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Jul 22, 04
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actually you know what, I'll just post them here. Gives me something to do at work! hehe
Hey gossips... Man - you guys LOVE Guess the Ass! Answers: 97% of you correctly answered the first butt mystery. Did the tattoo, kaballah string, and pink skirt give it away? Yes, it was Britney. Yes, even America's pop princess has cellulite. Feel better? The second bum stumped most of you...save two. Much respect to Caroline W's law firm colleague (sorry, I don't know your name!!) and Mrs. Blanchard For correctly guessing none other than Lara Flynn Boyle. Indeed. Even anorexics have cottage cheese!! See attached of Ms. Boyle from the front, on the beach in Malibu this weekend. It would appear that Hollywood's most notorious stick insect is actually back to eating once a week. Look, don't get me wrong - she is far from healthy...and certainly has a way to go...but compared to what she used to look like, this is downright chubby!   OK, on to today's items...Mrs. Pitt's new gift... and a little bump??? UK tabloids are reporting that Brad has purchased a wonderfully extravagant gift for his lame ass wife. Her name is a Kalizma and she is an historic yacht worth US$5 million that once belonged to Elizabeth Taylor who in turn received it as a gift from the love of her life Richard Burton. Back in the day, they were considered Hollywood King and Queen. Therefore, in a boldly conceited gesture, Mr. Pitt has chosen to follow in the same romantic footsteps - believing that he and his snoreworthy spouse are the modern day counterparts to Liz and Dick. Jennifer Aniston and Elizabeth Taylor? In the same sentence? Get the f*ck outta here! Anyway, what makes this even more interesting is that gossips actually believe this is a celebration present from Brad to Jen for her pregnancy. If you look at this recent photo - taken yesterday in LA - Jen seems to be hiding her tummy, and in the close up shot, it actually looks like there is a little bulge underneath the belt. (By the way, what an ugly ensemble! Purple slip dress with a brown belt and flip flops???) Could a Mini Pitt be on the way? Or is that just - gasp! - an after dinner belly??? Don't hold your breath ya'll. Remember, this is a woman who was chain smoking just last week. Besides, she's been nominated for an Emmy. Honestly...do you really think Ms. Vain Fraud would appear at an awards show looking less than emaciated? Dream on Brad. Dream on. You want a baby maker? Go for Zeta. That girl's begging to be fertilised by someone under 75.   Courteney's post preggers weight loss See attached of new mom Courteney Cox on the beach with her dog. Looks Like that baby weight is just melting right off. Bitch.  The Bryants Hands down. The reigning "Cutest Celebrity Child" has to be Ava Philippe, daughter of Reese & Ryan...the most adorable little girl in Hollywood. Having said that, Natalia Bryant...Kobe's spawn...is coming in a close second. See attached of Kobe's wife Vanessa and little Natalia at an event this weekend. Please don't get me started on his wife. You'd think with all that blackmail cash at her disposal she could get herself some decent hair, makeup, and clothing.  David Runs Man...I miss the Beckhams. The world's most self aggrandizing couple have been in hiding for weeks, trying to make another baby. Thank Allah for the paparazzi, who have managed to snap a photo of David out for a run, keeping that chiselled, horny lookin' body up to standard. Here's your Tuesday treat. David sweating, muscles rippling...enjoy.  A Lopez sighting Hard to believe but La Lopez has actually been keeping a low profile since marrying Count Anthony. At first we all thought she was trying to hide the baby bump...but from these recent pics, taken over the weekend, it would appear that J.Lo is NOT preggers. In the latest issue of People Magazine, her trainer reveals that she's been working out as hard as ever and from what he can see, her abs are as flat as they've always been. Which brings me to the most baffling question of all. If she's not pregnant, does this mean she actually married for love?  Nicole in NYC See attached of a funky looking Nicole Kidman leaving Cipriani's. I love this girl. When will George come to his senses and see things my way?  Star & Al The View co-host Star Jones and her fiance Al just might the most annoying engaged couple like ever. First of all, there's that ridiculous wedding website - www.starandal.com (enter your email address and be prepared to vomit all over your keyboard). Even more absurd is Al himself. See attached of the sickening couple this weekend at some swanky polo event in the Hamptons. This man is gayer than Tom Cruise. And as the President of my local Fag Hag Chapter, I assure you I have nothing but love and adoration for any man who knows the difference between Christian Louboutin and Jimmy Choo. Which is why I feel so offended when a real man hides his pride. So if Star really wants to marry this dude, she better get him a straight-over...stat. Cuz he ain't foolin' no one.  Kevin meets the parents So if you're Kevin Federline and you've hit like the biggest jackpot in Hollywood hell...and Britney Spears inexplicably wants to marry a loser Like you...what would you wear to meet her father? Would you at least shave, take a shower, and throw on a clean shirt? Maybe a pair of decent pants that don't hang off your ass? Is this asking for too much? Evidently...yes. You see, Kevin had lunch with mama and papa Spears on Sunday...and this is what he decided to put on. Pretty much the same old sh*t he's worn for the last 2 months. Now if you're Britney's father - a volatile Southerner - would this impress you? Or would you grab your shotgun and run this fool off your driveway???  that's it for me... e 
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Jul 22, 04
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Yaayyy something fun to read while at work!! You rock Michelle! :D :D
I'm gonna read it all then comment on everything haha
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Jul 22, 04
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Oh my gosh...Lara Flynn Boyle..actually looking healthy?!??! :O
Shieett I wish someone would buy me a $5 million yacht! and I don't think she's preggers...she has a few movies that she's going to be filming pretty soon(if she hasn't started already!) and a pregnancy would totally interfere! Woowwooo sexxyyyy Beckham. :D Aww J-Lo and Nicole look so good!! Unlike Titney Spears...that chick and her hubby to be look like total trash. Such a shame...she used to be so pretty :( 4 hours left of work wooo :p
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Jul 22, 04
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Yeah post them all!! It's so quiet here today! :)
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Jul 22, 04
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Lainey's Entertainment Update - July 13, 2004
Hey gossips...
Slow ass coupla days in la la land.... here are today's items... Britney's downward spiral Just when you thought she hit rock bottom...here we go again. This however is a new low. See attached of Britney and Kevin, hanging out in Malibu...It's the middle of the afternoon and Brit is throwin' back a minibar sized bottle of whisky. Real classy. Wanna know what she's eating these days? Look closely. There's a cheetos bag, some Lays...and of course a Red Bull, tucked under her arm. No wonder she's looking slack and zitty. Who wouldn't! By the way...this is how their little outing unfolded. First, they went to some burger joint for some fries. Then it was Subway for sandwiches, chips, and junk food. Finally, it was a stop to the liquor store where Britney picked up the whisky shot and chased it with Red Bull. Man... what a waste of a life....and, more importantly, a waste of a FOINE body. Here's an ode to the good ol' days...when Britney was just a tarty pop princess, using her body to sell records. I'd take her any day over the Britney she's become. Trashy, oily, and cheap as all stank.    Christina the political - WARNING: image attached might be disturbing... As you know, it's an election year in America. Which means that the Deppest bandwagon to hop on is the Vote boat... Every celebrity from Barbra to Ben will be shoving their political opinions down our throats until November. And even the most unlikeliest of starlets and poplets are jumping on the lobby brigade. See attached of Christina Aguilera, in an ad for Declare Yourself, shot by avante garde photographer David Lachappelle. Freaky, yes. Effective? You tell me. Shout me your opinions. I look forward to it.  Reese as June See attached of an absolutely adorable Reese Witherspoon playing June Carter Cash in the upcoming biopic Walk the Line. I can't wait to see this movie! Joaquin Phoenix as Johnny Cash - how perfect is that??? Oh and here's a little known fact...Reese took the role because June Carter Cash asked specifically that Reese be offered the part. How flattering is that??!!! Kirsten Dunst...looking good She is everywhere lately...on a huge publicity tour for Spidey. Kudos to her stylist because, as much as I hate to admit it, she is looking fantastic. See attached of KD in London and Madrid. Her hair, grown out a little, is super cute. And her shoes! This girl has great shoes! I especially love the adorable white dress from the British premiere. It's age appropriate, it's flattering, and it's pretty damn funky. Grudgingly, I would have to say Kirsten is emerging as a young fashion maverick. She's never boring (hello Mrs. Pitt)...she's never slutty (hello Paris?)...and she's always unique. Sure, she might screw up once in a while but there is something to be said for not playing it safe over and over. Is Ms. Dunst the new Cate Blanchett? (minus the acting chops of course??) Or is there another Hollywood starlet who can rival her style sense?   Woah Lindsay! Lindsay Lohan has breast issues. See attached of the newly minted 18 year old on the way to her par-tay. Those things aren't just enormous...they are obscene! And for Christ's sake, she needs a friggin' hammock to hold 'em in! Lindsay honey... invest in a bra sweetheart. Otherwise, those babies are going to be dragging on the ground by the time you're 25.  Marky Mark bulks up From the looks of this recent photo, Marky Mark is back on the juice. I've never really understood what all the fuss is about when it comes to this dude. He's a thug beefcake! And he ain't all that pretty either! In fact... I would argue he's almost ugly. The poor man's Matt Damon. And you have to wonder...how vain he must be to sacrifice c*ck size for his biceps... Which is probably the same predicament Brad Pitt has found himself in - and that, combined with his phony baloney Aniston's reluctance to make babies, is proving to be a perfect recipe for infertility. That brings me back to Marky. How the hell did he manage to father a child while taking all those sperm killers? Do we smell a scandal my fellow super sleuths? Did the fertilizer come from a borrowed source? Is that why he won't marry his baby mother??? Hmmmm... very plausible...very plausible indeed.  that's it for me... e
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Jul 22, 04
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Lainey's Entertainment Update - July 14, 2004
Ola smuthounds...
Thanks for your responses re: Christina's new "get out the vote" ad campaign. As usual, you were pretty evenly split in terms of what you think of its effectiveness. For the record, I think it's pretty damn brilliant. Dig the imagery - and its message. But then again, I'm a pop culture junkie...who am I to say what's really artistically groundbreaking??? Anyway, short column today as it's only been a day in between. Wanted to attach the Reese photo that I blanked on yesterday...and also report on a few interesting tidbits that have popped up in the last 24...  Here are today's items... The Lopez Curse She might be gorgeous, and she might have the most rockin' ass in the biz...but I daresay she's a bit of a hex when it comes to bringing good fortune upon her men. And you know what my mother would say to that? Welly welly bad luck! Rewind to her relationship with Diddy. They hit the club, one thing leads to another... someone gets shot, they escape in his Escalade...he gets arrested, and is subsequently tried, and acquitted - by the skin of his Gucci pants. Not exactly what I called a blessed union. Fast forward to the present. She hooks up with Vampire Anthony, they get married, he plants his seed - not necessarily in that order - and he releases a new album ... which proceeds to bomb like a moe foe on the charts. And then...the lastest evidence of a J.Lo jinx... Ben Affleck, whose career has taken a possibly fatal blow since the spectacle that was Bennifer, has just been dropped from what was supposed to be his comeback project, Glory Road. The studio is citing scheduling conflicts... but most insiders report that the two sides couldn't reach a deal because producers didn't think Ben is currently worth his asking price. So...they're going for someone cheaper. Which means that Ben...considered a major motion picture actor, has NO work on his plate. Nothing. Nada. Rien. Even Tara Reid has work! So... is this coincidence or conspiracy? Is there a Lopez curse????? Not sure... but I have to admit my dirty secret...I kinda miss the Bennifer. Don't you??? In honour of their long lost love, I attach a photo of them at the height of their togetherness. Oscars 2003. Enjoy!  Jennifer Aniston goes for an upgrade I love British tabs. If there is a hint, a smidge of something foul goin' on, you can bet your boob job they'll be right there to sniff it out for us. Our friends across the pond are reporting that Ms. oh-so-natural-unpretentious-I'm-not-obsessed-with-my-looks Jennifer Aniston visited a plastic surgeon's office a coupla days ago. And left FIVE HOURS later through a back door. Not surprisingly, she hasn't been seen since. The Lasky clinic specialises in lipo, collagen, botox, and laser surgery...and so I thought it would be fun for us to surmise as to what exactly Mrs. Pitt had done. Was it a little animal injection in the forehead or around the mouth to keep her ordinary face wrinkle free? Or could she have put on some weight during her sojourn in Europe and paid a friendly visit to suck some of the French butter out of her arse? For 5 longs hours, she probably hit two or three birds with one stone. A little lipo, some collagen, and some botox...all in a day's work. See?? This girl is the biggest fraud of them all. Period. Cam & JT coming to an end?? Are you there Gossip Goddess? It's me...Lainey. Please let US Magazine be right. Please let it be true that Cam and JT are going their separate ways. Please shine your light on Jussy and inspire him to reunite with Britney. Please give him - and his bodyguard - the strength to overpower her stinky fiance and then win her back with an a cappella rendition of Girlfriend. Then, please ask him to slap her silly and bring her to her senses. Please let them rekindle their adorable affair and save us all from the trashy hellion she has become. Please Goddess. In the name of the scandal, the smut, and the sleaze...please help him help her. Peace out.  Britney at the pool By the way, here she is... at the Four Seasons, lounging by the pool and showing off a very dark tan. Goggles aside, she actually looks quite fetching. I wonder if she knows that Justin's on his way....  and that's it for me... e
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Jul 23, 04
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Errrwww Dunst and Lohan. My two most hated celebs. Nasty :P
And Sal they're great! You did such a good job. Thanks again :)
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