|
|||||||
| Mind and Body Ask for advice or offer some. Keep it work safe clean. |
 |
|
|
LinkBack | Topic Tools | Rate Topic |
Nov 13, 04
|
|||
|
|||
|
bahahhahah
*giggle* rofl *giggle* 
|
|
Nov 13, 04
|
|||
|
|||
|
Quote:
Last edited by Crazy Dave; Nov 13, 04 at 09:51 AM.
|
|
Nov 13, 04
|
|||
|
|||
|
The Lorena Bobbit
Obviously, this one is for the ladies. When engaging in some hard core booty sex, squeeze your butt cheeks together as tight as you can, and start violently jumping and thrashing your ass around, in an effort to rip his dick off. (To reach true Lorena status, you must take the severed dick for a drive and then toss it out the window.) The Menthol The act of getting head from a woman who just moments earlier ate a numerous amounts of cough drops, thus insuring a pleasurable, tingly feeling on your cock. The Mellon Dive Headbutting a woman's big fat titties. Always lots of fun. Monkey Wrench When some sadistic bitch takes your dick back between your legs and sucks you off. Monroe Transfer When you and your partner connect each other's assholes with a tube. One defecates through the tube, thus transferring the turds to the rectum of the other. The Moped A chick that's a fun ride until your friends see you on it, if you know what I mean. The Mork Made famous by Robin Williams on Mork & Mindy, stick your pinky and ring fingers up a girls ass, then jam your middle and index fingers up her ****. (Please note: Not complete until you finish it off with a Nanoo-Nanoo!) Moses A man who enjoys going down on a woman during her period. Derived from the Biblical figure Moses, who parted the Red Sea. The Motorboat While performing oral sex on a girl, flap your lips together on her clit, thus imitating the sound of a motorboat. She'll love you forever. Muff Teaser Finger, suck, eat, etc. a girl until she is begging for it. Then rub your stiffy round her golden valley until she screams at you to give her a banging. Right when her frustration is at its highest level, stop and finish with a DIY(do it yourself) handjob. Then leave the room without saying a word. Not to be tried if you want to shack up with the selfish bitch again. The Mung Obtain a female that has been dead for 2-3 days (the time period since death is important). Then place your mouth just outside her vaginal opening. Have a friend jump on her stomach, and try to catch as much stuff that comes out as you can in your mouth. Mushy Biscuit This is actually a very fun game. Just choose a piece of food that you and your male friends like to eat. Then you and your buddies form a tight circle around the food item and proceed to jerk off all over it. Last one to bust a nut gets the prize of eating the food. New Jersey Meat-Hook The unusual method of inserting one's finger in the ass of your partner while screwing her, and feeling her cervix. This procedure is most effective from behind. New York Style Taco Anytime when you are so drunk that when you go down, you barf on her box. Happy trails. The Nixon A variation of the Bullwinkle in which you give two peace signs as your signal of dominance. May enhance the act by shaking jowls and yelling, "I'm not a crook". This is considered very bold and is frowned upon for those with a modicum of decorum. Oyster A derivation of the tea bag which is accomplished by numbing one's testicles with ice and then inserting them in a chicks mouth and letting the tramp munch on them. Pasadena Mudslide This happens when you leave a windy Shoot between the breasts of a woman while you straddle her neck for a blowjob. (A close cousin to the Cleveland Steamer.) Pattycake While you're nailing some girl doggie style and your friend is catching some head off the same girl, you get a quick game of pattycake going. This makes you reminisce of your childhood memories and eases the sight of watching your friend blow his load. Paying The Rent A position in which the woman is folded in half, knees above shoulders, while the man holds the back of her calves and bangs ferociously. Peanut Butter And Jelly Sandwich Shoot on a woman's snatch during menstruation. Proceed to munch. Mmmm Mmmm Nasty! (Crunchy or smooth...depending on what you've been eating.) Pearl Necklace Well known. Whenever you cum on the neck/cleavage area of a girl - it takes on the look of beautiful jewelry. fack that diamonds are forever Shoot. The Pig Roast While you're plugging some girl's hole doggie style, (up the dirt road or the funhole, pick your poison) she's blowing your best friend's cock at the same time, hence simulating a pig on a spit. Very Similar to Chinese Finger Cuffs. Pink Glove Hate when this happens. Every so often a girl is not wet enough during sex. When you finally pull out to give her money, the inside of her twat sticks to your hog. Thus, the pink glove. The Pirate's Treasure While facking your girl in the ass, you strike a hefty load of Shoot. After you've found this buried treasure deep in her booty, you scream, "Argh!", like a pirate. Plating Take a clear, glass plate and place it on your partners face, then Shoot on it. It gives them a nice view without all the messy cleanup. How come you don't see that on any Dawn commercials. The Popcorn Trick First, take your girlfriend to the cinemas, for a nice romantic date. Buy a tub of popcorn, wait until the lights dim, and carefully make a hole in the bottom on the tub. Then, inconspicuously insert your penis through the bottom of the tub into the popcorn and casually offer some to your bitch. When she digs in, she will find nice surprise. Who doesn't love buttered popcorn? Puerto Rican Fog Bank While 69ing with your partner, release a cloud of sphincter fog directly into her nostrils. Purple Mushroom This occurs when a woman is giving you oral sex and you withdraw your penis in order to poke it back into her cheek. It should leave a lasting impression similar to a purple mushroom. Queef A well known, but sometimes embarrassing occurrence. Queefing happens when air gets trapped in a girls vagina, and makes a soft hissing, or farting kind of a sound while that air is released. The Ram When attacking from behind, you start ramming her head against the wall in a rhythmic motion. The force of the wall should allow for deeper penetration. Very handy in those lulls in penile sensitivity. Rear Admiral An absolute blast. When getting a chick from behind (while both partners standing), make sure you don't let her grab on to anything when she is bent over. Then, drive you hips into her backside so that you end up pushing her forwards. The goal is to push her into a wall or table. It's almost as much fun watch her face hit the floor. You rise to Admiral status when you can bang her around the room without crashing into anything and not using your hands to grab onto her hips Red Wings Another name for navigating the moose knuckle with your tongue while discovering the girl is on her rag. Be a real man and earn your red wings soldier! Resuscitation When a girl is asleep, carefully open her mouth so that she doesn't awake. Then, squat over her face and carefully place your Shoot hole on her lips. When the time is right, you let rip the biggest baddest fart ever known to man and see if it wakes her up. Great fun during those long sleepless nights. The Roddy Piper When getting your girl from behind, you toss the sleeper hold on her and knock her out ala Rowdy Roddy Piper. While nailing your unconscious victim, you get to simulate your life long dream of necrophilia. Now you never have to break into the morgue again. The Rodeo Similar to the Bronco. You start once again, banging a chick from behind. At a pre-arranged time you grab her hair with one hand just as several buddies bust into the room. See if you can hang on for 8 seconds cowboy. Yee Haw! The Rose Creeper Seductively brush a beautiful long stem red rose against your sweetheart's neck, breasts, and inner thigh. Slowly rub the rose along her smooth skin as you tenderly kiss her entire body. After working her into the mood for some deep love making, unzip your fly and pull out your raging boner. Begin to punish-fack her dumper while whipping her with the rose and screaming nasty obscenities at her. I bet she never saw that coming. The Rusty Trombone This is what happens when you've got a less then respectable female (AKA be-yatch) tongue deep in your chute. She wiggles her tongue as she does the reach around to pump you like a Catholic priest doing an Alter Boy, thus mimicking a trombone player. Sandbag Under an assumed name in a tropical region, you meet a young hottie and engage in the well known cliche of sex on the beach. Just before insertion, remove the rubber (without getting caught of course), and proceed to bang away until you blow your load, without pulling out. As you dismount and prepare for departure, grab a handful of sand, throw it in her eyes, and run away laughing hysterically while leaving her blinded, butt-necked, and knocked up. Especially lots of fun when accomplished during the spring break season.
|
|
Nov 13, 04
|
|||
|
|||
|
The Screwnicorn
When a dyke puts her strap-on dildo on her forehead and proceeds to go at her partner like a crazed unicorn. The Seatbelt While one fag straddles his partners cock, he receives a blowjob from the fruitcake on the bottom. Shirley Temple Pour a can of 7-Up on a girl's menstruating pussy and eat her out. The Shocker When you insert your index and middle fingers in the woman's vagina and pinky in her anus. After giving her a few good minutes of double duty finger banging, pull your fingers out and give your index and middle finger a quick sniff and pinky a good sucking, all in one smooth motion.(a.k.a. Smoking the Pinky.) Shop Vac When a dirty, talented tramp stuffs you're entire package (balls and all) into her mouth, and blows you with amazing suction power. Shrimping The term for licking or sucking your partner's toes. Skiing While facing in the same direction, a girl gets between two guys and jerks them both off, thus imitating some hardcore cross-country action. Slumpbuster When a professional athlete finds the dirtiest, nastiest, fattest, most disease-ridden skank and puts the wood to her with the intent that it will break up a slump. Snerd Nurgling The act of moving your anal lovers turds about within his/her lower intestine with your dick. Really popular with the lavender boys, hence the expression, "Oh Lance, Nergle me you Snerd"... Snoodling When an uncircumcised homo pulls his extra foreskin over the cock of another homo and proceeds to jerk him off. Those gays have way too much free time. Can be used at as a great derogatory term as in, "You Snoodler!" Snowball Ah yes, every man's worst nightmare, the dreaded snowball. This happens when a girl blows you and spits the jizz in your mouth. Another definition is when a girl blows some other guy, and then gives you a hot sloppy kiss with some of that guy's fresh jizz still in her mouth. With all those dirty broads out there, odds are it has happened to you. Just ask your friends if it has, cause they probably already know and have been laughing their asses off at you. The Snuff Lovingly fack the Shoot out of your virgin or ragging girlfriend and wipe your bloody member across her face. Take a couple Polaroids, show them to your friends, and brag that you're a snuff film superstar. Stranger Sitting on your hand until it falls asleep and then jerking off, giving you the feeling of a hand job from someone else. Stranger On The Rocks Numbing your hand by sticking it in a bucket of ice and then jerking off. Spanken not stirred. Strangers In The Night When you and your gay buddy each numb your hand (you should know how by now) and spank each other off. Thus eliciting the feeling of a hand job from someone else, from someone else. Stingy Nut When a chick isn't worth facking; pull down her pants, bend her over, and jerk off all over her ass. Sud N' Fud When trying to bang a girl, she gives that same old story, "I not that kind of girl.", "I don't fack on the first date.", "I'm catholic.", "Stop asshole.", etc. etc... After hearing all this bullShoot, you whip out your handy bar of soap. Then lather up her armpit (or any other joint you prefer), and proceed to fack that instead. Surfing This happens when you nail a fat woman. As you watch the rippling effect of her rolls with every thrust, along with the feeling of being drenched, off balance, out of control, and in danger, you are given the sense of riding the ultimate wave. Swimmer's Ear When a girl is giving you a good sucking and right before you erupt, you remove yourself from her mouth, place your purple head in her ear, and fill her ear with some sweet love seed. Hopefully, you will give her an infection. Tea Bag To perform the tea bag, have the girl lay flat on her back. Then you squat over her with your hands on your knees, and gently dip your nut sac in and out of her mouth in a motion similar to performing some kind of facked up yoga exercise. 3-Eyed Turtle Basically plug every orifice of a girl in the following manner: thumb in ass, fingers in pussy, and dick in mouth. The Tortoise When you eat out someone who doesn't have pubic hair yet - i.e. you got there before the hair (hare) did. Tossing Salad A common prison act where one person basically chows asshole with the help of whatever condiments are available. (I.e. jelly, syrup, olive oil, etc.) Tropical Wind When getting your asshole eaten out by a worthless tramp, you break wind. Tuna Melt You're down on a chick lapping away and discover that it just happens to be that time of the month. By no means do you stop though. When the whale spews tartar sauce with a hint of raspberry smothers your face. Twisted Sister Have your dominatrix girlfriend dress up in some hot black leather gimp wear and proceed to handcuff your hands behind your back and then force you to your knees. Unsuspecting, diminutive, and cradled over with your ass is in the air, she then gives you the most erotic enema of your life. Now that's some great S&M fun. Vegetarian Hot Lunch A variation of the Hot Lunch in which the diner stretches a piece of saran wrap over her mouth such that chewing (for texture) is possible, but no actual contact with waste product occurs. Wake Up Call Waking up in the middle of the night with the hard on of your life. You then turn to your fast asleep partner and dry fack her ass into oblivion. The clincher to performing a wake up call is to act like nothing of the sort happened in the morning. E.g. "Sweetheart, what's that on your back?" The Walrus After spunking in a girl's mouth, you pinch the center of her two lips together and hold her nose. This will force the cum to dribble out of the sides of her mouth, thus the teeth of the walrus. Western Grip When jerking off, turn your hand around, so that your thumb is facing towards you. It is the same grip that rodeo folks use, hence, western. Westside Glaze Same as the eastside glaze, but the majority of your jizz lands on the left side of her face. The Woody Woodpecker When a girl is sucking on your balls, tap your cock on her forehead. The Zombie Mask While getting head from your favorite, unsuspecting, trash-barrel whore, tell her you want her to look right up at you with those pretty little eyes" when you blow your load. Then, just when you're ready to spew a good week's worth of goo, blast that hefty load in both eyes. This temporary state of blindness will produce the zombie effect as she stumbles around the room with arms outstretched, and moaning like the walking dead.
|
|
Nov 13, 04
|
|||
|
|||
|
|
|
Nov 14, 04
|
|||
|
|||
|
Not bad but you forgot a few classics:
The Flaming Liu Kang So she's riding you and out of nowhere, you light her pubes on fire and when she quickly stands up in surprise, you bicycle-kick her across the room. The Abe Lincoln so you're nailing her in the ass and before you cum, you punch her in the back of the head, then spunk on her face and shave off her pubes and glue them to her face with your gizz creating a fine beard. Then put a top hat on her head and take a picture to show your buddies.
|
|
Nov 15, 04
|
|||
|
|||
|
^^ those are good.
|
|
Nov 16, 04
|
|||
|
|||
|
lol stranger in the night hahahahahhaha thats hilarious!
|
