Taking his last name

[C_squared]

Originally Posted by Ashley*Dawn

I think that's crap.
Why don't you take your wifes name?. If your girlfriend didn't want to take your last name would you still marry her?, or would that make you think about it more.
I think the expectation to take the man's name is still all about him feeling like he's got all the power. If you want to take it go for it. If you want yours and his great, if you just keep your's who freaking cares. Love doesn't worry about a name.

that's an adorable insight, thx.

but i guess i left out the main reason why i would be offended if she did not take my last name. my dad was the only male out of 4 siblings and I am the only male out of 2 siblings so I would like to carry on my name. however, i wouldn't frown upon the idea of hyphenating both our last names.

[prozac]

^you have two last names, don't you? Why not carry on that tradition with your kids?

[C_squared]

Originally Posted by prozac

^you have two last names, don't you? Why not carry on that tradition with your kids?

yeah that's true, which is why i would not shun the idea.

[Vitamin-X]

Originally Posted by C_squared

that's an adorable insight, thx.

but i guess i left out the main reason why i would be offended if she did not take my last name. my dad was the only male out of 4 siblings and I am the only male out of 2 siblings so I would like to carry on my name. however, i wouldn't frown upon the idea of hyphenating both our last names.

That's why I'm glad I have brothers.
It's all about Redundancy, even if some of us die or don't sire children
the name lives on.

[diva]

For all the men in this thread who want their names to live on after they die...

Do something memorable with your lives other than being a sperm donor and your names will surely live on.

[Mista Fitz]

^^ awesome ^^

[ebbomega]

Originally Posted by cubed

if you can't respect the beans, who can you respect?

... the chick with the adam's apple?

[thechix0r]

I think changing your name is somewhat symbolic now a days as opposed to being a sense of property. I would change my name over in most circumstances, my last name doesn't really have any meaning to me because it's my dad, and he didn't raise me, my mom did. I would take my sweetie's name if it came down to it...

If I really hated the last name, I would keep my own or dash it at the end... but the kids would definitely have their father's name. I think that's the way it should be in that case.

It's all about personal choice, even though I voted that you should take the man's name, that's just my personal choice

[galaxie]

Maybe I should go for the rock-paper-scissors compromise...lol

[tiedye]

As long as our son has my name, I'm happy. I am all for her keeping her own name if that is her desire.

[Roxxie]

what if your kid has both last names??

[tiedye]

Then we have more than one kid. I want the Green name to carry on. It's my duty to my forefathers.

[Ree Fresh]

Originally Posted by Cdn_Brdr

There's only one thing that I disagree with and funny enough I actually heard the other day on the radio that the odds of this happening are dropping SIGNIFICANTLY!

HYPHENATING

According to this little tidbit on the radio the instances of hyphenating are drastically dropping because of the fact that it's getting out of hand. Basically what they were saying is that in a few more years we're gonna have people out there with ludicrous 3 or 4 name hyphenations. Mom hyphenates and the kids name is name-name.... then kids marries and hyphenates (name-name-name) AM I THE ONLY ONE WHO THINKS THAT THIS CAN TURN OUT REALLY KIND OF RIDICULOUS!?!?!?!

I think its more of an issue with the wife and her own blood/birth name more than trying to pass it onto the kids. Although I would appreciate my kids carrying on my near extinct name or just my husband hyphenating... I would prefer my kids to have just one name and let them choose.

[Ree Fresh]

Originally Posted by galaxie

Maybe I should go for the rock-paper-scissors compromise...lol

I think you would be better of telling your man.. "I always get what I want... so give it up while you can"


Kenny, how Scottish is 'Grant'... oh and theres no "d" at the end!

[stephen_c]

take my last name as is, no hyphen, or marry someone else.

however, if his surname is unflattering like "focker", "ho", etc then she's off the hook.

[stringbeans]

Originally Posted by ebbomega

... the chick with the adam's apple?

the dude in drag?

[kiMMie]

In my tradition, it's customary for the "wife" to keep her last name, and any children would take on the "husband's" last name.

I'm not too sure what I want to do just yet. I think it would be more of a comprised decision for both people in respects to each other and their families.

[miss.myra]

Originally Posted by diva

For all the men in this thread who want their names to live on after they die...

Do something memorable with your lives other than being a sperm donor and your names will surely live on.

Yuh!


on a side note, from having this discussion with some coworkers the other day and from reading some replies, I think it's really weird people put serious thought into this and start seeing if their name works well with their partner's when some of them are not even close to engaged, or even a year of a serious realtionship. I'm sure if their s/o's found out they were thinking that way they'd probably flip out.

Maybe I'm just old fashioned because it's not something I have honestly ever really thought about or seriously considered (obviously my original reply was a joke), I'm sure a looming wedding date would make me think about it, but not much else.

[galaxie]

^ I think it's always something to consider. This whole topic can be a huge deal in some relationships, as I'm finding now. I think it's an important topic to discuss before getting engaged - I don't think you shoud promise to marry someone without first discussing your future.

And, for the record, my s/o and I have not been together for a year, we are not engaged, this is an ongoing discussion between us, I told him I was making this post to see some other points of view and, drumroll please - he's NOT freaking out! :P

I think it's about where you are in your relationship emotionally and commitment-wise, not the amount of time you have been together for. I was in a previous relationship for nearly 3 years and we never even came close to the point I'm at with my current beau.

[miss.myra]

Originally Posted by galaxie

^ I think it's always something to consider. This whole topic can be a huge deal in some relationships, as I'm finding now. I think it's an important topic to discuss before getting engaged - I don't think you shoud promise to marry someone without first discussing your future.

And, for the record, my s/o and I have not been together for a year, we are not engaged, this is an ongoing discussion between us, I told him I was making this post to see some other points of view and, drumroll please - he's NOT freaking out! :P

I think it's about where you are in your relationship emotionally and commitment-wise, not the amount of time you have been together for. I was in a previous relationship for nearly 3 years and we never even came close to the point I'm at with my current beau.

My reply wasn't referring to you!

[galaxie]

^ I know :) I just wanted to point out that sometimes a whole lot of love can happen in a short amount of time. It doesn't mean we're going to run off and get married next week, or even next year, but the fact that we know we're going to get married at some point means that we should be discussing topics like this!

[ebbomega]

They're just words. Why so much weight on them? Isn't the emotion behind the people more important than just words? Is a marriage a recitation of bible passages, or a commitment between two people to share their lives, as well as a commitment of the people present to encourage and support the sharing of lives?

That's what marriage is. Not a transference of name or a joining of bank accounts, as much as traditionalists and governments would have you believe. And maybe the fact that everybody puts so much weight on the little minute parts of it like they matter and so little weight on the actual committment is exactly why divorces are so frequent.

[PwInCeSs]

^I agree if theres so much fuss about names and simple things like that it overshadows the whole aspect of commitment and love and what marriage is. We never discussed wether or not i would change my last name, Nathan never asked or requested i take his, nor did i ask him if i should. I took his knowing that its what i wanted. If I hadnt it would not have made our marriage any less of one, because its not about names its about love and wanting to share your lives.

[Vitamin-X]

Originally Posted by ebbomega

They're just words. Why so much weight on them? Isn't the emotion behind the people more important than just words? Is a marriage a recitation of bible passages, or a commitment between two people to share their lives, as well as a commitment of the people present to encourage and support the sharing of lives?

That's what marriage is. Not a transference of name or a joining of bank accounts, as much as traditionalists and governments would have you believe. And maybe the fact that everybody puts so much weight on the little minute parts of it like they matter and so little weight on the actual committment is exactly why divorces are so frequent.

Some good points, but words still hold power.

[djmarkpaul]

What to add...another Shakespear quote:

"A rose by any other name would smell just as sweet"

....and to that I agree, but I wouldn't want to chance smelling a flower called ass.

Names/words do hold power, you don't have to believe in numerology to understand that.

If you ask me, whoever the bread bringer is, that name should hold credence, traditionally it's the male, so that's how I see it is as respect towards tradition. In the case of ownership, any debate on this matter means both parties are guilty. This is an ego issue, but I would be guilty of it myself, as I think a good wife should stand by her man.

If it's a matter to debate, maybe you should pick the last name that rhymes the least, your kid(s) will thank you later.