

Margarine is the worst possible thing you could put in your body.

Once, in the US, I made out with 10 chicks in one night. I think that's my record. I dunno though.. I was pretty wasted. They were all hot.

Maybe you're next?

Email me with a pic and something witty right now ok hun? "
THIS IS THE LINK TO THE ORIGINAL AD.
I Am Pretty Sure We Should Start Dating Soon. I Mean, I'm Irresistable

[mapleleaf4ever]

HAHAHA wow...

[esoter1c]

Juan ?

[SEAN!]

pathological narcissim is pretty funny, you should look up aleksay vayner on google

[galaxie]

Most of that stuff is stolen from a supposed college application letter:

The author of this essay, Hugh Gallagher, now attends NYU

3A. ESSAY IN ORDER FOR THE ADMISSIONS STAFF OF OUR COLLEGE TO GET TO KNOW YOU, THE APPLICANT, BETTER, WE ASK THAT YOU ANSWER THE FOLLOWING QUESTION: ARE THERE ANY SIGNIFICANT EXPERIENCES YOU HAVE HAD, OR ACCOMPLISHMENTS YOU HAVE REALIZED, THAT HAVE HELPED TO DEFINE YOU AS A PERSON?

I am a dynamic figure, often seen scaling walls and crushing ice. I have been known to remodel train stations on my lunch breaks, making them more efficient in the area of heat retention. I translate ethnic slurs for Cuban refugees, I write award-winning operas, I manage time efficiently. Occasionally, I tread water for three days in a row.

I woo women with my sensuous and godlike trombone playing, I can pilot bicycles up severe inclines with unflagging speed, and I cook Thirty-Minute Brownies in twenty minutes. I am an expert in stucco, a veteran in love, and an outlaw in Peru.

Using only a hoe and a large glass of water, I once single-handedly defended a small village in the Amazon Basin from a horde of ferocious army ants. I play bluegrass cello, I was scouted by the Mets, I am the subject of numerous documentaries. When I'm bored, I build large suspension bridges in my yard.

I enjoy urban hang gliding. On Wednesdays, after school, I repair electrical appliances free of charge.

I am an abstract artist, a concrete analyst, and a ruthless bookie. Critics worldwide swoon over my original line of corduroy evening wear. I don't perspire. I am a private citizen, yet I receive fan mail. I have been caller number nine and have won the weekend passes. Last summer I toured New Jersey with a traveling centrifugal-force demonstration. I bat .400. My deft floral arrangements have earned me fame in international botany circles. Children trust me.

I can hurl tennis rackets at small moving objects with deadly accuracy. I once read Paradise Lost, Moby Dick, and David Copperfield in one day and still had time to refurbish an entire dining room that evening. I know the exact location of every food item in the supermarket. I have performed several covert operations for the CIA. I sleep once a week; when I do sleep, I sleep in a chair. While on vacation in Canada, I successfully negotiated with a group of terrorists who had seized a small bakery. The laws of physics do not apply to me.

I balance, I weave, I dodge, I frolic, and my bills are all paid. On weekends, to let off steam, I participate in full-contact origami. Years ago I discovered the meaning of life but forgot to write it down. I have made extraordinary four course meals using only a mouli and a toaster oven. I breed prizewinning clams. I have won bullfights in San Juan, cliff-diving competitions in Sri Lanka, and spelling bees at the Kremlin. I have played Hamlet, I have performed open-heart surgery, and I have spoken with Elvis.

But I have not yet gone to college.

[Revolver]

Originally Posted by esoter1c

Juan ?

busted!:weird:

[GSG9]

I woo women with my sensuous trombone playing, I can pilot bicycles up severe inclines with unflagging speed, and I cook Thirty-Minute Brownies in twenty minutes. I am an expert in stucco, a veteran in love, and an outlaw in Peru.

If you see any agents from Peru, don't tell them I am here. They are trying to get my copy of the last manuscript.



HAHA thats awesome. proper respect to the real author, whomever that may be.