I posted this to teach you all a valuable lesson, so you will never wonder why russians drink like crazy ass motherfuckers, that we are.
Drink Like… The Russians
Boris Yeltsin
According to a new study, two thirds of Russian men die drunk. In the 500 years or so that vodka has been around, the Russians have developed quite a taste for the stuff. In fact they love it so much that about 45% of the male population is alcoholic.
Their previous president Boris Yeltsin was so enamoured with the clean clear spirit that its influence led to him engaging in all sorts of drunken tomfoolery, from dancing with a Siberian
Abba tribute band to pissing on American airport runways. On a slightly more sour note, it is alleged that he was pissed when he gave the order to invade Chechnya...
So, why do the Russians drink so much, and how did they find themselves on this slippery boozy slope? In the days before vodka, the only drinks on offer were beer and honey wine. Celebration only occurred occasionally, usually at births or funerals.
Vodka was invented during the Middle Ages, and its original purpose was as a medicine. Used to make infusions of herbs and spices, its properties included antiseptic qualities and the obvious pain relieving powers.
After a while vodka became more of a social drink, and Ivan the Terrible (for it was he) founded drinking houses called
kabaks, which provided a place for the common people to, well, get sloshed. The upper classes were instructed to drink at home, and artists were apparently denied the pleasure entirely (
If only the same rule could be applied to that snaggle-toothed hag Tracey Emin. Ed).
The successful reign and campaigns of Peter the Great over the 17th and 18th centuries led to much celebration, and vodka was the preferred celebratory beverage. This took (and still does) the form of toasting. Someone announces a toast to someone in particular, and the guests respond by downing a shot of vodka.
As soon as a bottle is finished it must be removed from the table and replaced with another. It is quite common for staggeringly impressive quantities to be consumed over the course of a meal; luckily, the cuisine of Russia is well suited, providing plenty of bulk to soak up the alcohol.
Even when the Russians aren't celebrating, they're often drinking. Russian businessmen speak of it being fairly common for high level meetings to be lubricated by Armenian brandy, which is often added to the coffee pot before serving. No escape for anyone then…
Because of the huge demand for vodka in Russia (currently hovering around 15 litres per year per person averaged across the whole population) a large proportion of vodka production is illegal, and the quality of this product is far from appealing. In fact, a high proportion of vodka related deaths are down to methanol poisoning from moonshine vodka. The next biggest killer is probably hypothermia - make sure you don't pass out on a Moscow street in winter, as you probably don't wake up!
So, if you want to drink like a Russian how should you go about it? The simple answer would be to consume everything you can get your hands on, and then some. A more pleasant approach might be to adopt the vodka toasting during a meal; although a Russian family might get through a few bottles, at least this technique is somewhat self-regulating, in that when everyone starts to get wrecked the number of toasts per minute should gradually fall.
However, if you really want to understand what it means to be a Russian drinker I suggest you purloin some pepper vodka, a strong-stomached friend and 2 glasses, and get to work…
Jul 12, 04
