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Jun 10, 02
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bf and i broke up
2 years, 9 months.... it just was not working... i suppose it will get better... i feel so awful knowing that someone is sad because of me:(
i guess i will eat peanut butter although it is not the same as chocolate but i don't have any chocolate so peanut butter will have to do. 
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Jun 10, 02
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Ouch... 2 years and 9 months.. you guys are practically married by then! Prolonged time with someone can often cause troubles and your mind shifts and you wonder if all this time spent is amounting up to anything...
As long as you made the decision based on what you think and KNOW is best... and not just cuz you're bored with the other person... Question: Do you want things to work out, or was it good as it was and you'd rather not "taint" it by going out with them again... ? /me is nosey I suppose.
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Jun 10, 02
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don't you have a kid?
if so, was it with this guy? my sis. had a kid 2 years ago and she's 'seperated' with her bf right now... she just turned 19 too... eek... from what i see my sister going through right now, it's pretty hard... she's been with the guy for about 4 years...
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Jun 10, 02
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^^ Seriously?? That sucks... Does the kid know what's going on.. or is he still too young to realize what is going on? I hope she's doing okay.... something like that is probably pretty emotional...
Same question to Jade as well regarding the kid. After an amount of time together with someone it's almost like, what's the point of breaking up when you are so comfortable with the other person and so used to them being there? I guess breaking out of ritual is always a thrill and could be fun.
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Jun 10, 02
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yea stabs my nephew is still too young to know what's goin' on... my parents split up when i was his age... it's easier when you're that young... i told my sis she can move in with me when i move to my new place in august if things aren't workin' out for her... he knows me as 'uncle bob' now and that's just hilariously cute... my sister was like "does that leslie girl still want eat my kid?" haha...
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Jun 10, 02
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Yeah, I suppose if there was a "better" time to have it, it would be when the child is still young so there is no real emotional attachment.
I think your nephew just doesn't know how to say Cleve, sokay, I had troubles with the name as well.. hah. I hope your sister has some kind of financial support cuz if the seperation is serious, being a young, single mother is probably a financial hell, I know your mom and you are probably going to help her out, but still... and yes, BABY IN BELLY!! GET IN MAI BELLY!!
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Jun 10, 02
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Quote:
what are you supposed to do if you are so comfortable where you are? what if youre too afraid to let go? how do you deal with that?
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Jun 11, 02
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I suppose I shoulda written SOMETIMES, it's almost like what's the point of breaking up, etc....
I suppose you should just let the good times roll and not think about it so much... the more you think about it, let it manifest in your mind, the bigger the deal will become. When people are in long term relationships, they seem to question themselves and the relationship.. "Where is it going? Where is it supposed to be? Do they love me? Do I really love them? Should I maybe try new things, go out with other people? What if they find me boring now?" All theses questions, which are usually good to discuss with the other person, when they are left to occupy your mind for a long period of time.. really frustrate and confuse you... As for being too afraid of let go... what are you afraid of? The thought that you may never find someone like the person you are with, with being alone, or losing a friend? Maybe all three and more... Letting go is probably one of the hardest thing to do.. especially if you think that the other person could do better than you and that you are just limiting their development.... On one hand, you have this great person who cares about you deeply and doesn't care if you're a dumbass... and on the other hand, it's almost like you feel like you don't deserve them.. If you find someone like that... keep in mind how lucky you are to have someone put up with your shit and still want to be with you, and that if they thought you weren't good enough, they would of broken up with you already.. Well I ranted off for a while... dunno if this answers any of your questions..
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Jun 11, 02
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it's ok to be afraid to let go. just be prepared to watch the world go by while you sit around in fear. *remembers that 1 kid that's always in the beginners swimming lesson class, afraid to stick his head under water... we won't be seeing you on baywatch anytime soon*
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Jun 11, 02
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I think it's a bad thing to be overly comfortable with a person... there has to always be a lil bit of uncomfortable and awkward parts in the relationship to make it seem young again... there are times where I still get shy and embarassed about things around my bf.. I find it helps make things ease up...
Refering to what Bob said, sleeping in the same bed too long wears out the springs and maybe you sleep in too late and don't get a chance to seize the day.. however, the familiarity of it, and comfort it brings knowing that it's your bed is always nice.. Sleeping in other people's beds are always weird and don't feel right. But at the same time.... it could be something you could get used to.. who knows.
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Jun 11, 02
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Dr. Diary? I think I've had too much estrogen lately, damn you shojo anime and birth control pills!! Oh yeah, and I'm listening to wussy ambient :)
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Jun 11, 02
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thanks guys, dr. stabby you have some good points:)
bob: yes i have a kid, and yes the guy is the father. he is not taking this whole thing very well, we still get along with each other. i just really really need some space, it's hard to explain, i think maybe we both want different things right now...?? there's just so much i got tired of. we will always have a 'bond' for lack of a better word, because of the child. he is just over 19 months now. sounds like you sister is having a hard time, all the best to her. it's good that she has family that cares about her, it helps a lot. i have a fucking headache this morning.
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Jun 11, 02
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My personal view, I hope you and the father are going to keep contact, I mean being together for 3 years almost and then breaking up is a pretty difficult time.. You'll need to support each other if not as mother and father of the child, then as friends in a crisis... if you call it crisis...
I am however glad to hear that you aren't forcing yourself to stick around just cuz you have a kid together... quite often, a lil too much actually, families will stay together because of the children in what they think will be better for the child. Of course, as the child grows up and parents feel pressured to stay together and stress grows. Child then feels like he's hurting his parents by being there and develops low confidence in himself (he can be she, I'm just lazy). Hope things work out better for you.
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Jun 11, 02
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^^^^ so true.
that's what i was going to say. so many couples who have kids try to stay together for the sake of the kids when that is the worst thing you could do. Trust me, no child wants to see unhappy parents, and no matter how you hide it, they always know. good luck, jade. i know things will work out for you and your baby.
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Jun 11, 02
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lovekat: that would be nice:( i am going to go get some chocolate in a few minutes. *cries*
he told me he didn't want to keep me in a relationship i'm not happy in, he also said he'll help with our son as much as he can, financially and otherwise so that is nice. he is not taking this very well though, i feel bad.
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Jun 11, 02
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Dr. Kraig
Wow... well first of all, 2 years and 9 months is a long time and will be a significant adjustment for all three of you. You have obviously made this decision for a reason, perhaps a bunch of them and even to further this has probably been a long time coming.
I am glad to hear that he is being understanding of your wishes IE: by telling you that he doesn't want you in a relationship that you aren't happy in and that he is of course there to help out with your son financially and otherwise. Now as for the way he feels - let's not beat around the bush here, he is hurt without a doubt. And yes, you were 50% of the reason for that hurt as it takes two to have a relationship and therefore it is the combination of you both that determines if things work out or not... you were just the one to voice it first. His reaction is totally natural especially after a long relationship like that one and also with him having a son, a million things are going through his mind. As much as you need your space right now, give him his. He needs time to think and re-adjust his priorities. Hopefully he has a good network of friends/family cause that's what they are there for. The bottom line - you did the right thing and what is best for you and your son right now. Peace.
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Jun 11, 02
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thanks kraig:)
he is confused, he doesn't want to be apart, doesn't want space. i don't know, maybe i just don't want to be NEEDED that badly right now, it's tiring and also is hard to move after a while, know what i mean? there was one night, before the new year, he went out and got absolutely shitfaced drunk, DROVE MY VEHICLE HOME when he could barely walk and ran into something putting a big dent in the bumper, and was really not very nice to me when he came home. it shocked the hell out of me because i'd never seen him like that, i was actually scared. ever since then it hasn't been the same. he's not a bad guy, not mean or anything and he hasn't drank since then cuz i gave him supreme shit the next day even though he didn't remember any of the night before. i don't know what it is... but it's not what it was. apparently i'm "too independant" too. i can't rely on someone else to take care of me, it's just not something i can do and he doesn't understand that. i need to be able to feel like i'm self sufficient, it drives me up the wall if i'm not. i *know* i can take care of myself but i don't know that i can fully trust someone else to. am i weird? most girls would be all over someone else taking care of them wouldn't they? ah fuck... i could go on and on here. thanks for listening.
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Jun 12, 02
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Your independence will prove itself with you being the one to have custody of the child. It's nice to feel needed once in a while to validate yourself, I suppose... but someone clingy can seem demanding and emotionally draining...
About the whole drinking and crashing your car bit... just because someone does something that isn't typical of their normal behavior does not mean that they are a different person... Everyone does stupid things, I think your independence won't let you forgive his mistake(s) because you think that if you do, you will lose the strong headed female role that you are leading because you were compassionate and forgiving... Don't get me wrong, I would be pissed off if that happened to me as well..... but is this something that is a large basis of why you guys are breaking up? Sometimes even if you are independent and you don't need anyone, it's pretty awful to say... but, you could let him take care of you every now and then so he isn't so intimidated and feels of some self worth and that he can stand beside you and not feel ashamed...
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Jun 13, 02
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No problem Jade!
The fact that you feel you need your space or as you put it, "I just don't want to be NEEDED that badly" makes perfect sense. As we all grow and mature, our priorities change and the things that are important to us do as well. Another thing --- the fact you are independant and self-sufficient is a very good thing. I think both those elements should exist in any relationship because if they don't, then really both parties will get sick of each other! You are not weird at all. Who cares about what other girls want... you are you and seem to have a good idea as to what you are looking for - That is what this most recent relationship has taught you. The fact that some girls want to be taken care of is besides the point... That just means that they are at a point in there life where they need/want that. You however are at a different point in your life with different needs/wants that will and have change as you mature. Don't question these new thoughts and feelings, welcome them as part of the new you or more so the new person that you now are coming out of this relationship. Be greatful for that cause ultimately it is going to usher in a whole bunch of new things. Last edited by Kraig; Jun 13, 02 at 05:59 PM.
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