stupid

selectum · #1 (**permalink**) Mar 04, 04

I hate myself.

My ex has a new boyfriend but we're still seeing each other, and having sex. We broke up because the relationship wasn't working, but we still have very strong feelings for each other. This is so unlike us to cheat and lie. I feel horrible. It's the worst thing I have ever done.

It needs to stop, and we both have talked about it, but it's hard. I don't know why I can't let go. Because I still love her, jealousy, fear of loosing her, or being alone?

I'm ruining their relationship because of my fears, how selfish is that?
I've tried moving on, but nothing compares, I miss her so much. I need to end things before I loose her completely.

robyn · #2 (**permalink**) Mar 04, 04

No. You need to lose her completely for a little while, it'll give you both time to get over it.

middle mike · #3 (**permalink**) Mar 04, 04

go rent a hooker it is the best way

samosa · #4 (**permalink**) Mar 04, 04

the same thing happened to me and it took me 6 monthes to realize i couldnt get over him until i stopped talkin to him forawhile.. so i made myself learn to live without him.. i still think about him alot.. but i kno that i CAN live without him bcuz i lived without him for 3 monthes now ... im so much happier... when i was still having sex with him i had so many confusing feelings liek jealousy and depression bcuz i knew he was with other ppl as well and i just couldnt take it.. no one else compared to him.. it will be ok believe me just take a couple monthes away from her.. dont talk to her.. chillout.. chill with ur frends and keep ur mind off of her.. its hard at first but after awhile u'll feel better :kimmie: now i just started talking to him again.. and we're just friends.. in the end it is alot better that we took a break from talking now when i see him with other girls im not jealous.. cuz im happy and hes happy thats all that matters

samosa · #5 (**permalink**) Mar 04, 04

i hope that made sense to u ^^^

Jingles · #6 (**permalink**) Mar 04, 04

Quote:

Originally posted by robyn
No. You need to lose her completely for a little while, it'll give you both time to get over it.

Listen to the smart lady ^^^^^

if you love your ex - then do what's best for her and give her room to live and move on
constantly going back to one another and harping over love lost isn't healthy

Get out and do things, hang out with your friends - make a concious effort to laugh

Of course it's hard to give up sex with someone you still have feelings for - but dude
think about what you are doing -- seriously, how can you expect things to ever get better for you emotionally if you keep getting naked with her?
that just feeds your feelings

You've ttried moving on? No way ..you haven't tried hard enough - cut her out all together this is no time to act like you can just be friends
YOU CAN"T BE - not yet

there's going to have to be some healing first
best wishes

samosa · #7 (**permalink**) Mar 04, 04

listen to jingles.. ^^

*Geminiz* · #8 (**permalink**) Mar 04, 04

They are right. I've been in this situation too and it hurts like hell. I held on for a couple years and in the end I realized I should have cut them out of my life from the very beginning (when they started seeing some one else). Not worth it and you'll see that you'll feel so much better about life, about yourself, about everything once you've stopped seeing them.

*Geminiz* · #9 (**permalink**) Mar 04, 04

Ofcourse we're all telling you something you already know . . .

jawa · #10 (**permalink**) Mar 04, 04

Quote:

Originally posted by *Geminiz*
They are right. I've been in this situation too and it hurts like hell. I held on for a couple years and in the end I realized I should have cut them out of my life from the very beginning (when they started seeing some one else). Not worth it and you'll see that you'll feel so much better about life, about yourself, about everything once you've stopped seeing them.

ahem.....Joel :070:
edit - hes not seeing anyone else but i cannot get away from him. AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

*runs down the street screaming*

*Geminiz* · #11 (**permalink**) Mar 04, 04

Quote:

Originally posted by jawa

ahem.....Joel :070:
edit - hes not seeing anyone else but i cannot get away from him. AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

*runs down the street screaming*

lol

He's a great guy thats why :)

Sariel · #12 (**permalink**) Mar 04, 04

In order for you to be able to be friends with someone, and lose the feelings you had for them in the relationship, you have to spend an equal amount of time apart, with no contact, as you spent together...

Otherwise, all the emotions and crap are going to keep coming back, and you will not be able to move past things.

samosa · #13 (**permalink**) Mar 04, 04

ya that was true for me too.. i was with him 5-6 monthes and i have to be away about the same time and i felt much better

Sariel · #14 (**permalink**) Mar 04, 04

I find that it holds true with pretty much every relationship...

Although, starting a new relationship definatly helps you get over the last one...

robyn · #15 (**permalink**) Mar 04, 04

Quote:

Originally posted by Sariel
Although, starting a new relationship definatly helps you get over the last one...

If you're actually ready for it. I recommend a series of one night stands for the intermediate phase.

Sariel · #16 (**permalink**) Mar 04, 04

Quote:

Originally posted by robyn

If you're actually ready for it. I recommend a series of one night stands for the intermediate phase.

Hrmm... I can see how that would help, but I have known it to have some pretty detrimental effects to emotional health as well.

But they can be a hell of a lot of fun.

robyn · #17 (**permalink**) Mar 04, 04

^They're not for everyone. Just perpetual sluts, and those of us who realize they're meaningless before hand, as opposed to after.

Sariel · #18 (**permalink**) Mar 04, 04

^^

Your right... sex does tend to be meaningless....
Or, as I like to put it, Sex is fun physical exersize.

robyn · #19 (**permalink**) Mar 04, 04

^I wasn't trying to imply that sex is meaningless. Just that some sex can be meaningless, but still fun, and a fine tool for getting over someone. Pun intended.

selectum · #20 (**permalink**) Mar 04, 04

I've had sex with another partner a couple times already, but it was really empty. The sex was decent and he was affectionate, but there was no connection and it was meaningless (a load blown and an intimacy fix).
It just made me miss her even more, and want to experience 'making 'love'' to her again.

I've already taken a month break, and i felt like i was over her, but i guess not. Ignoring her for that month was what drove her too pursue a new relationship. If i had stuck around she would still be single.
We made an agreement the other week, that if her new relationship were to end, we'd see each other again. On the terms that we'd remain single and monogomous to each other. Kinda like we're going out, but not.

Anyways, that's the situation. I'm needy and I hate being alone.

robyn · #21 (**permalink**) Mar 04, 04

^Just so you know, absolutely everything about what you just said won't work. Single? Yet monogomous?

I hated being alone too, and stayed in a really horrible relationship for a long time because of it, but once I finally got out I learned that being alone wasn't so scary. It's even kind of fun.

Sariel · #22 (**permalink**) Mar 05, 04

I used to jump from relationship to relationship.... for more than 3 years, I was never single for more than 2 months at a time....

Then I broke up with this guy I loved very much, and have stayed single ever since... more than a year and a half now.

I have to say, it has been one of the best periods of my life... I am free to do what I want, when I want. No attachments, and I am having so much fun with it.

If you can't be happy being single, you should NOT be in a relationship.... because that automatically makes you emotionally dependant on that person.... which is NOT a healthy position to be in....

Concentrate on being happy alone... or with just friends. Otherwise, your relationships are either never going to work, or the person you are seeing is going to have too much emotional power over you... and that tends to lead to abusive realtionships, either mentally or phsyically....

Just my 2 cents

Kelster · #23 (**permalink**) Mar 05, 04

Quote:

Originally posted by robyn
^Just so you know, absolutely everything about what you just said won't work. Single? Yet monogomous?

i think it could work. i'm not ready for a relationship, but i'd like to get my sex on so abstinence is not an option.
fuck buddies drive me crazy, and i hate the fact that they are out humping other girls. i dislike one night stands, and i hate juggling +1 boy at a time.
i'm sure there's boys out there that are in the same situation, looking for something similar

i fucked up, but i'm sure i can find another

Kelster · #24 (**permalink**) Mar 05, 04

Quote:

Originally posted by Sariel
If you can't be happy being single, you should NOT be in a relationship.... because that automatically makes you emotionally dependant on that person.... which is NOT a healthy position to be in....

Concentrate on being happy alone... or with just friends. Otherwise, your relationships are either never going to work, or the person you are seeing is going to have too much emotional power over you... and that tends to lead to abusive realtionships, either mentally or phsyically....

Just my 2 cents

ahh never really thought of it that way...but i hate being alone :(

robyn · #25 (**permalink**) Mar 05, 04

Quote:

Originally posted by Kelster

i think it could work. i'm not ready for a relationship, but i'd like to get my sex on so abstinence is not an option.
fuck buddies drive me crazy, and i hate the fact that they are out humping other girls. i dislike one night stands, and i hate juggling +1 boy at a time.
i'm sure there's boys out there that are in the same situation, looking for something similar

i fucked up, but i'm sure i can find another

Two people fucking only each other and not seeing anyone else. How is this not a relationship? You may not take it to a serious level, but you're still making commitments as a couple.