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Apr 12, 07
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speaking of chuck norris.... rather than being birthed like a normal child, he instead decided to punch his way out of his mother's womb. Shortly thereafter he grew a beard.
To prove it isn't that big of a deal to beat cancer. Chuck Norris smoked 15 cartons of cigarettes a day for 2 years and aquired 7 different kinds of cancer only to rid them from his body by flexing for 30 minutes. Beat that, Lance Armstrong. Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart while she was flying over the Pacific Ocean. Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Chuck roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month. 
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Apr 12, 07
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When Chuck Norris' wife burned the turkey one thanksgiving, Chuck said, "don't worry about it honey," and went into his backyard. He came back five minutes later with a live turkey, ate it whole, and when he threw it up a few seconds later it was fully cooked and came with cranberry sauce. When his wife asked him how he had done it, he gave her a roundhouse kick to the face and said, "Never question Chuck Norris."
Chuck Norris once shot an enemy plane down with his finger, by yelling, "Bang!" Chuck Norris doesn't need to swallow when eating food. Chuck Norris eats transformer toys in vehicle mode and poos them out transformed into a robot.
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