Dumping someone you like

Troubled · #1 (**permalink**) Dec 24, 02

I know that sounds wrong but it's true

My feelings towards my gf, are different from when we started going out. I no longer have affectionate feelings towards her.. it's more of a friendship feeling I get when I'm around her. I'm not a mind reader but I believe that her feelings towards me are really strong and if I do anything to harsh, she will probably be very hurt. I've been going out with her for about 2 months (yes it's not a long time) but it's the longest relationship I've been in. There are a few complications but I don't know if they are relivant to whether I should move on or not. I don't want to hurt her but anything but staying together would be harm full. If anyone has any suggestions, (come on.. I know you guys have good ideas) please let me know.

If any of you have any negative comments... you can PM me or post them.. I'm willing to take any flak for this. I do care for her, but staying in a relationship where there is no love is not a real relationship anyways.

Thank you for your time and consideration!

specialkonrd · #2 (**permalink**) Dec 24, 02

Sounds like you just got bored of her man. It happens...
my advice is
Dont sacrifice your own happiness for someone elses. Girls come and go

and in the future, don't let yourself spend too much time with gf's no matter how much you want to. You'll end up getting bored and eventually dumping or cheating on her

so anyways, dump her, give her about a month to get over you, then see if she's down to be just freinds. Make sure to give her time though otherwise ull just be toying with her feelings because she's still gonna be full of hope that you'll get back with her

Kraig · #3 (**permalink**) Dec 24, 02

Dude... don't say it's wrong to feel how you feel... You are totally justified and have the right to feel however you want.

As this is the longest relationship you have ever been in, I am sure over the past two months you have learned an incredible amount about what ultimately you want and what you are looking for. Regardless of how strong her feelings are for you, you need to sit down and talk with her and tell it like it is. You have to accept that their is no easy way to say what you are going to have to and any way you say it, it will end up hurting her.

I don't know or understand what these "complications" are that you speak of and they may have some effect on your delivery of saying what you need to, but these complications will still not change how you feel about her. You need to tell it like it is and ultimately how you feel.

From experience though, if her feelings for you are as strong as you say, she will find it difficult to just be your friend... You are going to need to give her space and when she is ready, she will approach you as a friend. It's up to you though to make sure it stays just that.

Good luck.

Ragga_Wh0re · #4 (**permalink**) Dec 24, 02

dude man dude... dont feel bad! If she realy cares about you as much as she says then she will understand fully and accept ur offer of freindship ,although it might take some time from a few weeks to a few months ya never know!

anywayz this is all i have 2 offer so good luck and keep yer chin up kid

yourlilbaby · #5 (**permalink**) Dec 24, 02

babe dont sweat it... If you've lost feelings for her this early on, i dont knwo if they are going to come back... and the longer you are together the worse itll be when u finally end it. Or you will prolong the pain by jsut ignoring her and she will not understand why... I'd say if u are going to end it then u should... do what feels right for you! i mean maybe avoid doing it on xmas day but you know what i mean.... all i can do is wish you the best of luck and congradulate you for being so considerate! chin up babe

strawberr_E · #6 (**permalink**) Dec 24, 02

these people have good advice so far. listen to them

sungoo · #7 (**permalink**) Dec 24, 02

I agree, My friend was in the exact same situation and felt the same way. I used to tell him that there is no point of a relationship if only one of the members is happy. End it now instead of a few months or even years from now where things will be harder. Also, if you think about it, the quicker you end it, the more time you will have to find your (as much as I hate saying this word) soul mate.

And when you do break up. She will HATE you but that will be momentary. after a few days or weeks or even months, you'll be talking again. things won't ever be the same but things will be better, atleast for you anyways. You just have to express to her that you care for her, just not in the bf/gf way.

And please don't say "It's not you, It's me" cause that's SUCH a cop out.
even if it is true. heh.

Troubled · #8 (**permalink**) Dec 25, 02

Thank you all for your input and ideas. This will probably take some time to process. I don't know when I will try, but I know it should be done soon.

Thanks again

sidewayz luv · #9 (**permalink**) Dec 25, 02

I think that everything has pretty much been said....but if you wanna be her friend then don't wait too long to talk to her after its done with....give it a few days then maybe give her a call and invite her out with you and a group of mutual friends
(you should havee a few after 2 months)If you wait for to long it'll just be too wierd talking to her.....but too soon and she'll get her hopes up.....

rawb · #10 (**permalink**) Dec 25, 02

i did this once to a girl and i broke her heart. it's super hard to do, but you have to do it. you can't be miserable to keep someone you like happy.

i wish you luck, it's tough but ultimately worth it for both of you.

GoGo_Gurl · #11 (**permalink**) Dec 25, 02

I think everything has been said.... but i'm still going to re write it in my own words... just cause i can :kimmie:

There is no point is draggin this realitionship on any further. A realitionship is when 2 ppl have the same feeling toward eachther, and u guys dont have that anymore, so there isnt anything to build a realitionship on. There is no way you can do this without hurting her, girls are just to emotional. But my suggestion is to tell her what u told us, u said it all, u dont care for her like u used to, and thats ok... it happens, you dont want to hurt her, and just by posting this proves that u dont want to hurt her. figure out what u want to say to her, and go for coffe and just sit down and explane it all to her, yeah she will problay cry, and yeah she will probaly try to convince u that u can work though it and blah blah blah, but if she has a good head on her shoulders she will understand, and hopefully thank u for it in the end.

Good luck, and always remember to smile......... let us know how it goes.

sidewayz luv · #12 (**permalink**) Dec 26, 02

Don't go for Coffee...Go somewhere a little more private...you don't want to embarress her by making her cry in public...because she probably will cry...Like gogo gurl said.....
Best of luck!!!

GoGo_Gurl · #13 (**permalink**) Dec 26, 02

^^^ yeah ur right, never throught of the whole public thing, becuase where i live we dont really have a public

Ragga_Wh0re · #14 (**permalink**) Dec 26, 02

dont make a big deal about telling her just tell her straight the fuck up dont candy coat it cuz candy coating gives people false hope and candy coating might end up leading her on. Be brutally honest

specialkonrd · #15 (**permalink**) Dec 27, 02

in the end you gotta look out for number one

vesperstina · #16 (**permalink**) Dec 27, 02

sure break up with them, twist their heart, she'll get over it, and so will you. if it doesn't suit you so swell then ditch it for someone who will. hopefully you won't have feeling for her in the future, and you probably won't be even friends afterwards. ouch.

stina.