quiet... untalkative...antisocial or wutever u call it.

[yoko*]

this has always been bugging me.. if u take the time to read it... thanx..




I dunno wuts wrong with me.. or maybe it`s just a part of my personality.. sumtimes I have nuthin to say, but either way.. i just don`t talk. Sure around friends I`ve known for a while I have lots to say and I just wont shut my mouth... and that`s AT TIMES. but sum days I wake up feeling heavy and tired and for the rest of the day even tho i slept for a long time... and I don`t feel like smiling, talking, laughing or moving. Those are the days where I just want to lock myself up into a room and not talk to any one.. just lay down and do nothing..

Even when I`m not having my lazy days I feel it`s hard to talk.. I rely so badly on the other person to keep the conversation going.. but at times I don`t even want a conversation. as awkward as it becomes I`d rather just sit there beside sum one and not talk at all... but ofcourse that`s not wut the other person expects so they juss think I`m weird or very shy and they kinda end up distancing themselves...

but fuck I need to correct myself. I find it`s becoming worse now.. well actually it depends on the situation ya no? But it seems lately that around a comple stranger I just.. run out of words to say or else I just prefer not to be bothered...

wut bothers me most is my antisocial days.. the days where I`d rather walk alone then to soscialize with others... I don`t understand myself that way.. most ppl`d rather walk with sum one else, but me, I go on my own walks by myself and most of the time I like to walk alone... I do that often when I`m at home...

See, like I finishsed work and I was waiting for this guy to drive me home type of thing and he was actually makin the effort to talk.. but I just wanted to stand around and say nuthing... I didn`t want to open my mouth.. so it ended up an hour of almost complete silence.. and awkwardness.. it was prolly most awkward becuz I felt HIS awkwardness rubbing off on me... maybe its partly shyness but also partly unwillingness to talk. I guess I gave off a pretty bad impression.

i DRIVE myself into a little hole on purpose almost and it makes me sick. Why do I do this to myself... like I could be at a party and if i`m in my antisocial mood. I`d probably lay on a couch, not talk to any one and try to fall asleep... if I`m at sum ones house and every one`s gettin all giddy and excited I mite be the only one just cracking open a my notebook and writing upsetting poems n shit...

I could be beside one of the ppl who i REALLY wanna get to know as a friend or maybe a guy who I`m totally digging but I`d choose to smile and walk away... see that`s my problem. I could be around sum one who i REALLY wanna get to know, but I leave off such a bad impression. Most guys i like never usually know I like them becuz of that fact...

See guys wise, if I like a guy I want to stay as far away as possible from them. how`s that for fucked up. I just `don`t want to deal with them, or see their face.. i avoid eye contact as much as possible.. i always lose my chance...

friends wise.. there are so many ppl i respect but I can`t get up the courage to tell them how much respect I have for them. Sum ppl are able to just blurt out compliments so easily.. it just comes naturally fer them.. for me, I don`t know how to compliment sum one and make it sound natural.... everthing is always so thought out.. i don`t mean it to be though....

i`m not exactly the most social creature u`d ever meet... Lots of times I manage to hide that fact by forcing out unwanted smiles that take so much effort to do... I can point out so many examples.. like the time I met summa u f&k-ers.. or most of you.. u mite notice that the conversation does not go longer than.. 3 minutes at a time. fuck... but that`s an example.. it happens more often than at parties.. in *real life* too...

I just.. sumtimes find being in the presence of sum one.. is too much of an effort... rah... u mite notice the first time i mite meet sum one or maybe the first time i`ve met you (whoever u may be... that is possibly reading this).. i prolly didn`t say a word to u... or maybe juss small pointless chitchat.. and lots of smiling involved...

gawd..... how many fake smiles does it take for it to become real?

------------

note: i`m not ALWAYS ALWAYS like this.... but this is one of my characteristics that bothers me...

[bob]

marry me.

[stabmyhead]

first things first. bob. back off chicken head. yoko is mine.

for the last week or so ive been avoiding social contact, friends call me and im always either sleeping, or doing more important things.. playing rpgs ;] this is what i like to call, leslies hermit phase. i hide in my house and eat. i know bob likes to think that im some derranged social butterfly but i blame that on the fact that he doesnt take the time to get to know me or likes to make up derranged lil dellussions and assumtions of what he thinks im like. some ppl cant help it if they have ppl that like them. i only get along with most ppl cuz i dont see them enough.. im sure if i saw ppl more than i do now.. i would be sick of them and annoyed. i guess thats why i cant seem to retain a good relationship or friendship with someone for more than a year or so.. i guess its cuz i get ticked off easily, easily irritated, and after a while. i just dont care...

as you said, i hate being in a social situation and be almost EXPECTED to make social contact, in the car with parents or friends or what not.. i feel so akward with the silence i just have to have music going to break it.. and if anyone at a party that i dont know tries to talk to me, i usually just run off... as for walking alone... id rather walk with music than anything.. well its a different story if its through dark alleys late at night.. then i would probably rather have someone to walk with.

btw yoko.. i like our talks on icq.. im not as social in real life usually..

sure enough everyone has their lil antisocial episodes. just cuz someone has lotsa friends, doesnt make them a social butterfly ;] thers nothing wrong with you. you're only human :)

im rambling.. sorry.

.stabitout.

[*addy*]

Well, the first few times I met you, I didn't think you were anti-social at all! (I guess when the conversation consists of you giving me clues to what your name is, your not exactly lacking for things to say... "YYYOOOKKKKOOOO"ha ha). I don't find it strange at all that you would walk around alone. I'm a fairly social person, really out going the whole bit; but I don't think wanting to be alone is something strange or un-natural. I love just taking walks, just to think. I guess also to 'relieve' myself of those 'fake smile' moments as well. I don't think you wanting to be alone is weird at all. If anything I think it's good for you. A lot of people can't stand being alone. (ex. girlfriends at school who won't even walk to the vending machines without me...god...) People think I'm weird and "independent" just cause i go for starbucks by myself... it's like... christ... i want coffee alright?
Point being, there is nothing wrong with you wanting to be alone, or being un-talkative. At times, it becomes tiresome and tedious to think of impersonal topics of conversation with that person you couldn't give a shit about just to fill the air. So... why bother?

*addy*

[kiMMie]

I agree with Addy...I don't see anything wrong with being "quiet, antisocial, or untalkative" with people you've just met...

I think it's more of a defensive, protective mode people put themselves through when they first meet people. Some people have a tendency to "show" a little too much of themselves too quickly at times, and others may take it as "too needy" and "desperate" for friendships, don't you think?

I like to keep to myself and *observe* others' reactions to me...it's like discovering what type of person they are and if they suit my personality...

I also like to watch a person's body language...it shows a lot about them...their character...first impression...blah blah blah...

Honestly, I didn't think you were any of those things Yoko when I first met you...You seemed very pleasant :Kimmie: So, don't think those characteristics are in any way negative, cuz they aren't...it's just the type of person you are, and trust me, you're not alone

[kiMMie]

Yoko* I think you may have misunderstood my reply...

What I meant for you to read is that people in general put themselves in a "defensive" mode when they first meet others so they can't be judged too quickly...

I do that all the time...gives me time too know what type of person they are, etc...

I would have to say that I'm kinda like you when I meet new people...I'm very distant, quiet, and that can sometimes be perceived as snobby, but it isn't. It's just how we are...

My brain rummages to find the right things to say too, and at the right time, but sometimes, I don't want to even bother...maybe my mood isn't right, or I had a bad day, blah blah blah... That doesn't mean I'm asocial, or unfriendly, does it? Is a smile always mandatory when new people come into the picture? Politeness is...but do you have to gush and initiate a conversation all the time? I don't think so... :047:

[Erica]

This thread hit so close to home. I'm exactly the same way hunnie. Around my friends, I'm loud, outgoing, talkative, crazy, and just won't shut up. But around people that I don't know too well, I'm mute. Well, sometimes I can open up right off the bat, but on the most part, I just keep to myself and stay quiet. People have told me before, after getting to know me better, that when they first met me, they thought I was stuck up because of the way I acted. But after they got to know me, they found out that I was the exact opposite. I just become somewhat shy, and can't think of a word to utter around certain people.

I also get the feeling of wanting to be alone. Sometimes my friends call me and want me to go out, but then I tell them that I don't want to, and I stay at home by myself. Gawd knows how many weekends I've done that. So often, I feel like I want to keep to myself, hide from the world and everything in it. But then I realise that this is one big reason I get depressed. Cause I tend to isolate myself, and because of that, I feel lonely and like I have no friends. So now, I just go out with one to two people at a time, and I end up having so much more fun. I prefer spending more personal time with friends. I find that I get to know people a lot better that way.

BTW, I got your postcard Yoko!! Going to write back REAL soon. Miss you hunnie!! *muah*

Erica :AZN:

[~lazee_grrl~]

ack...anti-socialness...shyness..it all sorta sucks..yet it doesn't,..i think i get like that when i'm around people i don't know..sumtimes i make the effort to talk..and sumtimes i don't and just sit and smile..i dunno..i think its like my lil defense system as kimmie sorta said...but yeah..or i'm too lazy to talk..around people i feel comfy with..i'm totally fine..loud..crazy...but yeah..i guess my mood changes to who i'm with...i mean..if i'm with a quiet shy person..i could get like that too..or if i'm with sumone crazy..i can get like that too..??.. i dunno..but there really is nuthin too bad about antisocialness..i personally sumtimes like being antisocial rather then being social...depending on mood i guess...like erica..sumtimes i isolate myself...from everyone...then it hits me..get out into the world and i'm out and having fun again..but the everyonce in a while isolation is nice..even tho it gets me all depressed and depressing..i like it~